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F2A Sibling

(18 Posts)
Noseyposey1 Mon 31-Oct-16 15:52:17

Hi Everyone

I have known for a while that my youngests birth mum was expecting. Baby was born in September and they went into a parenting assesment. I have tried to find out any information but always given very little. Birth mum has a learning disability which presented as quite significant with regards to major lack of care to her first born who we have adopted. I don't expect this assessment to go well sadly and have been given indications that it isn't and the LA have suggested our LA start assessing us to be approved. Different birth dad to our son however he is not involved at all and says baby isn't his! Our LA have started by doing our DBS checks and refernces but say they can't proceed with more until the LA who is dealing with case has definate plan of adoption for baby. I am finding it all very frustrating the lack of information, I don't have a clue what assesments they have done or if any birth family on dads side come forward but if he is saying he isn't the dad then could they even consider his family? The parenting assessment if 3 months would end in December and we wouldn't be approved adopters so couldn't have lo placed with us on F2A so the question is could lo go into temporary foster care until we were approved to do f2a or would the LA just wait and go down the usual adoption route? So so frustrating, all we want is to be approved :O(

flapjackfairy Mon 31-Oct-16 17:19:29

I think it is most likely that baby will stay where it is until placement order granted and long term plans made as regards placing lo with you . I could be wrong but think you will have to be approved and matched before you get lo home.can they not fast track approval? I know someone who was assessed and approved in a month in a
similar situation?
I sympathise with your frustration. It is hard when something so important to your family is completely out of your control.
Good luck with it all Hope it works out four you

Hels20 Mon 31-Oct-16 19:46:12

We were second time adopters and if our DBS hadn't taken 9 months to come through, we would have been approved in 3 months - so surely they can move quickly?

But I think flapjack that if parenting assessment has failed, they won't keep LO with birth mother will they?

Hels20 Mon 31-Oct-16 19:47:55

Ps surely LA who have the child should assess you?

flapjackfairy Mon 31-Oct-16 21:05:10

Oh sorry wrong end of stick? Where is assessment being done?
No as you say they will look at fc so all the more reason to fast track approval! I

Noseyposey1 Mon 31-Oct-16 23:07:26

Thanks for replys. LA in question is in same county as our assessing LA, all very confusing! I guess as they have already assessed us twice it makes sense for them to do it again. Like you say if only they would fast track us but they say they have no panel dates available until January :O( Parenting assessment is residential so no foster carer to take on looking after lo. We only adopted 2 yrs ago so not much to update in our par so I can't imagine it would take long but panel dates an issue. All we can do is wait and see how it pans out I guess, just very frustrating!

Italiangreyhound Tue 01-Nov-16 12:53:03

Surely a DND test an determine if he is the father or not. I think it would be best to establish this so you have piece of mind no male is going op out of the woodwork (so to speak) and claim to be birth father later.

Would you be willing to go through assessment even if there is a chance the parenting assessment for birth mum will fail? If so, can you offer that. The best thing for little one is to be with forever family as soon as possible, isn't it.

Italiangreyhound Tue 01-Nov-16 12:53:17

DNA obviously.

Italiangreyhound Tue 01-Nov-16 12:54:00

Sorry, screw brain in..

Would you be willing to go through assessment even if there is a chance the parenting assessment for birth mum will not fail?

Noseyposey1 Tue 01-Nov-16 20:30:41

Yes I should think LA would have to have confirmed who birth dad is.

Like you say the most important thing is that baby is with forever family as soon as poss whether that be birth family or us. We would like to be assessed with the hope of adopting sibling but if not we are keen to extend family anyway so it wouldn't be a wasted assessment so to speak. Did mention this to our LA but not sure if they took it on board!

flapjackfairy Tue 01-Nov-16 21:14:08

Mention it again! They dont do subtle in my experience!good luck nosey!

greengoose Wed 02-Nov-16 09:51:16

I don't post often , but do read! We have recently been granted adoption order after FTA. I know that they can have a 'emergency' panel if it is going to cause delay not to. Especially when it's not your first time, so in some ways more straightforward.
Also our LO was in FC for a few weeks, and there can be a stop gap placement where you have contact, so build the relationship. It doesn't sound like she will be in mother and baby for the full time, very expensive if they know it's failing. Migh be worth nudging someone you know through other adoptions? Do you have a trusted SW from last time?

Noseyposey1 Thu 03-Nov-16 11:47:17

Thanks flapjackfairy

greengoose thanks for your message. Unfortunately our first SW is now retired and SW from our last adoption no longer works there :O( I know that if either of them were available they would be right on the case for us. That's interesting to hear that there can be a stop gap type placement. I was thinking they must be able to squeeze us in for a panel slot as well as a matter of urgency especially as we have been through the adoption process twice with them so should be fairly well known now! I am so not patient and finding it difficult not knowing what is going on :O(

flapjackfairy Thu 03-Nov-16 16:19:39

Oh i think the continual living in limbo with no info coming through is one of the worst aspects of adoption.
Sw just dont get it that you are literally sitting by the phone waiting for that phonecall to confirm progress is being made and when it doesnt come (or worse still does but it is obvious nothing has been done!) you are so deflated.
My friend maintains that sw exist in a different time zone. One day to a sw is actually a week in real time and it really does feel like that at times.
Try to let it go if you can(ha ha). It will no doubt grind along at its own pace behind the scene and hopefully you will get there in the end nosey.

MintyLizzy9 Thu 03-Nov-16 18:34:12

Hi

Sorry no experience of fta but wanted to say that when I was linked with DS they put together an extra panel in order to avoid delay as all the standard dates had been taken already so it can be done!

Best of luck X

Noseyposey1 Sat 05-Nov-16 06:57:06

flapjackfairy we have been through adoption process twice already for our 2 boys and so that living in limbo is all to well known! I guess we are on that rollercoaster ride again!

Thanks mintylizzy9 that's good to hear :O)

flapjackfairy Sat 05-Nov-16 13:24:50

I applaud your resilience in tackling the system for a 3rd time!

Noseyposey1 Fri 11-Nov-16 19:30:03

flapjackfairy, resilience one word, others say we are mad!! No news for over 2 weeks, had to sit on my hands today so I didn't call or email SW! Decided to wait until next week to call, 3 weeks feels more acceptable length of time to be wanting news!

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