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Birth Parent moved in nearby

(13 Posts)
dogsandkids Mon 08-Aug-16 16:35:41

Has anyone had any experience of a birth parent moving in nearby? I found out last week that LO's Birth father who used to be homeless at the other end of the county has moved in with a new lady friend ..... just up the road. A quick Facebook stalk confirms this with photos of them loved in various local landmarks and our local pub. She has several children of her own, including one in my sons class. He has a violent history including long prison sentences. I am left feeling I can't leave my own home for fear of bumping into them and worry that every knock on the door is him. We live in a small town with just one supermarket and many people know we have adopted. I would be grateful for any advice or experience from others X

CrazyCatLaydee123 Mon 08-Aug-16 17:02:57

Are SS aware? It might be time to move!

RosieandJim89 Mon 08-Aug-16 18:40:33

How long has AC been with you and how old are they?
Unless you met him after placement, he probably won have a clue who you are. Most children change a lot in appearance over the years and would be unrecognizable.
Even if this is the case, I would be contacting SS and asking their advice.
Are you renting? If not it makes the situation a little more difficult as you cannot just up and move.

dogsandkids Mon 08-Aug-16 19:37:54

Thanks for the replies. Moral online support much appreciated. We own our house. LO not been with us that long and last saw birth parent about 6 months ago. So he would recognise us.

dogsandkids Mon 08-Aug-16 19:39:54

Social Services met with us today. They have confirmed with the Police that he is living there. They have given us a URN number incase he comes knocking.

user7755 Mon 08-Aug-16 19:41:30

Oh wow, that sounds really hard. Has he moved there on purpose? Sounds like an awful coincidence.

JustHappy3 Mon 08-Aug-16 21:43:05

What's a URN?

tldr Tue 09-Aug-16 00:02:14

This sounds awful, and I agree with PP, not entirely coincidental.

Did SS have anything useful to say?

I think I'd be speaking to lawyer to see if there was anything they could do.

dogsandkids Tue 09-Aug-16 12:29:59

A URN number is a reference number from the Police so they know the background or history if there is a crime or further incidents

dogsandkids Tue 09-Aug-16 12:32:24

It is such a pain. I have two kids and now feel I can't go to the park or my local supermarket. It is going to be a long summer holiday! Goodness knows if LO will be able to start nursery school in Sept as his new girlfriend child attends there. My mind is whirring with all the potential problems and scenarios. sad

user7755 Tue 09-Aug-16 12:40:29

What are the terms of the adoption? Do you have face to face contact? Letterbox? Presumably there were some sort of child protection issues? If his new partner has kids, are SS monitoring them?

Sorry lots of questions but it's an absolute minefield and any advice / experience would vary according to the situation.

I know people who went to school with birth cousins, we were pressured asked to meet bm but were able to decline.

Gobbledeygook Tue 09-Aug-16 23:19:32

Sorry to say this DogsandKids but we had a similar situation with violent ex-con BF living within spitting distance, friends of the BF using same nursery as us and we had to move house - it was way too close to make our daily lives comfortable and way too risky to the safety of our family.
I wish you all the best.

monkeytoad35 Wed 10-Aug-16 07:23:24

It sounds like moving house might be the best option for you. Sorry to hear that you are in this dilemma! cake wineflowers

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