Mumsnet Talk

Circumstances you have to me or that exclude you from adopting?

I understood that each county set their own "rules" and guidelines. You would need to ask your centre for their own rulings.

there are very few legal "rules" parents are considered based on their own attributes and macthed based on what is in the best interests of the child.

Some LA's won;t apporve AP's who smoke, ohters will.

Technically age, money and race are no bar but in practice given the lack of non-white adoptive parents they will obviously be matched quicker than white.

If you have exisitng brith chidlren it is generally considered for well researched reasons to need a minimum of 2 year gap between your youngest birth child and any adopted child.

Your home needs to be safe and generally you would need a bedroom for each child - I'm not sure if some LA's will accept same sex siblings sharing a room.

Disenchanted - can you give more details please?

obviously serious crimanal convictions. friends of our were excluded and had to go to the states as she had had mental health problems.being obese.

Mostly it was the room, we have 3 bedroomedhouse with 3 children so suppose based on that its already a no go.

The only other thing was my DH has suffered from depression, been on meds etc and was wondering if that would factor against us, would it be a big no if he were still on ADs?

Truth be told, I would like another child but not sure I could go through pregnancy again but I don't think we would be approved,
#
Which makes me sad as we could provide a child with a really great home who needs one, I just don't think it would happen though.

Also makes me that I could go on to have 3 biological children without anyone batting an eye lid if that makes sense?

makes total sense disenchanted.

actuall makes no sense, sorry.its amazing what hoops you are expected to jumpo thru.

i would love 3, but dh is getting more and more belligerent with ss, even thought they are all fab. we have had them in and out of our lives for 8 years now.
its worth a conversation i think, with your local la, or adoption agency.you will then find out if its worth persuing.

Thanks Hifi.

Its something I've always thought we would do but not sure if its possible.

Its worth going though to see if it is or what changes would be needed to make us able.

Disenchanted - I think the sensible thing to do here (as others have said) is to talk to your local SSD, but make sure that you talk to an adoption social worker, as they will be able to give you the best advice. There are many things that have to be taken into consideration (far too numerous to mention here) and yes one of the things is your mental and physical health. All prospective adoptors need medicals and a medical advisor to the l.a. then comments on the suitability of applicants in relation to their medical history. It isn't possible to be categoric here and you are not committing yourself to anything by making some preliminary enquiries. There is a big shortage of adoptors and I don't think you should be put off before you even begin, so do think about having a talk with an adoption sw who will be able to advise you

Just to let you know that I am an approved adopter with a birth child, living in a 2 bed flat. We have been told it is no problem that an adopted child will share a room with birth child. Three caveats on this:

- we are only approved for a child the same sex as our birth child

- we are approved for a young child (0-2); don't know if this would be more of an issue with older children

- m;y dp is black Caribbean, so we are more in demand (in adoption terms)

Having said that, we haven't been matched yet and I guess it is possible that children's social workers will balk at the lack of space.

Thanks Hester but I've just been told we are not eligable for fostering due to the bedrooms

Am really upset as I been thinking about it alot lately.

DH and I were considering fostering but have been ruled out due to having 3 bedrooms with 3 children.

Apparently you need to have a spare room.

Seems a shame when there are apparently so many children looking for a home.

I think its right that any fostered child shoudl have their own bedroom - they need privacy and a space of their own

also its not really safe for them to share a room with the foster carers children

Mostly the "rules" are common sense when you think that adopted children can be a lot more work and disruption than birth children. SS are trying to establish that the parents are in good enough mental and physical health to last the course, and have a support network for back up. Our SW's did not once even go upstairs to look at our prospective bedrooms. I don't think sharing is necessarily a problem for young children.

Obviously you don't have to read forums for very long to see that people often feel unfairly judged and probably are because it's a subjective matter and SW's prejudices come into it, but essentially it's an attempt to make sure the children are put into a stable home that can give them the support they need. As much as you ever can without a crystal ball.

Disenchanted, did they tell you your house was too small? If you had more birth DC's would you squash them in or consider moving? People might bat an eyelid if you had 6 children in a 3 bedroom house

Being an experienced parent might be IN your favour TBH.

I suspect its probably for good reason - many fostered children will need a degree of privacy because they're moving in with complete strangers which I'm sure is very stressful. Also if you have a child with nightmares, disturbed nights or a tendancy to be aggressive, I think you would probably cause a problem expecting your children to share.

I agree that fostered children need their own room for lots of very good reasons.

Also agree that its a huge barrier to lots of potential foster carers.

I could post for hours about this but I wont cos its boring for everyone but me

Bedroom thing makes sense for foster kids, as has been said above.

But for adopted babies? Many birth babies have to share a room with an older sibling as the family expands, until extensions are built, or families move home... My nieces shared until they were ten and eight, didn't do them any harm.

<shrugs>

I don't think it's fair or sensible to exclude otherwise good potential adopters for such a temporary reason. No wonder so many kids end up permanently in care or going from one foster home to the next.

I think its probably to do with the average age of adopted kids lindsay ?

They are the foster kids already discussed so have the same issues. For babies and small children I think its very different. Children over 2-3 really need their own room though I think.

But the rule excludes families on lower incomes/smaller houses etc. Makes it difficult for those who live in cities where property is more expensive.

We didnt have to have an extra bedroom as kinship adopters. We would not have been approved otherwise though.

If more adopters from wider backgrounds are needed there should be something done. Grants for adaptations maybe?

Actually, a family I know did get a grant to adapt up into the loft when they adopted, but it was pretty special circumstances - they took on three small siblings all at once so the kids wouldn't have to be split up.

Amazing, eh?

Yes I have heard of that when large sibling groups are adopted. Desperation I think.

I think if a family are deemed the best family for a particular child or sibling group, money/space shouldnt prevent the match IYSWIM.

But that would mean a hell of a lot more money being available and I cant see that happening any time soon

"But that would mean a hell of a lot more money being available and I cant see that happening any time soon"

Nuts though, because over a lifetime it must cost more to keep them in care?