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Stepdad adopting my Ds

(9 Posts)
festiveleadballoon Thu 24-Nov-16 23:14:08

Keeping in mind biological father hasn't seen him for 8 years since he was 3 years old. Where do we start? What would happen? Would there be a big involvement with biological dad does he have any say?
Ds really wants stepdad to adopt him but I'm worried about it uprooting everything and getting him back involved again ....

flapjackfairy Fri 25-Nov-16 10:01:04

You would need birth fathers permission and cannot just end his legal rights as far as I know.
If he wont co operate it would involve a court terminating his parental responsibility. However I am no expert and no experience so hopefully more knowledgeable people will be along to help soon. Just didnt want to leave you with no response.
Why not ring the adoptionuk helpline. They can give you free advice and will know the legalities of it all and you dont need to be a member to call.
Hope that helps.

ficklesticklebricks Fri 25-Nov-16 13:28:41

Yes, birth father would need to be contacted and asked permission.

An easier solution may be for his stepdad to apply for PR. The courts are often more likely to give PR to extra people, than they are to take PR away from one person to give to another, if it's in the interests of the child.

catsnickedallmypens Fri 25-Nov-16 21:01:29

Hi festive. You would have to make an application to the court for a step-parent adoption. The case would then be allocated to social services for a report and checks to be carried out and then social services would make a recommendation to the court regarding your application. As part of the assessment for the report your ex would have to be interviewed by social services as he would lose his PR altogether if the application is granted.

Social services would have to track your ex down. If they try all reasonable measures to find him but he can't be found they could still recommend supporting your application. If your ex is found and agreeable to your application he will be asked to give his written consent. If he refuses to give consent to your application but social services feel this is unreasonable, and not in your son's best interests, they can recommend that the court dispenses with his consent altogether. If your ex has had no contact or involvement with your son for 8 years for no good reason then he has effectively abandoned his son.

As part of the assessment your son would be interviewed for his feelings about becoming legally separated from his birth father and also his wishes regarding the your OH becoming his legal parent.

Hope this helps

catsnickedallmypens Fri 25-Nov-16 21:04:14

btw - as fiddlesticks says you could apply for your OH to be granted PR then all 3 of you would hold it. But you ex would still need to be consulted as an existing holder of PR.

festiveleadballoon Fri 25-Nov-16 21:45:55

So sorry I wrote this last night and then forgot until now! Thank you so much for your advice. I think my main worry is getting in contact again wether it's social services or is and just uprooting all the lives involved. I worry about how emotionally damaging it could be to ds if his biological father wanted to get back in touch after all these years. I'm scared of the upheaval of our lives especially ds. I know this all sounds selfish and suppose if he wanted a relationship with him then I can't stop him if that's what ds wants. It's just the change of everything isn't it ...

catsnickedallmypens Fri 25-Nov-16 22:17:20

festive what were the circumstances around your ex stopping his involvement with your son?

What are your son's feelings towards his birth dad and any potential future contact?

It's perfectly acceptable to not want to give this info if you prefer. I just thought it might shed light on the situation.

2old2beamum Sat 26-Nov-16 14:23:07

Just adding my thoughts, I agree with catsnickedallmypens
My birth mother dumped me when I was 5ish. My DF remarried when I was 11 and evil stepmother adopted me whe I was 12. The most painful thing for me was how could BM relinquish me so easily was I so awful?
I wish you all the best, please do not let this stop you doing what you want, these are just my thoughts, maybe I am odd.

festiveleadballoon Sat 26-Nov-16 19:50:38

Hi. I've spoken to my ds and told him as truthful as possible everything I can . Contact just seemed to diminish not sure why. I didn't see it my responsibility to make contact first to ask why. I don't know if this was the right decision but in my eyes it shouldn't have been me to be the one who chased him to keep in contact and to force him to have a relationship with ds. I figured if he wanted to then he could make contact. I've told ds his father was a nice person but I can not tell him the reason why he has stopped seeing him as I don't know why. I wanted him to know his father was a nice person i would never bad mouth him to ds that isn't my place to and never will Be. Ds asked if his real father loves him I've told him and I replied that I'm sure he does but I can't speak for him. Ds has said he doesn't want to see him as if he can't be bothered to see him then why should he (his words) . He wants my dh to adopt him.

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