We live in Singapore where corporal punishment by parents is more common than here (how much I don't know).

DH has a colleague who has caned his children many times, believing it to be in their best interests (do we have a gob-smacked emoticon).

He's now looking into adoption and I'm concerned that caning a child with attachment issues would be bad idea (huge understatement).

Can anyone recommend a book that expcitly and strongly warns against this, so I could get them it as a "thoughtful gift"?

I don't think you can do this.

Do what?

Give a book about parenting adopted children to someone who is adopting.

Stay away, however well intentioned you are. This is a different culture to your own - and your DH's colleague to boot. I just wouldn't do anything that could be construed as interfering having an opinion about these people's parenting skills.

I think it would work in the context that we have an adopted child therefore he approached DH for advice on how to go about it. He and his wife are coming round to dinner so we can discuss it.

I think a gift of a book about adoption would be considered throughtful, and might make them think a bit. Obviously it wouldn't just be about caning, so would not come across as interfering if handled tactfully.

So no-one has any suggestions, or just shocked at the question?

well I can;t imagine an adoption book advocating smacking let alone caning so you'd be pretty safewith any of them!

How old is the child. Very highly recommended is "parenting the child that hurts" - there a couple of versions one for babies and toddler and one for preschool/school age.

I'm sure it must cover discipline.

I'll see what else I can find.

oldnewmummy - woudl your frineds be adopting a baby? most of teh books i knwo well are aimed at parents adopting older children. Although i guess a lot of the issues are the same....

what I'm thinking is that they tend to say that you shouldn't smack children because they may have been physically abused before. your friends would probably disregard this because they were adopting a baby . does that make sense?

KewC: Thanks. I've read quite a lot of adoption books myself but never really noticed the "don't use corporal punishment" bits as I wouldn't anyway! I was hoping there might be a "Ten reasons not to smack your adopted kids" somewhere! I thought about "why Love Matters" but might be too obvious.

Kristina: Don;t know yet, and I'm not sure they even know yet what their options are. Private adoption is very common here, in which case the baby would be very young. The other main option would be from a Chinese orphanage, with all the issues that brings. Maybe I should gentky steer thn towards the private route since those children are likely to have less issues.

Off on holiday in a few hours with limited INternet access, so will check this thread when I return. Don't want to think I'm being rude by not replying