Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Intros close to Christmas

(9 Posts)
Rufus27 Wed 23-Nov-16 20:42:37

All being well our LO will be moving in 11th December. She is seven months old. SWs have advised that she must meet no family or friends for at least six weeks - which obviously includes Christmas and New Year.

Have elderly parents who live close by who we always have Christmas lunch with at theirs (no other relatives, just us). Would it be massively detrimental to attachment building to still see them on Christmas Day, even just for a few hours? (We would say no cuddles/physical contact).

My parents have been ever so supportive of our adoption journey and it would break their hearts not to see us at Christmas; would it be terrible to make an exception to lock down just for an hour or so on just this occasion? Or are the potential risks to attachment building too great?

Any advice/experiences appreciated.

Kylieshotpants Wed 23-Nov-16 21:06:19

Firstly, congratulations!
Depends on how you feel LO is settling. Prepare family in advance that it might not be best if LO needs more time to settle and that cuddles will have to wait a little longer.

Short visits, preferably at your home where you hold and remain with LO while family are visiting should be fine. We had this with our 11mt old in the summer and she managed well with short visits with us chatting while she played.
It's hard because you want to share but need to settle LO. Next year you can relax more and enjoy with everyone. Good luck!

Italiangreyhound Wed 23-Nov-16 22:10:41

Congratulations I agree, short visits. Not lots of contact. I bet she will sleep a lot. It would be a shame for your parents to miss this. If she were older I would be less keen but 7 months seems crazy to exclude them on this special day.

Enjoy.

Just Don't talk about it with social workers if they ask beforehand I'd just say quiet Christmas. If they ask after I would not lie. I'd probably say parents dropped a gift over. Baby asleep. (If true!) You do not need to go into details or seek permission.

Our son met people at age 3 fairly soon because he had to, our dd at 9 had friends over etc. smile

dibly Wed 23-Nov-16 22:51:53

I think you'll be fine, we were told to funnel and not meet relatives for the first month by SWs per placement, but then after they recommended we spend an hour with grandparents in the first week! Our LO was one. As it goes we did leave it a few weeks, but providing you do all the caring then it should be fine. And big congrats!

luckylucky24 Thu 24-Nov-16 07:33:53

6 weeks is a long time for a 7 month old! I would let them see her for a couple of hours too.

catsnickedallmypens Thu 24-Nov-16 15:04:38

Rufus would it be possible for them to come to you just for a couple of hours on Christmas day instead? That way your DD is still in her familiar home environment so not too much change all at once.

It is hard but you're building up your daughter's foundations for attachment here and this is crucial for the rest of her life. I wouldn't have thought that them coming to you instead would be problematic as long as it's still just you and your OH doing the actual care.

Italiangreyhound Thu 24-Nov-16 16:23:34

Rufus I missed this "///Have elderly parents who live close by who we always have Christmas lunch with at theirs (no other relatives, just us). "

I'd say lunch at your house would be much better.

They could cook the meat and potatoes or whatever at their house and bring it fully cooked and do veg at yours, or you do veg or whatever. Or have a simple lunch?

Flexibility is key for those supporting adopted children, IMHO.

Rufus27 Fri 25-Nov-16 14:19:11

Thanks for all the really helpful advice and suggestions which we are going to follow. Wish I'd asked you sooner rather than worrying!

MintyLizzy9 Sun 27-Nov-16 08:43:03

Wow congratulations!

My intros started first week of Dec and DS moved in during the second week. My parents came round for 30 min each day to start with and then day before Xmas eve I injured myself and was basically bed ridden for a couple of weeks. They had to move in and help with DS, I was terrified of the impact it would have but all turned out well. Our original plan before I was ill was for them to spend Xmas day and some of boxing day with us. I did have to have a conversation about It being me that would have to deliver so I.e mum would prep his food but I would give it to him, mum would lift him in and out of bath for me but I would wash him etc. In the end it worked out well and he has a lovely bond with them.

DS was 23 months when he moved in.

Have an AMAZING Christmas with your little one. Ours was so low key last year we didn't even have any decs or a tree, I'm going a bit batty with it all this year and it will look like an elf has puked around the house I've bought that much tinsel grin

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now