Another birth parent here - adopted too, I had a lot of input into selecting my child's parents and met them too. My baby went to her parents straight from hospital at about one week old. Can't remember how this was achieved although I do remember I fought for this to happen and it wasn't usual. Not sure these experiences will have relevance to you though as it sounds like the situation you are part of is more complex and may be slower to resolve.

Hopefully however it works out it will be positive for those involved. There may yet be time for the mother to grow up with support but adoption is a good option definitely not a compromise for the baby although probably for most birth parents.

thank you for posting audley, its always good to hear from a birth parent. I can;t imagine how difficult it is to make the decision to place your child for adoption and am grateful that I have never been faced with that decision myself.

What a benefit to your child that she has been able to maintain some contact - however painful it must be for you, it must be of benefit to her as you sound so nice!

I would give a great deal to be able to give DS any information about his birth paretns but sadly its not to be.

Hi OvaryActing,
Just wanted to add my experience as a birth parent. I decided to give my child up for adoption while I was still pregnant. I was able to be very specific about the sort of family I wanted for my baby. I was given brief details of three couples that matched my "wish list" and I was able to choose the final couple. I wanted my baby to be placed with them immediately but this was not possible. She had to be born to see if there were any health issues or disabilities that would deem the match inappropriate. Her adoptive parents were not told about her until she was born. She was in foster care for 6 weeks before going to her new family. I was allowed as much contact as was practical while she was fostered. I have had letters and photos every 6 months since her adoption and started seeing her in person when she was 11 (4 years ago). I have since worked as a Children and Family social worker assessing birth parents and placing children for adoption. I have had the most positive adoption experience than anyone else I have known about. Even so giving my child up for adoption has been the most painfully heavy burden for me and my mother, so even if it may be the best choice, it is a hard route to take. Get as much support as you can and best of luck to you all.

yes, birth parenst can express opinions about what kind of adoptive family they would like for their child

eg religion, with or without other children already, living in the country etc

there are many MANY families waiting for a new baby and SS should be willing to accomodate these preferences as long as they are reasonable

hifi's example is a good one - its quite common for parents to want a family who will ensure that the child gets a good education. i know a couple who were matched with their baby because she was a teacher.

other birth parenst want a family with no bio kids, or with other children already, so they have siblings

she should also be able to meet the adoptive parenst, once they have been matched , and get photos or news of her child

It's good things have changed... it was overdue!

Bran - I think you may be referring to the Public Law Outline which is legislation intended to speed up the process of decisions about the future of children who are the subject of care proceedings. The basic tenet of the with holding of consent and the need for the judge to make a decision as to whether consent is being unreasonably with held or not has not changed.

Shockers - assume you are talking about the issue of mother's withholding consent to adoption and whether consent can be dispensed with and the baby or child placed for adoption. In these cases, a judge has to decide whether the mother is reasonable in with-holding her consent and if he feels that this is the case, then he will not make a Placement Order and the child cannot be placed for adoption. If however he judges that the mother is unreasonable in withholding consent, then he can dispense with her consent and make the Placement Order. All decisions are of course made with the child's best interests at heart, and not the interests of the birth parents.Maybe I should have added that to my original post.

The point I was trying to make is that it is by no means the case that if a mother with-holds consent to adoption that the child will end up spending a lifetime in care, which is what I thought you were saying.

I think in the case of a newborn baby (as this thread is about)if the case was proven that the bay was suffering significant harm (or likely to suffer significant harm) in the care of the parents and the l.a. made application for a Placement Order, and the mother was with holding consent to adoption, any judge would not deem this to be reasonable and would dispense with consent. Judges are well aware that children have the right to stability and permanency and in my experience usually make very sensible decisions in the court process.

The procedure has changed recently shockers. Between the time that we got DS, over 4 years ago, and this spring when we got DD there have been a few changes in the law and the way things are done. Now it's much quicker to get a placement order for a child, allowing them to be placed with an adoptive family.

Sorry NanaNina but I do know of cases where that has happened. Two in fact.

Thanks for your help. I wish I could just scoop the baby up when it is born and keep it forever. I feel so protective of it already and just want the best for him or her.
It's good to know that a life in foster care isn't as likely as I had anticipated, thank goodness.