Hi

You guys were great in helping me write a reference for my friends who are hoping to adopt. The process is dragging on (it seems soooo slow!) but now the Social Worker would like to meet us and have a chat about out friends.

I've got a few questions about this - can anyone help?
- How in-depth will this sort of thing be? Do I expect 30 minutes informal chat or a more formal interview lasting an hour or so?

- I can't remember everything I wrote in the reference - should probably have photocopied it, but didn't think of this at the time! Do you think this will matter? Can I ask to see what I wrote?

- The reference was done by me and my husband, but the main link is between me and my friend ( the mum-to-be). Do you think the Social Worker will want to see both my and my DH, or just me on my own?

Basically, like I said last time, I have no doubts that my friends will make responsible, loving parents and want to help them as much as possible.But am v scared that I will mess things up for them somehow by saying the "wrong" thing or wording something wrongly!

Any advice / answers will help me enormously. Thanks in advance.

ask for a copy by all means. i dont think it will matter too much if dh isn't there. from what i can remember they ask things like how does your friend cope in stressful situations.
does she have a good support network, that can mean friends as well as family.does she and her partner have similar values etc.anything they ask you that you are unsure about say so, dont surmise.they may ask what their views on discipline are, if you dont know dont say.

have you got children?, has she had any contact with them? how was she with them?

what are there outside interests/hobbies.
how do you think the dynamics of the couple will change when they have a child.
mil is filling a form in at the moment for our second so i will ask her whats on it.

Thanks hifi, it sounds like more chat on the sort of things I filled in on the reference then - I can sort of remember the topics covered but can't recall my actual replies.

I have two children and my friend has babysat once they were in bed, babysat including bathing them and putting them to bed, come with us on days out and, last week, took them both over to her house for a day of fun while we were having our back door and toilet window double-glazed! She has loads of contact with them and is brill (she used to be a primary school teacher of the best kind). So I have loads of stuff to talk about on that side of things.

It's really helpful to think that I don't have to provide an answer for every question. After all, it's hard enough for yourself to say what you'd do in a hypothetical situation, let alone comment on someone else. So knowing that "I don't know" is a valid answer helps me a lot!

Thanks hifi