Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.
ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
Adoption activity day(9 Posts)
Has anyone been to one? I'm supposed to be going to one at the weekend. I have really mixed feelings about them, especially after watching the documentary about them a few months ago. The main reason I'm going is that a lo that we may end up being matched with will be there, but I'm planning on going with an open mind. I'm not really sure what to expect, or if I even think they're a good idea. I guess I just wanted to hear from anyone who's been to one and see what peoples opinions on them we were?
I haven't been to one but I'm looking forward to hearing what you made of it. Good luck.
We went along to a BAAF one last year.
Extremely well organised.
We found it helpful to meet foster Carers and SW's and indirectly found our LO so all positives for us.
However, talking to one FC, the children she took with her were told why they were going (and were stressed about it) and I'm not sure I agree with that. We found this out afterwards.
I don't understand why the children can't be just going to a party with lots of other LAC. Might be naive.
32flavours I watched the documentary (twice at least) and have friends who went to a local one. I was at first quite against them but reading up on the internet I changed my mind.
I feel, within reason, that anything that gets kids matched with adopters and does not harm the kids is a good thing. My feelings are (from watching the documentary and talking to a friend who went to one) that it is the adults who find it all more stressful. Children waiting to be adopted know they are waiting so even if they do not go to an adoption activity day they still know that they are waiting, if you see what I mean.
If I were in your shoes wild horses would not drag me away from meeting my potential child.
I also remember the documentary one professional saying about risk, yes there is a risk kids will be upset that they go and are not matched etc but there is also a risk they will land up in long term care and not be adopted and going to an adoption activity day doubles their chances of being matched (I believe).
So if you go, try and make the very best of the day and not worry. The kids may feel some discomfort later if things do not work out but the reality seems to be that the kids really enjoy the day (and have to be dragged away form the fun maybe!) and the reality for them is they are waiting to be matched, through no fault of their own at all, and adults in the situation must make choices 9as adults always must) about what is the best way for these children to find their forever family, IMHO.
Went to one very recently. The children appeared to be having a really good time and unaware of what it was really all about. Definitely harder on all adults concerned. There were more adopters than children so it did feel like u were competing in a way as u waited for a time to get in and play, this was definitely the worst bit. It was very emotionally draining -plan nothing for the rest of the weekend! It was VERY well run and we were supported so well. BAAF and social workers were excellent. It's the only way to get to meet a child before your matched and it is great having SW's and FC's there too to be able to ask any questions. It is worthwhile going imo but be prepared for the emotions of feeling like your actively choosing to reject children who are no longer just on a piece of paper, the fact that you may meet a child you connect with but so may many others with that same child (getting hopes up when you've met them is harder to get over than when doing that with a paper profile imo), the competing for time thing and quite simply the fact that you are surrounded by adorable children who you can't believe are waiting (sometimes a long time) to be adopted and FC's who quite frankly you want to start handing out awards to, they're so amazing. All that pulls on your heart strings....A LOT!
Thanks for the replies, I've found them really helpful. Italian what you said about the children knowing they are waiting for a family really hit home with me. And I definitely can't pass up an opportunity to potentially meet our future son.
Silver I'm expecting it to be a very emotional experience, and I am trying to be as prepared for that as possible. Unfortunately my dp has to work so I'll be going alone. I think it will be especially hard to see other families interested in the child we may end up being matched with. I will just have to keep reminding myself that he will end up with the best family for him, even if that isn't us.
32flavours great news.
When you says the main reason I'm going is that a lo that we may end up being matched with will be there... do you mean social services have already suggested a particular child to you who will be this event? That is what I took you to mean.
If so, that is exactly the right attitude to have. The right child for you and the right family for this child you are mentioning, and maybe it will bet he same one! IYSWIM!
I know of two children who found their forever family (I hope) at such an event. It might have even been in a situation like your situation where there was already a link.
If you have already been informally linked and you do want to go ahead with it then I would hope that would carry some weight with social services but of course they will still be looking for the right parents for the child.
What a shame your DP can't come. Can they not get leave? Hope you can have someone around to chat to confidentially with afterwards.
Yes that's what I mean Italian. He was suggested to us a couple of months ago. We've been given all his medical information now and it looks like he will have some additional needs healthwise but we feel in a good position to meet these.
My dp is a chef and isn't allowed to take time off at certain times of the year, this weekend being one of those times due to the grand national. It's a shame because we both really wanted to go together but if this weekend goes well she will be made head chef so it's not all bad. I've made sure I won't be on my own when I get back from the activity day. I will probably post on here afterwards though as it's much easier talking to people who are going through the same kind of things and understand.
How did it go??? If you would like to share! I am all ears.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.