Lowering a BMI!!!!

(117 Posts)

OK, it's official, this little greyhound is less whippet


and more whipped cream!


My lovely social worker has pointed out my BMI is a bit high and asked what I think I can do about it. I said lower it. Of course. But it is actually quite hard. I have taken up running and Taekwan-do but I also love my food.

Please inspire me if you were also advised to lower the dreaded BMI and how you did it, please.

Thanks so much.

Isabeller Thu 11-Apr-13 07:28:02

Hi lovely Italian (I remember you from ttc support threads) I am also in large bmi boat and finding it very difficult to start the scales moving in the right direction.

Thanks to MN I've been doing C25K (on a cross trainer) and using MyFitnessPal. I am feeling fitter but he scales have barely flickered. I hope you don't mind me sharing any inspiration that comes your way. I'll certainly be cheering you on smile

flossymuldoon Thu 11-Apr-13 09:07:16

Me too! We're not being assessed (as our DS has been wih us 2 years now) but since i went back to work i have put on a 1 1/2 stones.
We go on hol on Sunday and none of my bloody holiday clothes fit me.

I feel i look like a Mum of a 3 year old who has never managed to lose the baby fat, which is pants as i've never been pregnant in my life!

After weeks of a half assed attempt to lose some weight I have decided that i'm going to join Slimming World when i get back from hols. I have done it before and i gets tons of motivation from doing it with others and being weighed every week keeps me on my toes.

My energy levels have been low which tells me that my eating habits/kind of foods i'm eating also needs sorting so it will get me back on track. Hopefully.

Good luck and will be cheering you both on as you both get back to Whippet status!!!

KristinaM Thu 11-Apr-13 11:15:23

The running will improve your health ( physical and mental ) and help you deal with the stress of the assessment process and waiting. But it doesn't burn as many calories as you think /hope so you won't lose a lot of weight unless you cut back on your calories too.

Lots of people enjoy slimming clubs and find them very motivating . Why don't you check out the weight loss threads here on mumsnet, apparently they are a very friendly lot smile

When you say you have taken up running, I assume you are starting a proper training programme like the c25k, like isabeller?? and have a decent pair of shoes and Sports bra? Reassure me please.

Thank you so much Isabeller, yes, please do share any inspiration.

Thanks flossymuldoon and I hope you too have a fab holiday with your little one and success for weight loss in the future.

Krisina, thanks for the encouragement. I have very good running shoes. My boobs are not very big so I wasn't really worrying about the bra. Is it important?

cedar12 Thu 11-Apr-13 11:54:35

I did well on slimming world before.
Its so hard though isnt it. Book a beach holiday, we are going away in may i the thought of getting in a swim suit fills me with fear!! We booked a holiday just before we went to panel and it was lovely,our last holiday as a three.

KristinaM Thu 11-Apr-13 16:23:36

Unless your boobs are tiny, you do need a proper sports bar for support. And to avoid...ahem....chafing.

I took aftre running about 18 months ago after joining a C25k thread on mumsnet and Im still going!! What program are you following?

GreenJoni Thu 11-Apr-13 20:11:56

Quite a few years ago I was about a stone and a half overweight (from my BMI). I was veggie and decided to try being a vegan - I dropped down to my ideal BMI in three months and stayed there for the 7 years I stuck to it, with no other effort involved! I still ate plenty and really enjoyed good food so it's not as hard as it sounds. I did succumb though a couple of years ago and started eating dairy and fish again, so have put lots of weight back on. If becoming a total vegan sounds a bit much you could try having vegan days or weeks maybe (which is what I shoudl be doing really!) wink

Cedar yes, it is hard.

Kristina I found my sports bra. I wouldn't say my boobs were tiny but no chafing, maybe I am not running fast enough! I am not doing a programme, just running with a friend, what should I be doing? Suggestions welcome.

GreenJoni not sure I can manage being a vegan for very long but would probably consider going dairy free for a bit.

Thanks one and all.

KristinaM Thu 11-Apr-13 22:03:48

Most beginners run too fast and too far , too few times. Little and often is good. It's fine just to run and walk and build up the running time gradually . Taking it slowly reduces the risk of injuries . Remember to warm up and cool down properly and do your stretches religiously .

The c25k takes you to running 5k ( or for 30 minutes ) in 8 weeks. You can download it free and play it on your smartphone or iPod. I think there similar apps that you can use with your own music

Once you can run or jog for 5k I would recommend your local parkrun. It's free and fun, every Saturday at 9am in a park near you. Google it

There are lots of websites with tips for starting running. Also you tube videos will show you how to do stretches properly

Good luck.

Isabeller Fri 12-Apr-13 08:54:47

Running with a friend sounds really good Italian I wonder if I could find a RL exercise buddy somehow.

GreenJoni is your diet vegetarian plus fish now? When you were vegan what were your main sources of protein?

KristinaM I love the idea of running in the park but I am also very wary of doing anything to damage my knees - any advice?

mistlethrush Fri 12-Apr-13 08:57:39

I'm doing 5:2 (saw it here first) and actually losing weight slowly but steadily (hurrah!) which is a massive change from having to really go low on cals to lose anything.

I've lost 18lbs since Christmas. Get yourself on MFP - my fitness pal, it teaches you what food is worth putting in your mouth. I was stuck over the top of my healthy BMI for over a year despite exercising three times a week for 40 mins and I was eating too much chocolate and cake. Joining one of the threads on this board has really helped me. I'm on the Chief thread but I've looked at them all and they all seem really supportive.

Good luck

marzipanned Fri 12-Apr-13 13:13:27

Another rec here for my fitness pal/map my run. It is awfully faffy putting in the foods but you could always do it separately on an excel sheet.

I tend to set myself a weekly target of calories per day, factoring in exercise. E.g. if I eat 2500 cals but go for a 30 minute jog, my total for the day would be 2200 (obviously there's a bit of rounding and guesswork involved!) Averaging out over the week means you won't feel like you've fallen off the wagon if you go wild one day and have some chocolate cake.

Start gently - don't think that you're going to get down to 1800 cals a day straight away. If you're new to exercising, you'll want to eat more..and that's okay, just make sure it's the right more (that is, low fat, low sugar, high protein...things like plain yogurt are perfect)

Oh, and please, please, please steer clear of diet products. Eat natural, wholesome foods and they will fill you up so much better than mullerlight/weight watchers type stuff, which are also full of all sorts of nasty chemicals.

GreenJoni Fri 12-Apr-13 20:56:16

Hi Isabeller,
Vegan sources of protein are beans and pulses, tofu, nuts, lentils, veg (suprisingly has lots of protein!), soya products... I only went back to fish because it was the one thing I really missed! I think the diet is so healthy as well because you have to cut out most processed food as nearly everything has cows' milk in it for some reason. I've never got over discovering that some brands of "pure" orange juice aren't even vegetarian.... The only downside is having to spend more time cooking and it's a pain to go out for a meal! But I have to admit I did feel much healthier when I was vegan and it cured my hayfever, bizarrely... These days though I'm much lazier! wink

Thanks so much.

I am doing a low FODMAPS diet for my IBS so I can't have a lot of foods, I must stick to it before seeing dietician again.

2old2beamum Wed 17-Apr-13 20:45:24

Can't really help on BMI I am a bit overweight, but as long as you are trying a good SW will bend the rules if you can be a good parent. I was nearly 65 DH 61 when DD4 was placed she was 3 which was really beyond the pale. BTW they approached us confused Be totally committed.
Good luck

Thanks so much for all your tips and advice.

2old2beamum that is amazing! Has everything worked out OK. Does having a young child make you feel younger? Just curious. I am 48 and could still be approved for a baby and there are babies in the system. We had kind of thought older child (e.g. 3-5) as DD is 8 but we are told there are babies. Trying to be totally open as far as we can be!

Thanks to all for taking the time to reply.

I am also keen on 'mental' tips, urge surfing, mindful eating etc. I know it all about calories etc but i love food and I pick pick pick!

morethanpotatoprints Sat 27-Apr-13 23:03:51

Hi, really not sure if this will help but I lowered my bmi without option really. Diagnosed with diabetes and high cholesterol and blood pressure, had to do something.
So cut out lots of fats especially hydrogenated. Cheese and eggs had to go because of cholesterol. I changed all white processed food such as rice, bread, pasta etc to wholewheat. Obviously cut out sugar but some is ok if it is far down the list of ingredients.
At first I fought it as it wasn't really by choice, I missed my former unhealthy diet. Now nearly 2 years on I am 2 stone lighter and health is improving.
Sorry, must add that 2 stone is a lot as I am only 4 ft 10.5. Obviously for someone taller the results could be far greater. I also learnt not to weigh myself but use a tape measure as its the inches that count not the weight. In inches I lost about 5. Oh and getting off the white stuff stopped me being bloated and looking pg.
Good luck, If I can do it anybody can.

Thanks Potatoeprints well done.

I always look pregnant, people give up their seats for me on the bus.

So by giving up the white stuff do you mean white bread/white flour/white rice or sugar?

morethanpotatoprints Sun 28-Apr-13 16:25:10

Hi Italian.

I mean white bread, rice, pasta, yes and the floury stuff.
People used to ask me when I was due, and I was shock like the old Milton advert.
Whenever I resort to the occasional white crusty toast (I love this) I really can feel myself bloating and getting all lethargic.
I only don't have sugar (well added) because of diabetes. I can control it with diet atm and obviously don't want to go onto injections, so was scared into it really. I make all my own sauces now rather than jars and they are so much healthier than those with all the added sugar and salt. The family soon got used to it too, although they aren't as strict with it as I am.

NanaNina Sun 28-Apr-13 17:49:17

I reckon Slimming World is the best weight loss programme and the food is very healthy, so it will ensure you get your 5 a day. There is a thread actually on SW but people don't seem to be very good at answering queries. I lost 2 stone on SW a few years ago, but guess what - yes you've got it in one! I am now on it again and am (like last time) doing it myself at home, but I will need to go to a class because they have new books out.
I think if you have never done it before it's best to go to a class to make sure you understand the different ways of losing weight. They call it food optimising and I think that's fair comment because it isn't really a diet and you can eat loads of food. I am eating far more, but the weight is starting to come off, but only 1lb a week - but that's ok. Slow but steady wins the race!

Thanks so much for all your kind words of encouragement.

Lora1982 Fri 10-May-13 00:27:20

I am shock that people are asked to lower their bmi so they can adopt surely the love to give and want for the children should be enough? Next theyl be banning people from trying to concieve who are higher bmi. I think its very wrong.

Good for you for doing it though!! Ive got zero chance. Im considering adoption in the future but it looks as if id be unwanted

Lora it is not (as far as I am aware) a requirement. I am not sure we would be totally stopped if I just stayed fat but I would rather not risk it!

I think the thinking is (as I understand it) two fold.

I am thinking of myself now, knowing how overweight I am. I am not speaking of all overweight people. Obviously there is a big diffference between a BMI of 27 or 30 or 35 or 40!!!! I will leave you guessing where I am on that scale!

If a person is very overweight or obese there is a chance the children in that family will also be overweight or obese. This might be because of gentics in some families but probably is a lot more to do with habits and patterns of eating and attitude to food. So to put a healthy child into a family where people ate very badly might be viewed by some as being wrong. If it were a choice of a fat family or no family I expect most kids would want a family, but if being in that family means you will end up overweight or obese and as a result get bullied at school or have health problems you can really see where they are coming from in wanting to avoid that and wanting kids to have the chance to join a 'healthy' family.

This does not apply to me as DH and DD are both slim and healthy, very fit and sporty. We eat a very sensible, healthy diet as a family.

The second reason, which does apply to me, is that people who are very overweight or obese run an increased risk of lots of diseases including life-threatening illnesses!

My problems with overeating go back a long way. Over the years I have tried lots of diets and exercise regimes and if I am honest they have all failed long term!

I now do sport that I think is fun (walking and Taekwan-do) and as a Christian I have had some councelling/prayer ministry to deal with the issues of why I over eat. But I am still overweight because I overate for a long time. I had two big break throughs, one last year that dealt with the overeating and another which I really hope has dealt with the reasons why I want to overeat!



I was really hoping for some inspiration and encouragement. I don't want to join a diet club, it's not for me, but I do like to be inspired by other people's great stories.

All the best Lora, for the future for adoption if you choose to go down that route and all the best for other things too. Feel free to PM if you would like to.

The websites were organisations that I found helpful! Sorry I should have said that!

I should also say I have lots a few pounds in the last couple of weeks so I am very pleased. Although my impulse eating was dealt with a while ago I still over-ate for a long time because I tended to use food is I was upset or angry etc.

I should also say that the reason, of course, why people would not want any child to go into a family where people have an increased risk of life-threatening diseases is because they don't want the child to lose a parent. Personally I don't think the 'authorities' would ever try to limit whether overweight people can have children 'naturally' and the reason those in adoption services are concerned is because those children have already lost a parent or two parents (a whole birth family in fact).

lost a few pounds...

KristinaM Fri 10-May-13 18:54:24

Well done on the weight loss Italian smile

I've lost another pound and not snacked at all!!! I had one biscuit after church this afternoon (Gluten free!!) and a clementine after dinner! I can't quite believe it. It is almost midnight and I am still full from dinner!!

That is 5 pounds in 3 weeks!!

KristinaM Mon 13-May-13 00:08:08

Well done,keep up the good work :-)

Struggling on, think it is getting better!

niftynanna Tue 06-Aug-13 20:09:24

Hi I am a Slimming World success story, yes I tried a few times to lose weight and with SW a few times. And put it back on. But this time I feel so different about it , and I have lost almost 4 stone. I am so happy I have been to HO and trained to be a consultant. I open my first group on Monday 2nd Sept at 7.30 pm. I will be at York St. Sports & social Club Bingley. BD16 2QW. Feel free to join us there, just let me know where you heard about it. Jan

Hi guys, I have not posted on this thread for a long time, and I thought I would just update.

I felt I should post something in the In the club section but that now does not include the 'slimming section' and when I went to the big/slim/whatever section it has no space for the emotional side of eating at all!

I have known for a long time my overeating was not about needing to join a weight loss club, although I know that works for others.

So I am just so pleased that things are going well for me and for me it is about being healed of some of the emotional things that made me overeat! I had a Sozo (which is a kind of prayer counselling session) and now feel so much better about food. I still love food, and want to eat it! But the kind of mindless grazing seems to be better!


I am not sure a Sozo would be for everyone but for me it was good. It took a while to get into it, I had three sessions. And the lady who was part of the team is a dear friend so I felt for me it was a very safe environment.

Anyway, I just felt it was right to share, because for some of us who are adopting/in the process weight can be an issue and lowing our BMI's can be something we are asked to do.

If anyone wants to share encouragements, please do. I don't want to talk about what I eat or don't eat because for me it is much more about the things going on underneath the overeating (which is I feel sorry that mumsnet now only has these specific sections about how to lose weight, rather than the bigger picture!).

Anyway, good luck to anyone still trying and waves to anyone who has taken to the time to read this.

The 'bigger picture' was not meant to be a pun!

eurochick Sun 17-Nov-13 08:45:59

Lora people are already prevented from accessing assisted conception services if their BMI is too high. It seems people who cannot have children the old fashioned way and need assistance or choose to adopt have to jump through hoops that the fertile population never do.

I'm glad you have found something that works for you, OP.

QOD Sun 17-Nov-13 09:28:49

My bils friends lost about 15 stone between them to be able to adopt. Starvation diet aka Cambridge

My bils friends have put on 18 stone between them since they adopted.

Bit of a farce

Lora How are you doing? Did you decide to look down the adoption route? Although my social worker expressed concern she never asked me to weigh in or tell her exactly How I was doing. I think she trusted me to keep working on it. Which I have continued to do. Three face it is not a requirement for birth parents to have a healthy BMI doesn't mean it is a bad thing to expect it of parents to be. These little ones have had a tough start in life so to lose another parent prematurely would be terrible. Good luck If you go down this route. For me it has been totaly worth it.

'Three face it' should be although!!!!!

eurochick we did not have any problems accessing the fertility treatment But then we were paying for it. However, I will never know If a more healthy BMI might have made a difference. Otto doesn't matter now because we are fully engaged with adoption.

Otto should be it!!! Phone is doing its own thing!

quo your friend's story kind of reinforces my own thinking that if people do not get to the root of why they over or under eat (i mean people who hav e a problem, not people who have a few pounds or a stone or two over, But really away from a healthy weight) then it can be really hard a to maintain a healthy weight .

drspouse Mon 18-Nov-13 11:24:41

I'm a huge fan of MyFitnessPal and I could never do any "diet" that involved cutting any foods out - I just eat the same as everyone else, watch portion size, count everything, and make sure I cook healthily. Oh and be really motivated to exercise (even if it's only pushing the buggy into town) because then I can eat more!

With me counting, hubby eating what I cook, and taking a large toddler everywhere, we've each lost over a stone.

Lora - sorry you feel like this - the issue is that we need to be healthy for our (possibly slightly more active than normal) children, and that if your BMI is large enough to present a significant danger to your health and to reduce your life expectancy, that's when you need to think about how to reduce it. As children who are adopted have already lost one set of parents, it's just a precaution to be sure they do not lose another.

We were both overweight (hubby in the obese category), but were approved (hubby has a long term but not life-threatening medical condition that means he finds it hard to lose weight, and his medical condition is affected by strict diets - though gentle efforts such as better cooking and adding weight toddler lifting seem to work well!)

drspouse great news, well done. Well done to your DH for getting good results in spite of a medical condition.


drspouse Tue 19-Nov-13 14:25:45

It was interesting though that we have only lost weight AFTER having a child placed though I had lost a fair big since I met hubby.

Why do you think this is, Drspouse

drspouse Wed 20-Nov-13 11:08:33

Oh, that's easy, everything you do when you have a toddler, you have to take an extra 10kg+ with you. Walking round town - toddler in buggy. Going for a country walk - toddler in backpack. Going upstairs - toddler has a strop and has to be carried (and when he was smaller, and couldn't walk upstairs, even when he didn't!). Going swimming (OK I do sometimes go on my own but we take him swimming too) - lifting heavy toddler round the pool. Going to the park - running twice the distance after toddler.

Great for the biceps!

Hi anyone who looks in. Just wanted to update. This year have kicked off with a renewed attempt. One week two pounds lost, next none!

I have got an exercise bike now so that is proving to be quite good.

Any message of support, please do post them or PM me. It is a long term issue for me but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

craftycreator Thu 23-Jan-14 11:39:08

Italiangreyhound a big hello.

I think you already know a bit of my story from my other post but am popping by here for some support and encouragement to lowering my BMI, and of course to offer the same back :-)

We are in the very early stages of the adoption process but have found a lovely LA who I think we are going to Officially go with but we have our information session on the 4th Feb before putting in our official registration of Interest.

Anyway what's led me here beong turned down by our first LA because of our BMI's both my husband and I are overweight, we have spoken to another LA who are happy to take us on as long as we can show we are actively making steps to change our BMI's so its all become a bit real and now the real hard work starts....

My BMI was at the start, 2 weeks ago was 43 amd I am down to 42 now, so have a way to go but its the right direction. My husbands is even higher.
We have in the past tried to loose weight but we fall into a rut and find it difficult, this time we have something amazing on the horizon so if we can work hard we may be able to have the family we have longed for, for many many years.

So onwards and mentally upwards but physically downwards ;-)

Feel free to PM if you want too or in fact if you want to exchange contacts as I work Mon to Fri and can't always get on here but am happy to support you as much as I can xxx

KristinaM Thu 23-Jan-14 16:52:26

Good luck to all you new healthy lifestyle peeps

tinkerbellpixie Sun 26-Jan-14 17:12:58

This thread got me gripped, DP and I are in the process of adoption, 1 LA turned us away due to DP's High BMI but refused to listen to the fact that he is healthy in every other way but he was too much of a risk to them.
Currently waiting for a well known VA to contact us but I need to get DP's BMI down

craftycreator Sun 26-Jan-14 20:33:06

Hi Tinker, we have to both lower our BMI's. Hubbys is rather high (and mine for that matter) hubby seems as committed as I am.

Does your partner want to loose weight not only for adoption but for himself too?

I am happy for you to PM me if you want discuss further but for my husbands confidentiality I won't advertise his weight etc on here. Me personally I don't care who knows but he is more concerned about it than I.


Thanks Kristina for your kind words.

Craft hi and good luck.

tinkerbellpixie great name! The good thing about BMI is that it can change, but it is very tough to move it! Some things work well for some people. I have friends who swear by Slimming World or Weight Watchers. I, personally, think a lot of food issues come from emotional reasons and sometimes we really need to deal with those at the same time as we lose weight so we don't put it back on! I am still going through that myself.

All the very best for your guys and your hubbies. Do check in and share good news if it helps.

KristinaM Mon 27-Jan-14 09:38:04

This is a good time time of year to be focusing on healthy eating and exercise, as so Many others will be doing the same .

There are lots of support groups here on mumsnet, just search them out and join in . There is lots of information and moral support. It doesn't matter than everyone has different reasons for wanting to get healthier -holiday, wedding, operation, adoption, TTC,

For those of you who fancy exercising but aren't the gym type, can I recommend couch to 5 k, C25K,which is a programme which gets you from being on the couch to running for 30 mins or 5 km in 8 weeks. It starts with just walking . Google it

There are lots of threads here on MN, full of people who said "I could never do that , I weigh * stone " . And they discovered they can .

Please don't think about it as " I've got to get my BMI down for these bloody social workers " . Because then you will probably put it back on later, which would be a shame. Think of it as an opportunity to get yourself healthier for yourself and your partner, as well as for your children ( to be ) .

crazeekitty Mon 27-Jan-14 10:22:24

Lift weights as well. Muscle has a higher metabolic weight than fat so even when you're not running you will need more energy to sustain muscle mass than if you didn't have any.

Promise it works. Just remember to eat lots of protein to help build the muscle and cut out the sugar / white pasta / bread.

tinkerbellpixie Mon 27-Jan-14 15:58:30

Thank you everyone, crafty I will send you a message but he is wanting to get it down for himself too but the words the social worker said hit quite hard

tinkerbellpixie sorry that the social worker has upset your DH. I can find it quite upsetting too when people call me out on my weight. I think for me it is totally justified and so although it is upsetting it is really pushing us to be healthier better versions of ourselves, not to turn into totally different people.

Little steps for me, but feeling better.

craftycreator Tue 28-Jan-14 13:20:46

Afternoon All

I don't wish to drift off topic and I by no means want to cause any offence to anyone but I find it incredibly frustrating when people talk to 'fat' people about the best way to loose weight, that they should exercise, eat certain foods, cut certain foods out etc. I have yet to meet a sensible 'fat' person who doesn't know what needs doing but lacks the motivation to do it. I am one of these people. Believe it or not I am a content fat person, but life has dealt it to me as an obstacle which means for reasons other than my choice I am being forced (if I want the family I so desire) to loose the weight, if it were not for this one reason alone I know I'd be happy being the person I am now. Not weighing more and not weighing less. Just living life as Me.

As I said I dont want to offend anyone and the help and support from everyone has been lovely its just I needed to get that off my chest. I may even be in the minority here and others may not feel the same but I feel over the course of my adulthood that people feel they have a right to talk to me like I'm stupid when it comes to my PERSONAL weight.

craftycreator Tue 28-Jan-14 13:25:44

Italian - do you feel its justified because your emotions are all caught up in the process or do you genuinely believe they are?

Either way as long as your happy then it doesn't matter I was just curious :-)

craftycreator Tue 28-Jan-14 13:26:48

Opps hit the wrong button. Congratulations on your as you say 'little' steps by the way :-)

crazeekitty Tue 28-Jan-14 21:42:00

Craftycreator .. I don't think you've given offence. I think the op wanted tips about what worked for other people so I hope those of us who have contributed have helped with that.

I wonder how many people have kept their BMI at 18.5 (or whatever arbitrary number is set) through the stress of the whole process and then post adoption order?

And what a nonsense BMI is. I'm size 8/10 with a massively high BMI because of the sport I do. Thinking about that, totally disregard my advice for losing weight. Ha!

I know skinny minnies who never get off the sofa and larger ladies who are always on the go and can out run any of the skinny minny couch potatoes. I know which will be better able to keep up with a toddler blasting about. It should be about lifestyle, not numbers on a chart.

Crafty you have not offended anyone, or at least not me!

You said...

Italian - do you feel its justified because your emotions are all caught up in the process or do you genuinely believe they are?

Either way as long as your happy then it doesn't matter I was just curious :-)

I don't understand the question. I am happy to answer but I am not sure what you mean?

Do you think I mean do I think my emotions being caught up in the adoption process if making me fat?

Crafty I think it is up to individual people what they eat and how much they do or not exercise, whether they want to over or under eat/be a 'healthy' BMI or be below or over the average BMI. I think that for people who are overweight we are now probably in the majority, at least in the UK.

I guess when you get into very high BMI's people are in danger of poor health.

I don't ever voluntarily go around giving advice to anyone, or at least not any more!

I have tried over many years to lower my weight and have had little success. I love myself and have pride in myself. But I do not want to be overweight. Not because of how I look but because it may limit my life expectancy, my health and to a certain extent what I can physcially do.

I have seen a great number of fatter people in my life having attended many slimming clubs and watched many, many programmes about fat people losing weight. Maybe because I have put myself in that environment and watched those programmes I have effectively searched out people who are fat and are not happy. I am sure it is not always the case that fat people are unhappy with their size.

I totally agree Crafty that people who are overweight or fat know a lot about weight loss, healthy food etc which is exactly why I feel that there are often emotional issues that keep people in patterns of over eating. This is based on my experiences and is not a reference to anyone else on here.

Crazeekitty I am now wondering how you can be size8/10 with a very high BMI. I am just curious, I don;t think your BMI can be any wher near mine. You tell me yours and I will tell you mine!! (Message me!!)

Although the BMI system is probably like many a bit flawed I think that it is a way of explaining how the weight affects a person. If I say I am 8 stone, or 10 or 14 stone or 18 stone you have no real way of knowing if that is healthy or how unhealthy that is. Once you know my height you would know if I were 8 stone and very tall I would be underweight. But once I tell people my BMI they know the range of weight I am in without seeing me or knowing my exact weight or height. I certainly think the bounderies are set in such a way that maybe we need to be more generous with them! So for example a person with a BMI of 41 wodl be morbidly obese and someone with a BMI of 39 would be obese, so you could say do those two points make so much difference, or being 29 or 31. I am not a doctor so I don't know but certainly you can see that there must be a big difference between 29 and 39!

What could we use to give a definitive number instead?

According to dear old Wikipedia "Obesity is a medical condition in which excess body fat has accumulated to the extent that it may have an adverse effect on health, leading to reduced life expectancy and/or increased health problems." Morbidly obese means significant health problems, again it is the individual's right to put their body through that, but personally I think it is not a good idea. Which is why I can see that local authorities would have concerns about parents who have high BMIs. I guess it just depends what they call a high BMI, overweight, obese or morbidly obese.

craftycreator Tue 28-Jan-14 22:49:07

Well firstly I should say I am glad I have not offended and secondly state that I wrote that post after a very awkward telephone conversation with the why weight service and was pretty annoyed.

I maybe should have provided a bit more info. I have from since I can remember been 'big' and was bullied from day dot at school and its taken me a long time to realise I am allowed to be liked and loved for who I am and I don't need to be someone I am not to be liked (wow that really shows my past insecurities) now I know who I am comfortable with that.

Italiangreyhound - Yes health does play on my mind, and like you have tried in the past with little success to loose weight. Its not an Excuse but its like my body is happy at my current weight, for the past 14 or so years its been this and no matter what I eat, how much exercise I do I pretty much remain this weight (maybe a few pounds here or there).

In regards to my question. I've perplexed myself lol. You said that in your case its justified that SW mentioned your weight, do you feel obliged to agree with what they say (I presume they told you to try and loose some) because you wanted this (Adoption) so much or because you wanted to do it anyway? Does that make more sense?

I am not asking you yo tell me but your BMI is closely guarded and it makes me curious as to what it actually is lol.

crazeekitty Tue 28-Jan-14 22:52:42

Hello again Italiangreyhound.

I agree that those upper numbers are going to suggest there might be underlying health problems. It's a flawed system for sure. What I was getting at is you can pack a lot of muscle and therefore have a high BMI because muscle is more dense than fat. So on paper I'm a high BMI but in person I'm not. My ad is always complaining I'm not squishy enough. We can never win I think is the short version.

Anyway, as the op, how is the BMI battle going for you? I did think from reading your post about food and emotion being closely linked that you are going to be a super adoptive mum because so many adoptive children have massive issues around food. You'll be in a great place to empathise with and support your lo when s/he comes home. My poor little ad has all sorts of food issues and it is a massive stretch for me to understand them because I've only ever seen food as something functional. I'm hungry so I'll eat. I'm not hungry so I won't. Choosing what I eat is no more of a decision than choosing which petrol station to go to to put fuel in my car. If you're already aware of all the emotions tied to food you're going to be well ahead of the game. Can you explain them to me please? I really really need to understand it better.

craftycreator Tue 28-Jan-14 23:01:47

CCrazeekity - when emotions get the better of you what is your go to to relieve those emotions? Do you run? Do you do a jigsaw? Do you have a bath?

I used to comfort eat, where you see food as a means to ending hunger I used to eat because it made me feel safe and secure. Because ironically I thought food could not hurt me. I would like to add I dont do this anymore and my main reason for snacking nowadays is boredom but im working on that too.

When people would tell me I was fat and useless its not inspiration to loose but the thought process used to be 'well if they think that then why should I try to be anything different' its not like it will make any difference.

crazeekitty Tue 28-Jan-14 23:22:14

Ty crafty. That makes sense. And your honesty is humbling I think is the right word.

Crafty pm me and I will tell you my BMI! It is not a state secret!

I think we all are lovely and wonderful people, sheer miracles. Big and fat, small and skinny, black and white, male and female. No one should be bullied NO ONE, being bigger or small is not an excuse for anyone ever to bully anyone!

Hope that you know bullying is something I utterly detest.

crazeekitty gee whizz, what a lovely thing to say. Thank you. I really do hope that the experiences I have had will help my child when I adopt, if they have issues.

Crazeekitty you said Can you explain them to me please? I really really need to understand it better. Well in one sense I can and in one sense I can't! Because we are all different and it may well depend on your child and her experiences.

Sadly, I think overeating in children might be something that could be sparked by a lot of things and please do not reveal information about your DD here because I don't want you to out yourself!

So for example living with a very poor diet of junk food, fats and sugar etc may well mean a child expects those foods, find comfort in those foods and wants them. I have had some success in eating more things like celery and red apples (both really juicy and crunchy) which I now totally love.

Also, for example kids who were deprived of food might feel they will never be full of never be fed enough. So hoard food and might not feel safe if they do not have good in the house, their bag or whatever.

If the problems are the former then you may just find a dietician who can help and maybe also someone (like Tanya Byron for toddlers and young children) or a book or website that helps.

This website may be useful, I really don't know...


On a basic level food and comfort are linked for us as babies, we feel hungry and mum or someone else feeds us and maybe cuddles us and we feel warm, loved and well fed, so as we get older and things get hard what could take away the sad feelings like food! I am just guessing why people over eat.

My reasons are probably quite complex, but I think that some of the things that I have just said would tick some boxes for me.

Also as a teenager I had OCD (I didn't really know why I had it and it was not that bad). I did not get any help for it and in my twenties it stopped and the over eating started. Over the years I had some success at weight loss and the weight has not gone up and up as it does with some people. It has fluctuated a bit. The problem was one of over eating and sometimes actually not enjoying what I ate. I would say that I had a problem with Impulsive eating rather than compulsive eating.

Over the last three years I have had some help to work on the problems related to food rather than just trying to lose weight. As crfaty says fatter people know all about weight loss and healthy eating!

If your DD has a problem can you get some specialist help from adoption services?

crazeekitty Wed 29-Jan-14 12:28:26

Thank you. That helps to understand. I'll try and see it through different eyes.

Unfortunately for dd she has so many issues that help for eating wouldn't solve the underlying causes. What she really needs is a more understanding mummy, but I'm trying. She would say I'm very trying. Ha!

I absolutely think getting at the causes will help the eating.

Had a new counselling session this week. Really helpful. Feeling a whole lot better.

tinkerbellpixie Wed 05-Feb-14 09:10:51

Hypnosis into positive thinking so I will achieve my goal, dp has cut the crap food and cycling in the evenings. I have increased my exercise although not been on the Wii for a week due to some health problems.
I am also doing weight watchers as well and consistently loosing 1-2 pounds a week.

Well done tinkerbellpixie good news.

Great news, have started counselling for weight issues and it is helping. Very pleased.

Kristina, Crafty, * crazeekitty*, and tinkerbellpixie are you still looking in?

craftycreator Thu 27-Feb-14 12:35:53


Well done all on the weight loss and commitments made so far, your all doing excellently xxx

Im still here. Have lost 7lbs in the last 4 weeks.

Had an initial visit this morning from the LA, they are giving us six months to prove our weight loss. They have said DH has to loose 3-4 stone and I need to get my BMI as close to 35 as possible. Everything else is in their words 'perfect for adoption' just not our weight. Im gutted we've got to go another six months before we can move any further forward!

Crafty xx

Crafty you can do this, make this your goal. Find your inspiration. Whatever works for you. Good luck.

KristinaM Fri 28-Feb-14 09:14:59

Hi Italian yes I am still lurking

Congratulations to those who are getting healthier and shedding those pounds /exercising

I am very sympathetic to those of you struggling with weight issues, as my DH is in the same situation . I worry all the time about his health.

Which is why I am a bit hmm about people who say

" oh yes, I know I am morbidly obese but I have lots of energy "

It's kind of missing the point. You are storing up serious health problems for the future and you need to still be healthy when you children are teenagers, they need you even more then. I'm sorry, I know it's hard to hear this.

Kitty -I am curious too as to how you can have a massively high BMI and still be a size 8-10. Even female body builders usually only weigh 130-140lbs, ( more is they are very tall obv) which doesn't put them in high BMI ranges. It's well acknowledged that BMI isn't a good indicator of healthy weight for serious athletes.

Look at these women here -they are very fit but still not heavy www.bodybuilding.com/fun/fitness-360.html

craftycreator Fri 28-Feb-14 14:59:35

Italiangreyhound - I can and today after a good nights sleep am feeling more determined than ever. That emotion has been turned into postive energy and I'm motivated :-) onwards and upwards.

What more motivation do I need than to give a loving, caring and stable home to a little one who if I don't do this might not have the chance at that xx

Exactly crafty, I do also feel you need to do it for you, for your future. As Kristina says kids need a lot of energy even when older. But most of all we all want to live a long and healthy and active life, don't we!

If there are any issues that are making you overeat I would really recommend getting some help in the form of counselling if you can, you GP may be able to help or you may have to pay. My overeating is the result of OCD when I was younger. I lost the OCD but started over eating!

I am very lucky that my workplace provides counselling for free, for which I am eternally grateful.

tinkerbellpixie Sun 23-Mar-14 18:37:50

I am still here, Dp weighs 163.3 kg so Bmi of 51!!! So it is coming down we are on a slow road down stage 1 again but we like slow as gives us more of a chance to prove we can do it

tinkerbellpixie good news, keep going, and tell DH to keep going.

The work based Christian counsellor who is giving me CBT type counselling is working brilliantly! I feel so much better.

mummymamaandme Wed 02-Apr-14 21:15:25

Can I join you please?
We were deferred in Dec but approved last week.
I have lost 31lbs since January, I fell off the wagon last week but back on it now and looking forward to the next 31 smile
I'm using my fitness pal and good old fashioned excersise.
I did lighter life many years ago and lost four stone but ended up really ill and needing surgery, so wanted to take it slow this time.

mummymamaandme of course you may join us, please do. Congratulations on the fabulous weight loss.

I am feeling so much better. Trying to eat more fruit and veg, trying to take less food when at the canteen at work etc. I am getting a real buzz when the server tries to offer me more spaghetti, cous cous or whatever, I am saying that's enough before they offer me a full big serving! In the past I always got as much as I could and always ate it all, and sometimes wanted more!

I also tried on some stretchy trousers in a size smaller than my usual one and they were too big!

I feel very good but I know support is vital so that you lovely ladies (are we all female here?? with mumsnet you never know!) for your support.

I think it is thinking about food, and taking food (buying it or ordering it etc that leads to eating it!). For me it is often my hands as well as my mouth that are the problem, my hands bring the food to my mouth! Actually it is the brain that starts it all off! Which is why I feel being in a good emotional place is so helpful.

This makes me laugh, because it is so true of so many of us....


Super happy last night, managed to opt for a pear instead of a packet of crisps after dinner. Then as I bit into that pear I got that grainy clunky pain where you bite into something hard! Ow. Luckily, saw dentist today and tooth is fine. (Already had appointment for filling).

Anyway, thought I would share one thing my counsellor did for me.

At the start of our sessions I explained that for me I often felt the need to finish off any food, even if I did not like it! Be it a meal or a bar of chocolate. An open packet of biscuits or a large order of something was almost impossible to leave uneaten for me!

So, my counsellor gave me a packet of chocolates at the first session and asked me to only eat one a day. I managed to eat just two that first week and made the bag last three weeks! Now whenever I think I can't do resist food, I remember those chocolates and I know I can!

tinkerbellpixie Sat 05-Apr-14 17:37:40

Well, back on the way on this week, Dp has cycled shifted more crap and stripped the wallpaper off our new bedroom wall.
Me I went riding again, and I loved it plus a walk into the village, and I will be going home to play on the Wii

Good news Tinkerbell.

LittleMissDisorganized Mon 07-Apr-14 11:36:53

Italian I've been meaning to post on this thread since I read it months ago...
I know what you mean about it being almost entirely in your head and if you don't address that then the weight loss is unsustainable.
I put on 3 stone last year - I was already in the overweight category - taking me into the morbidly obese category. Admittedly it was a year in which I had to say goodbye to DD, and I was aware over the weeks before and afterwards that I was using food to cope with that but as I was at least not drinking, at less than a year sober, I let it be. And I had two lots of major, immobilising surgery.
So this year one of my two NY resolutions was to lose that 3 stone. I read around a lot and have gone for Low Carb because it really addresses the addictive nature of sugar and why we can't just eat one, and satiety and how we ignore it, etc. (I've joined the threads on here to do it) I've lost 23lb, and I'm still pretty immobile. Exercise plays very little role in weight loss, when it comes down to the science. Vital for our overall wellbeing, but not a big determinant of weight. That was news to me.

It's almost like a second sobriety - because withdrawing sugar (which is what complex carbs are broken down to) means that I am not papering over my feelings, I stop when I'm full, I enjoy my food, and I am moving better, having now got a BMI of 33 (from 37). Prior to the last couple of years, I was maybe overweight with a BMI of 26-28 but nothing like I have put myself through. I don't want to live with the excuses about it and settle my head into thinking that's the way I am.

Anyway, I know you have found a good path for you, and some great ideas, I just wanted to share my path so far this year in the hope it might help someone else.

LittleMissDisorganized thanks for sharing. I am so pleased for you. You said you were morbidly obese and having now got a BMI of 33 (from 37).


"An individual is considered morbidly obese if he or she is 100 pounds over his/her ideal body weight, has a BMI of 40 or more, or 35 or more and experiencing obesity-related health conditions, such as high blood pressure or diabetes."

Your BMI wasn't 40 or more so I am guessing you had other factors. It is so brilliant that you have got such a good result. Well done.

LittleMissDisorganized Sat 12-Apr-14 16:00:05

Oh right, my experience in the NHS is to use the cut off of 35. It's fairly arbitrary I suppose... horrible term though, horrible thing to face up to. I shall un-label myself though, thank you Italian.
It was impacting my quality of life certainly - I have a long way to go, but having found something sustainable is wonderful and probably a habit for life. It's was also significant in my relationship with God, to tease out what in my eating issues are really idolatry issues, or sinfulness. Definitely life changing.

Hey, how is everyone doing?

Long time no post. I tried on a dress in the size below my size today, it fitted! It was a bit tight but it fitted!!

tinkerbellpixie Thu 17-Jul-14 19:03:54

We are on a break from adoption at a bit of a mutual agreement from S/W and us some administration errors I.e s/w not reading emails etc.. Or returning calls there are issues on decluttering but unless we completely empty our house means we can't get rid of much more.. Our house is poorly designed, but the big point is weight and they want us to join WW or Slimming world WW did not work due to me having allergies to food which is also discounting slimming world..
So other can cutting the crap out which we have done, and increasing exercise which has also increased I walked 10miles today, and a good 2-3 miles a day

Velvet1973 Thu 17-Jul-14 23:52:10

Hi Tinkerbell,
Sorry to hear things are on hold for you. Have you tried the sw extra easy? I know a lot of people still think of sw as the green and red days but the extra easy is brilliant. I would have thought it would be fairly easy to incorporate food allergies into a sw diet now. Ww didn't work for me but I did lose 5 stone with sw but it took 3 years. I'd definitely recommend it especially if you cook a lot of your own meals rather than buy ready meals as it's definitely much easier that way.
Good luck.
P.s. Also found the walking was the best way to lose it too. Tried running and aquafit etc but best results were from a good brisk daily walk so well done.

tinklerbelle hope you will work it all out. Good advice Velvet.

tinkerbellpixie Wed 30-Jul-14 20:58:04

Well after both of us going to the Dr and asking for some help with weight loss so that we can effectively demonstrate to the s/w and panel that we can do it we have both been referred to the tier 3 weight management scheme at hospital. This will be assessments on weight bone density etc and assessing our diet. We have both kept food diaries and I have lost another 6lbs by running around behind minded children all day.
But we are getting there

Velvet1973 Wed 30-Jul-14 21:36:43

Well done Tinkerbelle that's great. I'm really struggling with mine at the mo. Am being good food wise but exercise has gone out the window in thus heat and have a lot going on at the mo. Really want to lose another stone before panel in September but can't see it happening.
You're doing really well to keep your motivation in all the adversity they keep throwing at you.

Well done tinkerbellpixie.

Velvet keep going, don't give up.

Just watched Weight loss ward on ITV. It is inspirational, and scary!

Quite proud of myself today. I threw away things I should not eat! DD's left over shortbread and gammon rind! I did it because I was thinking of you guys, so thanks for the inspiration.

itsbetterthanabox Sat 02-Aug-14 02:08:37

Sorry this may be slightly off topic. But have you been told you have to lose weight to be able to adopt? shock Or am I completely wrong.

itsbetterthanabox it's not off topic. It's fine to ask. We started our accession in 2012 and finished in 2013. We were told my weight was too high and that I needed to try and lose weight. Which I have been doing.

Generally, in adoption social services would like adopters to have a reasonably healthy BMI.

There are lots of reasons for this. Please feel free to ask anything you would like to. Weight alone should not be an issue, unless someone is dangerously overweight.

Back on page 2 of this thread I wrote a bit about the reasons behind this. I said.....

If a person is very overweight or obese there is a chance the children in that family will also be overweight or obese. This might be because of gentics in some families but probably is a lot more to do with habits and patterns of eating and attitude to food. So to put a healthy child into a family where people ate very badly might be viewed by some as being wrong. If it were a choice of a fat family or no family I expect most kids would want a family, but if being in that family means you will end up overweight or obese and as a result get bullied at school or have health problems you can really see where they are coming from in wanting to avoid that and wanting kids to have the chance to join a 'healthy' family.

This does not apply to me as DH and DD are both slim and healthy, very fit and sporty. We eat a very sensible, healthy diet as a family.

The second reason, which does apply to me, is that people who are very overweight or obese run an increased risk of lots of diseases including life-threatening illnesses!

My problems with overeating go back a long way. Over the years I have tried lots of diets and exercise regimes and if I am honest they have all failed long term!

I now do sport that I think is fun (walking and Taekwan-do) and as a Christian I have had some councelling/prayer ministry to deal with the issues of why I over eat. But I am still overweight because I overate for a long time. I had two big break throughs, one last year that dealt with the overeating and another which I really hope has dealt with the reasons why I want to overeat!



I was really hoping for some inspiration and encouragement. I don't want to join a diet club, it's not for me, but I do like to be inspired by other people's great stories.

Hope that explains itsbetterthanabox a tiny bit about why social services may ask prospective adopters to lose weight and also about why I started this thread back in April 2013.

As an update we have now adopted our fit healthy little boy, you joins our it healthy dd and my fit healthy hubby! I am the only overweight, unfit person in the family and I am still working on it.

PS I should say the sozo was not really for me.

The New Id newid.org/ was good and got me on the road.

The best thing has been counselling because my issues with food are connected to the OCD I had when I was a lot younger.

Did anyone else watch Wight Loss Ward?

I do kind of feel for very overweight/obese people there are often (not always) issues behind the overeating. For me it was OCD as a teenager that morphed into overeating in my twenties.

This may not be the case for everyone but I do (personally) think for a lot of seriously overweight people that there can be issues behind why people end up over eating a lot and even putting weight back on after losing a lot of weight. Not always but sometimes.

I watched Weight Loss Ward on ITV this week and people who had lots of a weight through surgery needed lots of help to keep the weight off. One woman had never really got over the death of her mother, her mother was like her best friend and she had not coped well with losing her, I think when she was a young mum herself.

Some issues were even more serious - one poor woman who had had been abused as a child had had issues with food and alcohol and later went on to excessively use pain killers as well binging. Another had lost her best friend as a teenager, her friend had been killed and she ended up being very overweight and said her life had kind of stopped there and then when she lost her friend. She had surgery and went on to lose lots of weight and seemed to be able to move forward.

Also, having watched Supersize vs Superskinny I noticed that many people had issues in their past such as bullying when they were children or had had major issues such as infertility or the loss of a child which had led to either overeating or undereating. Of course not all larger people or people with food issues (either over eating or under eating) will have these major issues in their lives but some will.

Anyway, for me part of weight loss is getting over the issues of past and not relying on food to make me feel better. It was very subtle for me in that it took me years to work out that my impulsive over eating was linked to the OCD I had years ago.

Hi, if anyone is still reading remember me. I have struggled with overeating for years and started this thread about 18 months ago when we were half way through our adoption process. It is all now completed and our little one is home with us.

Sadly, I am still not so little and so I have joined Overeaters Anonymous (OA) and started to go to counselling too, which I tried before I am just so happy to be able to re-start.

I have just started a thread for anyone who is also doing OA and if anyone is interested and wants to pop in and say hi, please do. It is called

Overeaters Anonymous - anyone anonymously out there want to share?!

and is at


I just felt it was a good way to start a specific thread without de-railing any others and I will keep checking on here too in case anyone if going through adoption process and is trying to lose weight. Of course not all people going through adoption who have a little weight to lose need OA, it may well not be for everyone but I do feel it is for me and just wanted to share.

Good luck to all losing weight and in process to adopt.

oh I should just say for any new people reading weight loss can sometimes be an issue for some people adopting! It is not always. And although I have issues with overeating and I weigh more than I should to be healthy I showed social workers I was working on tackling these and the weight did not stop me adopting so please do not see this thread as a negative place. I just wanted to try and start it up again if anyone needs support or has anything to share regarding weight loss in relation to adoption.

Thanks. grin

All going well at the moment with Overeaters Anonymous. Any adopters, or adopters in the making, out there wanting to share stories or inspire, encourage each other?

Things have been tough this week as I have been unwell but things are now looking up.

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