Getting started with adoption and feeling nervous/excited ...(32 Posts)
Hi everyone. I'm a newbie on the site and I've been checking out some of the threads. It is nice to feel like I'm not 'the only one' dealing with stuff like unexplained infertility, failed IVF cycles, 'everyone' else getting pregnant but me, and other fun things like that. Like some of the people on here, we thought about adoption for a long time, but always thought it would happen after a biological child. Well, that was the original thinking but now DH and I are moving on. We have done a prelim interview and in our area the next step is a prep course - time TBC. Hopefully sooner rather than later!
Hello and welcome
You are definitely not alone. Best of luck in this process, make yourself at home here if you like, and don't ever be afraid to ask for advice, or start a thread to chat, rant, cry or anything else you feel like. It's a pretty emotional process!
Welcome I've found the adoption pages really helpful and everyone is so supportive. I was exactly at the stage you are at two years ago. A long roller-coaster process but so worth it!
Just wanted to say hi. I am new too. Just had our first day prep course today so we can go crazy together.
Hi Firenze wishing you luck.
Do feel very welcome to post on this thread here
and there are others about just getting started etc,
All the best.
No you are not alone. I remember the prep courses very well. During them i was fine, but when I got home i was exhausted, they are emotionally draining, so try and prepare yourself as best you can for that. We have just had our little boy placed with us, and it was a hard slog, so my advice to you is to try (?) and not to get too overwhelmed by it, we had some horrendous experiences during the adoption process, including being refused by our LA, and we thought about giving up more than once. However, before i get you all depressed, as I say, we have had our little boy move in, and we could not be happier, it is most definately the most amazing thing I will ever do. I hope you have it a little easier than us, but by all means have a look at my blog if you want the gory details - it tells the story of my infertility, IVF and then eventually adoption. www.theonehandman.co.uk Best of luck.
Wow, thanks very much everyone! I really appreciate all the kind words and support. I will check out the thread for newbies (thanks, Italiangreyhound) and the blog (and you, theonehandman). Broodymomma - sounds good to me!
Btw, Broodymama, how was your first day on the prep course? Is it a weekly thing or all at once?
Hello firenze - I have a seven year old so no help at all when it comes to current prep courses and the like. Always happy to pontificate though even if I know nothing.
Our prep course was good thanks - it's 3 full days spread over 3 weeks.
Kewcumber: Pontificating always welcome.
Broodymama: Glad to hear it. Guess it makes sense to spread it out. Hopefully, we will find out this week when ours is.
How are you all doing, and how is the adoption journey going. Still early days, but how are you all feeling?
Feeling good, medical in one week's time!!
All good here. We have done day 2 of the prep
Course now and still keen lol. I just can't imagine the day we actually bring our child home. On a positive note had to visit my best pal in a labour ward tonight seen lots of newborns and never even felt a twang. First time ever so I know in my heart this is 100 percent the right route for us and I'm so ready for it.
How are you all doing?
Ah the medical - I remember it well. We had a joint medical, and my wife was caught out a bit, but it is a lot of money, for very little.
Broodymomma - Hope the prep course is going okay, it was a bit mind bending for me. Bringing home the child was a bag of mixed emotions for us, but getting to know them is mega! kepp posting on here I am interested in how you all get on. Best wishes. x
theonehandman would you be willing to share a bit of your story, please?
From the dad's/man's side, please? We don't seem to get many dads/men on mumsnet! Would be interesting to hear anything at all, for example how ou and your wife felt/thought about stuff?
Don't want to hijack the thread at all but just curious.
Hi Broodymomma and firenze2.
Italian good luck with the medical. My only piece of advice is to wear big pants!! I has to bend over and touch my toes - I was wearing a thong . Needless to say I told the doctor I was going to stand with my back to the wall and do it .
Actually it was fine really, apart from my DH being diagnosed with diabetes . But even that was a good thing in the long run as it gave him the wake up call he needed to change diet/exercise etc.
Hello Italiangreyhound, that is quite a wide topic, is there anything specific you would like to know? Without wanting to use this thread as a personal advert, all of my stories from when I first took a sperm test to now are on my blog, and I have tried to demonstrate how I, as a man, felt throughout the whole thing, but I am happy to discuss almost any element of our adoption story, and will gladly let you know how I felt - just ... which bit??
Happiestinwellybobs even wearing a thong or big pants I can't touch my toes, what an odd test!
So sorry to hear about our DH, hope he gets the right treatment.
theonehandman Please do send me a link to your blog. I guess i wonder how men process it all. My hubby was pretty nonchelont in the beggining. It was all me and my idea, but now he is more behind the idea and after prep group he seems more keen! I guess how do I ensure I don't take over?? But not to hijack the thread, could you message me or should I post a thread entitled something like 'I want to ask a man something!'
Hi - blog is www.theonehandman.co.uk, but I will message you.
No worries about adding to the thread - happy to see where the discussion takes us. And any info is always useful!
Good point about the man's point of view...that doesn't seem to be something that gets much attention, sadly.
We seem to be getting a bit of a runaround with the LA that we thought was going to take us on. So while we wait for that decision, we've made enquiries with another place. Both have prep courses running in April, but it is annoying how difficult it is to get the process started. But I guess this is just the tip of the iceberg ...
Hope it all works out firenze2.
theonehandman thank you. How lovely that you have the best wife in the world. Where did you get the name from?
theonehandman as firenze is happy for us to digress can i ask a question, please?
Can I ask, what areas do you think that were very different for you and your wife?
Any areas in the adoption process that you think you and your wife reacted to differently, and also whether that was because of who you are or because of general stuff.
We have only just started the adoption journey so I can't yet say what we will be like! but an example I might give for our own fertility journey is that my husband seemed much more bothered by the practical stuff than I was! The long car journeys etc as our clinic was far away. That seemed to bother him more than me. I think it is partly that he is a guy and all the other stuff was not as significant to him as to me (ie it was me who was having constant scans to look at my womb lining!) and also partly because of who my hubby is. Could you give me an adoption related equivelent or two, please?
This is a tricky one. Originally I wanted two children, and my wife only wanted one. This was because I had a great relationship with my brother growing up (still do) and am a big advocate of friendly sibling rivalry. On the other hand, wifers and her sister do not get on, and so she wanted our child to avoid the same treatment she got growing up. The agency decided for us, and we were only approved for one. I cannot think of any element of adoption where we had different opinions because of our sex. HOWEVER... I am a stay at home dad, and she is working. It is difficult for her to come to terms with the fact that I am fulfilling the traditional female role - something she has wanted for many years. That is circumstance rather than adoption though. I will keep in touch to see if anything else pops into my head.
theonehandman thanks that is very helpful.
All best wishes.
We met our new social worker last week. She is quite lively and I am sure she will keep us on our toes.
theonehandman can you tell me, please, when your little one came home what did you and your wife found helpful in terms of getting to know little one?
Did you chat, play games, ask questions, guess etc. I mean stuff like what they like to eat, do, watch on TV etc? Did you find you and your wife went about stuff differently?
Just asking, feel free to ignore if you wish to.
I'm feeling a little perplexed to be honest and wonder if anyone has experienced a similar situation in their homevisits. Our Social Worker seems to be hung up on the fact that my husband lived with an ex and her 3 children she is now with his brother (a situation which has caused a rift between them (although he did attend our wedding and my husband spoke to him when he was ill). This I may add is the only 'skeleton' we have in either of our family closets!. The SW has visited the ex and is happy that my DH was good with her children but she talks on and on about his ex every visit (she even put her on the family tree although she is not married to his brother. I had a 2 hour one to one with her the other day and guess what she talked about? Will it ever stop??
Italiangeryhound - My apologies I have not answered you. The introductions we had lasted about ten days, and we got to know him well during that period, plus the foster carer was brilliant, she was very helpful and offered a great deal of advice. When he first moved in all we did was make sure we stuck to the routine, and spent as much time as we could playing with him. We couldn't leave the house, so we just played and played so we got used to the three of us in the house. You learn what they are like as you do it really. It depends on age of the child but our lad was about 18 months when he moved in, so we put ourselves in his shoes - all he wants to do is mess about, eat and poop! That is what we did!!!
theonehandman Thanks you. So ....mess about, eat and poop! Sound fun. Thanks for sharing. Can I ask where you got your name?
I know it is not exactly good form to start peddling my wares on the discussion board so not going to be making a habit of it. I have however written a post about tips for starting the adoption process - you may (or may not) find some useful. If you want to have a ganders please click here Thanks
Thanks for sharing, onehand. There was a time DH and I had thought he would be the one to stay at home, but circumstances have changed so it will be me. Sort of surprised by how happy I am with that, as there was a time I would have preferred it the other way around. Things change!
Glad you like your SW, Italian. She sounds efficient!
We just had our first home visit for assessment today and began dealing with the mountain of paperwork recently ... our sw seems really organised, which is great.
We also have our third prep group session tomorrow, so things are really starting to pick up some speed (at last!).
Ha - sorry, my last message is out of sync with the thread. I was looking at some earlier posts ...
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.