Intro's day 1

(99 Posts)
funnychic Thu 24-Jan-13 19:51:09

Met my dd today, she is totally AMAZING!! she is very petite but gorgeous, she is clever, funny and just quite lovely. She weighed me up for a few minutes but then wanted to see what was in the gift bag, pepper pig phone and some bubbles plus the transitional soft toy that was in the photo book.

Can't wait for tomorrow when I shall become a baby bore and tell you all about day 2!!

Lilka Thu 24-Jan-13 20:00:04

Wonderful grin

So glad it went well, sounds amazing!

MyDogEatsPoop Thu 24-Jan-13 20:18:08

How lovely to hear - I've got mine coming up soon, so I'm watching your updates with HUGE interest!

VerityPushpram Thu 24-Jan-13 20:22:53

I'm so happy for you both, it sounds completely wonderful!

Devora Thu 24-Jan-13 21:00:22

Oh how lovely well done you x

gallivantsaregood Thu 24-Jan-13 21:19:25

Wow, that's lovely.

Moomoomie Thu 24-Jan-13 21:31:20

That's lovely. Have been thinking of you today.

That is so very wonderful.


LocoParentis Fri 25-Jan-13 07:55:15

I'm glad it went well. I was thinking about you all day yesterday. don't worry about being a baby bore that's what we're here for to agree with you about how wonderful and amazing your daughter is grin

jenny60 Fri 25-Jan-13 09:02:17

Brilliant. Hope today goes as well. Take care of yourself. Introductions can be emotionally exhausting. Look forward to hearing more when you're up for it.

OOh, goosebumps!! No such thing as a baby bore (well there is, but no on the adoption board grin) I'm so glad yesterday went well. My dd is a big Peppa fan too. I hope today goes brilliantly.

Happiestinwellybobs Fri 25-Jan-13 11:29:33

Oh fabulous - glad it went well smile I kept thinking about you yesterday.

funnychic Fri 25-Jan-13 15:47:33

Day 2 Intro's

Well she is still the most adorable amazing little girl! I arrived this morning and was greeted with a smile, she was still clutching the little soft toy I took her yesterday. FC needed some shopping so we nipped out to Asda where I pushed her in the trolley and we sang nursery rhymes all round the store, we then had a bit of lunch and boy does she love her food!
Full 10 hour day tomorrow! X

Lilka Fri 25-Jan-13 16:16:13


Reading this is making me go all gooey-eyed and smiley! How lovely smile

Happiestinwellybobs Fri 25-Jan-13 17:43:42

Lovely smile

Moomoomie Fri 25-Jan-13 19:19:28

How wonderful, glad it is going so well. Take care of yourself, introductions are exhausting.

FamiliesShareGerms Fri 25-Jan-13 19:22:27

Aaah, this is lovely! Funny how a trip to the supermarket can become the best outing in the world, ever, isn't it?!

Ladyofthehouse Fri 25-Jan-13 19:51:45

Oh that's great news!! Sounds lovely

Piffyonarock Fri 25-Jan-13 20:44:52

That sounds so lovely funnychic! Enjoy the rest of your intros!smile

It's so great, how lovely.

WendyGx Sat 26-Jan-13 12:00:23

This is so wonderful. Thinking of you today - 10 hours!

Ah that's lovely, and I hope each day gets better and better. You're totally smitten already, it jumps out from the screen. Keep updating us smile

funnychic Sat 26-Jan-13 17:10:46

Day 3 intro's

Well I am not going to lie, today was a bit tougher. Due to the awful weather had to stay in at FC, although she made herself scarce for part of the day, I found it very hard being in someone else's house. DD is lovely, happy, smiley but it takes some doing entertaining a wee one for several hours and I have to admit I found it a little tough. Shorter day tomorrow and I am taking her out for a couple of hours (god willing the weather is ok).

Even when you're in your own house, a whole day stuck in at home feels very long and it's a challenge to fill it. So it's no wonder you found today a bit of a challenge. Please God tomorrow will be a better day. Even if it's raining, could you go and feed the ducks or something? I crack up if I have to stay in all day so dd and I go out with her in her raincoat and wellies and we look for muddy puddles to jump in a la Peppa smile Hope tomorrow's better.

Moomoomie Sat 26-Jan-13 18:54:13

Not surprising today was tough, as happy has said being stuck in all day is difficult, let alone being in somebody else's house.
Hopefully the weather will be better for you tomorrow and you will be able to get out, even if it is just a walk to the shops or library.
When is your review?

funnychic Sat 26-Jan-13 19:38:48

Review not till Wednesday and she is coming home Thursday! Not a chance of going out today, snow was up to my knees.

Ladyofthehouse Sat 26-Jan-13 20:37:37

We had to spend the first few days in the FC's house and it brought me to tears. The girls were so bored and we were too (and she definitely didn't make herself scarce!!). It's so hard isn't it? But you will get through it and it will be Thursday before you know it.

Do you have a rest day?

Devora Sat 26-Jan-13 20:48:16

I've grumbled enough on these threads about how horrendous I found introductions. One of the worst weeks ever. But the outcome was the best thing ever smile

Moomoomie Sat 26-Jan-13 20:49:41

Keep your focus on Thursday.
I'm not sure how old your dd is, but is she old enough to pop on some wellies and have a play in the snow.
I really know how you feel, the FC of our eldest two was not very accommodating and we felt we were always in the way. I remember that week as being one of the best and worst weeks.

funnychic Sun 27-Jan-13 18:57:41

Intro's day 3

Sorry folks but I am struggling....cried quite a lot today. She is a delight but I saw her fear being alone and out with me and her wanting the FC and it has made me lose my bottle somewhat. She comes to me tomorrow for a few hours. Feel so sorry for the little might but I feel equally sorry for me right now.

FamiliesShareGerms Sun 27-Jan-13 19:50:09

Sorry to hear that, Funnychic. It's natural that she feels more comfortable with her FC (and the fact that she has a good attachment to them and isn't happy to drop everything and go off with you is a really good sign). I hope she starts to feel better about being with you soon (I'm sure she will)

Fingers crossed tomorrow goes well

MrsBW Sun 27-Jan-13 19:51:37

Don't be too hard on yourself... it's such early days. Her fear at being with you (basically a stranger remember) will dissipate gradually, and you will build in confidence as you get to know her. I'm at the start of our journey, but always think of into's as the best and worst of the whole process.

You're doing brilliantly. Keep coming on here and telling us all about it and we'll give you as much support as we can. xx

Moomoomie Sun 27-Jan-13 19:57:53

Of course she is fearful, that is understandable. It is good that she has an attatchment to her FC, she will be able to transfer that to you.
I am sure tomorrow will be easier for you, coming home for a few hours.
i know it is hard but try not to let her see you cry, she won"t understand. You need to stay strong, itis going to be a tough few weeks, but you will both be fine.

Happiestinwellybobs Sun 27-Jan-13 20:54:35

I can only second what others have said. Our intro week was the toughest week of my life I think. Trying to keep emotions in check, feeling that you are being watched or judged (even though we had the most amazing FC, who was anything but judgemental), guilt at taking our DD from the only family she had ever known, guilt at leaving another foster child there, not to mention the tiredness of travelling to and fro. So whatever you are feeling is normal and completely understandable.

The fact that she is attached to her FC is a really good sign. It is really early days but that bond will transfer to you. Stay strong - it will be fine.

funnychic Sun 27-Jan-13 21:16:05

Thank you everyone, I know your all right and I would be saying the same to others in my position. I do feel an immense guilt taking her away from them.
Really hoping the next few days will be ok, she really is a lovely, happy girl.

Devora Sun 27-Jan-13 21:29:01

What the others said. It's counter intuitive but remember that any child who would happily leave the nearest thing they've got to a mother to go off with a stranger is probably a deeply disturbed child with significant attachment issues. Honestly it really is better this way.

My daughter was deeply attached to her foster carer, and by the end of introductions we had made no inroads on that whatsoever. (Why would we have?) But her very distress at moving in with us created the building blocks for our bonding. She desperately needed comfort and a new mummy. I was there. She clung to me all day every day. It was tough but that was how our love was born.

I think we tend to see introductions as the time when our child gets to know us and start accepting us as their new family. But of course it's impossible to achieve all that in just a few days, especially with young children and with the foster carer still around. Your work starts next week and will be in many ways easier in your own home.

Also remember that you are emotionally exhausted. What you are doing is really tough. Try to find ways of refuelling yourself.

LocoParentis Sun 27-Jan-13 22:27:39

I haven't done this yet so I know it's easy for me to say but. yes she is happy with fc and is ofc very wary of you, a stranger. and taking her away from her happy home is heart breaking and any caring person would feel guilty about making her go through this trauma.
the thing is you are not making her go through it. if it wasn't you someone else would be going through this with her as ultimately adoption has been chosen for her and she cannot be with the fc forever.
all you can do is be as strong as you can be and help her through it. we'll all be here being your cheer squad. good luck for tomorrow

apologies for spelling and grammar. I'm not very good with my new tablet

Funny, our start with our dd was different because she was in a baby home in Russia. But I spent 10 days there before we came home with her visiting her. In many ways, it was like your introductions. So much of what you're feeling is familiar to me. My dd didn't have foster carers but a series of carers in the home. Although she was mildly interested in me, she really wanted nothing to do with me while she was still there. She'd give me smiles and let me give her a quick cuddles, but it was the carers that she wanted. This was the way it was the whole time I was there and I was really worried.

BUT... when we left the baby home with her (and while I had no 'guilt' about taking her from there to an undoubtedly better life, I was anxious about she was going to react to her first time out of the only place she'd ever known) dd was really scared and clung to me night and day for several weeks. So while she didn't want me when her familiar carers were around, I was her rock when the rest of the world was different.

When you're at home with your little girl with noone supervising you, it will be so much easier. As others have said, it's great that she's attached to her FC. That's really positive because she will in time transfer that attachment to you. You'll look back on this time in 6 weeks from now and say 'What was I worried about?'

It will get better and better, it really will.

funnychic Mon 28-Jan-13 15:02:55

Intro's day 4

DD came over with FC and SW today, I was still quite weepy and full of emotion but I held it in while she was here. Both say I am doing well and little one is very happy with me, she comes to me for a lot of things and then returns to FC in between which as you all say is right and proper. Testing day will be tomorrow when she is at mine all day till bedtime. Going to try a little trip to the park to break the day up. She is so lovely but I keep thinking is this right for me? I know others were scared like me but did anyone actually fear adopting was wrong at this intro stage?

catkind Mon 28-Jan-13 15:23:56

Aw funnychic, stick with it. No experience with adopting but i can tell you i felt like that at times when pg! It must be such an amazing and scary thing having your family arrive ready made like that. Good luck!

DizzyHoneyBee Mon 28-Jan-13 15:31:38

Awww, how lovely to read Funnychic smile You're a great Mum to her already. How old is she?

Lilka Mon 28-Jan-13 16:13:13

It's quite normal to have some worries and fear. This is a massive change, however wonderful it is. I certainly was a bit overwhelmed after meeting DD1, because suddenly she was a fully real person in front of me and my life was actually changing very suddenly. You can think about it all you like in homestudy, but it's something else when it happens for real. You're doing really well, keep going smile

She sounds a real delight!

Moomoomie Mon 28-Jan-13 18:27:31

Totally normal. Don't get me wrong but it is probably harder for you and others who have adopted as a single person, I had dh to talk to and support me ( as I did him)
Both the SW and FC think you are doing well, as I am sure you are.
Look after yourself, and keep posting.

Moomoomie Mon 28-Jan-13 18:29:37

Oh and definitely try and get out tomorrow, even if it is only for half an hour. And no, people will not be looking at you thinking " that's not her child" smile

FamiliesShareGerms Mon 28-Jan-13 19:30:41

Oh yes, both DH and I felt (at different points during introductions) that we were making a mistake. Not that DD wasn't wonderful, but it is suddenly so real when you are seeing the little girl who is going to be your daughter, rather than talking in the abstract about "matches" or even reading a profile. I think it would almost be odd not to feel a bit overwhelmed - having a new child (birth or adopted) is a huge thing.

But those feelings pass (mostly - I do sometimes still feel I'm playing at this parenting malarkey, even after seven years practice!), and you will sink into the role of being her mum and in time it will be completely natural

Funny, both dh and I felt that way -like Families it was at different times. If you read others' experiences here, it seems to be a very common reaction.

It gets better and better, it really does.

Magslee Mon 28-Jan-13 20:12:54

Hi Funnychic. I hope tommorrow is better. I really feel for you - this time two weeks ago I was exactly where you were. My ds and his fc had a very strong attachment and I felt like I was taking him away from everyone and everything he loved. It was hugely emotional and all the back and forth in the snow and then being stuck indoors makes it even tougher. I think intros are probably extra hard if you are single (I am too) and so it's really important to talk lots and lots to friends about what's going on. But it gets so much easier once the move happens and it is just you and the little one - I can't believe I'm only a week in and it's like he's always been here. Go easy on yourself, there are bound to be lots of ups and downs and remember the little ones have no idea that we don't know what we're doing.

Devora Mon 28-Jan-13 21:12:19

Yes I was full of doubt and ambivalence, both during introductions and for some considerable time afterwards.

Now I can't bear the thought of life without her.

Have you got someone who is taking care of YOU this week?

funnychic Mon 28-Jan-13 22:08:48

Thank you everyone it means so much, you are all helping me through this tough time. I honestly never expected to feel as vulnerable as I have. I do have my family who are all taking it in turns to phone me which is a help and I know what everyone is saying is the truth and the it will get better over time.
Anyway tonight at least I am now feeling a lot calmer and more ready for tomorrow and what it will bring. I am taking it each day as it comes. I do hope I can update you all tomorrow with a little bit of positive news.
Thanks all again xx

LocoParentis Tue 29-Jan-13 00:07:04

good luck tomorrow funny. keep your chin up and put your best face forward as they say x

Funnychic I hope it all goes well.

When my friends have had babies I have always said, sleep when they sleep. Because it is vital to get some shut eye when you can.

I also usually send them this little poem.

I love it, it is so true.....

Song for a Fifth Child

by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

(Perhaps try not to poison any moths while looking after your little one!)

Blessings and all best wishes.

Ah Italian that's just lovely. I'm going to keep that one.

Good luck today funny. I hope it goes well in your house.

jenny60 Tue 29-Jan-13 19:38:05

I know it's hard, but try not to be so hard on yourself. Introductions are tough. We had the best foster carer you could hope for, but still found it difficult. It would be weird if you didn't have doubts about a little girl you don't know. Be kind to yourself and understand that this would be hard for anyone.

funnychic Tue 29-Jan-13 20:27:50

Intro's day 5

Well to start I am bloody knackered, I have just come home from my 50 mile, twice a day trip. I have to admit that it was a lot better today, she settled really well and played with me most of the day and I even managed to let her play alone for a little while. We managed the park but it rained so not for long. As the day went on and she got a little tired she stood at the door shouting for the male FC which always makes me feel so bad. Did bath which she loved and put her in PJ's for the journey home which she slept all the way.
All in all I have to say it was a better day, I hope the momentum continues but I am still not convinced that I am cut out to be a mother on my own.

VerityPushpram Tue 29-Jan-13 20:56:50

Wow, you were a mum all day! No wonder you're knackered. And no wonder you're having doubts. But 'not cut out for'? It doesn't sound that way from what you've said.

It's going to be so wonderful, I'm so excited for you!

Brilliant funny. Well done. It's no wonder you're bloody knackered and I'll bet your dd is every bit as knackered too. I'm sure she was calling for FD because she figured it was time for sleep and she wanted to go home. Pretty soon, she'll be home smile.

You'll need a holiday after these intros! It must be so tough to be doing it alone, not to have a partner to dissect everything with at the end of each day. Hats off to you, you're great and you'll be great when she's yours, all yours.

Devora Tue 29-Jan-13 22:24:55

It is SO much easier looking after your own child, one you have got to know. Much, much harder with a child you've just met.

You'll do great smile

VerityPushpram Wed 30-Jan-13 07:36:10

That's true, not that I have any experience of being a mum, but babysitting my nieces (4 & 1) for the day is so much easier now than it used to be.

Funny hang on in there, I am sure you are doing great.

Eat nutritional food to keep your strength up.

Get lots of sleep at night.

Structure your time together but allow for spontaneous fun! I am sure you know it all already. Use whatever is to hand and safe and fun, pots to bang with wooden spoons (muffle them with tea towels if you can't stand the noise), visit the garden and hunt for snails, story times and all that to help make the day differrent bits, too much of the same will be hard for you, I mean too much free play etc. We found junk modelling was fun and cheap.

If you set up a game or play let her help you do it, it doesn't make it any easier for her but it makes it more fun for her and helps you to do stuff together - e.g. we collected leaves together in the garden then painted them then printed them onto paper.

All the best.

Sorry - that should read '... it doesn't make it any easier for YOU but it makes it more fun for her...'

And IGNORE me if you know it all already, I just wish you well.

Kewcumber Wed 30-Jan-13 12:27:55

Introductions are a peculiar time. I was totally stressed, felt like I had no clue what I was doing (which was because quite frankly I didn't), felt like everyone was watching me do everything wrong and judging.

I had lots of doubts - not when I was with DS but when I went home afterwards I spent hours worrying about if I was doing the right thing for him as well as me. In the end I had to just stop thinking about it, take a pragmatic approach - ie I was going to be his parent however I felt about it and I may as well get on with learning how to do it. I just had to think that way because the constant agonising and overthinking everything was driving me insane.

No-one is cut out to be a motehr either on their own or with anyone else - its a skill you have to learn and yes some people have a natural bent for it and others don't. Everyone can learn to be a competent parent. I am not a "natural" mother but DS regularly tells me I am the best mother in the world. Of course I'm not but I have successfully brainwashed him into thinking it.

Chin up - it goes get more natural as time goes on.

Kewcumber Wed 30-Jan-13 12:31:13

DS was slow to attach to me compared with other children and had no real attachemtn problems in teh long run (minor ones which you might expect but nothign much thats hard to deal with).

Knowing that they are attached to someone else and that they prefer them may be a good and normal sign but that doesn't make it feel any the less like a rejection and can (did in my case) affect your ability to bond with them or at least slow the process down. Again it hasn;t been a problme in the long run but did make the early stages trickier for me.

DizzyHoneyBee Wed 30-Jan-13 20:29:03

How did yesterday and today go? Thinking of you.

sickofthissnow Wed 30-Jan-13 20:43:56

Funnychic... I just wanted to thank you for this thread... as a Foster Carer who has (yet) to do intro's it has been incredibly enlightening to read your story...

I've heard so many times how difficult they are - for everyone - and I hope if/when the time comes for me, I will bear in mind your struggles and be mindful of these along with my own struggles !! It sounds very intense and emotional.

The very best of luck to you and your daughter and I look forward to hearing your updates in the future.. x

Lilka Wed 30-Jan-13 21:18:58

I hope your review today went well Funny smile

I agree with kew - you have to learn to do all this, don't worry because being a mum isn't an innate thing. You'll work out how best to do things as you go along.

You sound like you're doing great so far smile

funnychic Thu 31-Jan-13 08:24:58

I just couldn't do it. I have terminated my responsibility.
I am sorry.

Good luck everyone

catkind Thu 31-Jan-13 09:29:29

Hugs funnychic. And wine if helpful.

Lilka Thu 31-Jan-13 09:49:57

Oh funny I'm sorry. There's no need to apologise to us

Many many hugs to you xxxx

You have our support

Magslee Thu 31-Jan-13 10:25:39

I'm really sorry you've had such a hard time and hope you're ok. Thinking of you x

Devora Thu 31-Jan-13 10:31:35

Oh funnychic, I am so very very sorry.

Please stay and talk about it if it helps.

Funny, so, so sorry. Please be good to your self.

Moomoomie Thu 31-Jan-13 12:26:19

Funnychic.... I am so sorry, what a very difficult decision to have to make.
We are all here for you, please come back and talk to us or PM if that is easier.
Thinking of you. X

MyDogEatsPoop Thu 31-Jan-13 12:38:04

Oh funnychic, I am sorry. For what it's worth, I think you're very brave - it must be incredibly hard after everything you've been through to get to that point and admit it's not right - but much better than struggling on realising you're making the wrong choice. Also thinking of you.

VerityPushpram Thu 31-Jan-13 13:04:04

My best wishes too, funnychic. That must have been such a hard decision to make. Take some time to heal.

Kewcumber Thu 31-Jan-13 14:06:01

I'm sorry funnychic - I hope you are looking after yourself.

HappySunflower Thu 31-Jan-13 14:29:31

Just to let you all know that I'm in touch with funnychic off board and have spoken to her today.
We are going to speak again later, I will make sure that she knows that there is support here for her if and when she feels she needs us.

Happiestinwellybobs Thu 31-Jan-13 15:18:36

I'm so sorry funnychic. What a difficult decision to make. Thoughts are with you, and any support we can offer.

Support from here too and I also think you're very brave to do what feels right no matter how hard the decision.

Slightly off topic. My sister's friend was due to get married some years ago. She was in her late 30s, had lived with her fiancé for a couple of years and they had a very drama-free relationship. Her invitations had been sent out (so wedding was no more than 6 weeks away and she suddenly decided it didn't feel right and cancelled the wedding. There were some in-law issues, nothing dreadful but they were quite opinionated (and she's a lovely quiet woman) and interfering and she just didn't think she could take a lifetime of them. She and her fiancé broke up for a while but got back together after a time.

About a year later, she and her fiancé went away and got married quietly.

My point is: everyone was a little shocked at the time that she had gone so far with the wedding plans before she called a halt but everyone also said how terribly brave she was not to keep going with it just because she was caught up with the flow of things.

They now have a lovely little girl born when X was 42 years old.

My point is, doing what feels right is always the right thing to do. You have to listen to your gut. But also, this doesn't have to be the forever decision, just the for now decision.

Big unmumsnetty hugs to you. I hope you're getting loads of IRL support.

DizzyHoneyBee Thu 31-Jan-13 16:47:55

Hugs. better to make that decision now than later, it sounds like you have been very responsible about the whole situation.

FamiliesShareGerms Thu 31-Jan-13 19:18:20

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that Funny. A brave decision. We're here if / when you want to talk about it

Funnychic thinking of you.

mrsballack Thu 31-Jan-13 21:37:31

I'm sorry to hear this. I've been following your updates. Hope you are ok x

LocoParentis Fri 01-Feb-13 06:28:40

I'm sorry funny, I concur with everyone that it takes strength to stop something like this when you have gone so far.

I'm so very sorry for you

Panadbois Fri 01-Feb-13 08:15:04

I'm so sorry Funny. Hugs.

As a new-ish FC with only two placements under my belt I can understand how you feel. I can say hand on heart, when both placements started, I lost a stone.

Both times I was nervous and sick to my stomach with apprehension and overwhelment for the first month or so. And if a SW were to offer to take LO back during that first month I would have said yes. Its a horrible feeling, doubt, dread , everything.

Be kind to yourself x

AngelsWithSilverWings Fri 01-Feb-13 13:46:29

I've sent you a PM as we have exchanged messages in the past. Have been following your progress and would like to offer support if I can.

jenny60 Sun 03-Feb-13 20:11:29

Thinking of you. Please pm if you want a chat. You were brave and so much better now than later down the line.

MrsBW Mon 04-Feb-13 15:00:54

Funnychic just wanted to add my voice to the chorus of support.

I hope you are OK.

Devora Mon 04-Feb-13 15:31:42

Just wanted to say to everyone: I don't know if we'll hear from funnychic again (but funnychic, if you're reading this, please know we'd love to stay in touch) but my heart is breaking for her. It must be a horrendous thing to go through, and words are so inadequate. What CAN we say to someone going through this? What help is there - do ss generally provide counselling and support?

AngelsWithSilverWings Mon 04-Feb-13 17:52:55

I can't stop thinking about it. I hope she is getting some real life support either from her SW or her family.

I'm really hoping that intros have been restarted with some better support in place and Funnychic will be back with an update soon.

I have friends who went though dreadful introductions and came very close to terminating the adoption. This was down to the FC not wanting to give the children up and not getting any support from her key worker. Luckily my friends' SW took control of the situation and all was resolved.

I have foster carer friends who get so little support during introductions that they really struggle with having the new adoptive parent's in their home. This causes all sorts of tensions which ,when added to the stress that the adopters are under and all the travelling back and forth, lead to potential break downs.

funnychic Mon 04-Feb-13 19:17:52

Hi everyone thank you for your kind words which I don't deserve. It was nothing to do with the child, FC or SS I just felt overwhelmed by the enormity of being a mother at my age and being single. I regret getting to the stage of meeting the most wonderful child but I knew my heart was never going to be in it the way it should have. I feel absolutely wretched, I cant eat or sleep but in time I hope this will pass.
SS are understandably not impressed with my change of heart but their best interests have to be with the child and not me. I have got family around me so I am not alone although it does feel that way in my heart. It is the end of a dream and that is why I am so sad. I wont be coming on here any more I am not a mother and don't belong on here.
Please don't worry about me I will be ok.
Thank you everyone and I wish you all love, luck and health.xx

Lilka Mon 04-Feb-13 20:09:48

And I also wish you good health and luck
also peace and a good future xx

You do deserve kind words. I hope you can get support for yourself. I am sorry you feel wretched and I hope this will get easier with time

Moomoomie Mon 04-Feb-13 20:21:07

Funnychic.... You do deserve support, you have just made the most difficult decision you have probably had to make.
I too wish you all the very best for the coming months and years.

Devora Mon 04-Feb-13 20:23:43

Very best of luck to you, funnychic. I hope you get peace of mind soon and that your future brings you fantastic gifts, whatever path you choose.

Happiestinwellybobs Mon 04-Feb-13 20:58:05

Oh my goodness... Of course you deserve kindness and support. I have thought so much about you over the past few days. This is not an easy path to choose for anyone, and to contemplate doing it as a single person is just so tough.

Better making this decision now than later. I too hope that this wretchedness eases over time. Wishing you love and luck in whatever you do x

FamiliesShareGerms Mon 04-Feb-13 22:52:53

Good luck, funnychic, however you decide to proceed.

Remember "Mumsnet" is a bit misleading, in that there are plenty of people posting on here who don't have kids, so please don't feel you have to leave, especially if there's a chance we might be able to support even a teeny but through this time (and beyond)

funnychic, I wish you all the very best and I hope in time that you'll be able to look back on this time and be proud of yourself for being brave enough to be very honest with youself. Often, it's easier to keep on going because of the expectations of others. I wish you peace.

YOU DO deserve support. You are a brave person. I wish you all the very best for the future.

Thinking of you.

God Bless you Funnychic.

We will miss you, please do stay around if it helps you.

MyDogEatsPoop Tue 05-Feb-13 13:30:28

All best wishes from me too. Stories like this are the ones we don't really get to hear - I've always thought of introductions, and adoption in general, as a bit like going on a blind date after having promised you'll marry them. There's no shame in realising it's just not going to be a great partnership on a blind date is there? Simplistic I know, but sometimes it's staggering that this process ever works at all!

SunnyS Sun 03-Mar-13 10:25:50

Hello I am very sorry to hear you story. It sounds like the SW could have supported you better so you didn't have do all that driving etc as well. Hugs. I hope you take time to work things out. Have you looked at the single adopters and prospective message boards on the Adoption Uk message board? I am trying to adopt at present and I understand what you mean about not being a mum yet

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