When should I tell my employer we are going to adopt?

[katherine7172]

Hi all, I would love some advice?

My husband and I have decided to go down the route of adoption after years od unsuccessfully ttc. We have had a phone call with a social worker and gone throufht lots, we are waiting to head back from then to arrange a home interview to really get the ball rolling and start the process.
My husband is in the Army so there isn't really an issue for him telling his boss, the adoption agency we're going through is one specifically for Armed Forces.
Just struggling on deciding when to tell my boss and how...?! I started at this job in April and I have a probationary period till October, I just worry how my boss will take it. Is it better to wait till October so I'm safer? Or to tell my boss sooner so they have a longer period to deal with everything?
We're short staffed at the minute and another 1 is going on maternity leave in October, my boss has made jokes about no one else better not get pregnant because they'll be no one left. (Jokes that you can tell that they mean)

All advice welcome and appreciated! xxx

[tldr]

Don't tell them anything until you're very seriously linked with a child. It could still take a long time from now, and how long matching might take is like asking how long is a piece of string.

The statutory requirements have actually really short time frames IIRC. (And joking or not, and meaning it or not, your boss has no place in anyone's family planning discussions!)

[CrazyCatLaydee123]

I was in a similar position, started a job in the September and ball was rolling in the new year. At the time I was on a maternity cover contract. I had to tell boss as we had to have employer references.

Anyway, bosses are 110% supportive and I am now on a permanent contract. Only thing they asked for is as much notice as possible when the time comes.

[RosieandJim89]

I had to tell my boss as they asked for employer references. They actually sent them out to family and friends before we had even told them!

[Kr1stina]

I told my immediate boss when I was approved and it was a mistake . I should have waited until I was linked .

It took much longer than anyone thought and during that time I was passed over for a promotion. In the end I was only off work for 6 weeks, as that's all the leave I could negotiate ( this was before statutory adoption leave ) .

Next time I only told them when I was linked and they complained about lack of notice . Then the introductions were delayed for legal reasons and they complained about that as well . Claimed I was " messing them about " ( yeah because obviously I was in complete control of it all ) .

So I wish I'd delayed telling them until I had a confirmed date for a introductions.

Arses

[weefreeladies]

My employer knew before many family members, as had to get references right at the start. Paid off, though, as they paid me for when I did prep course!

[bostonkremekrazy]

my boss was sent a reference without us knowing - an admin error. it wasn't received happily i'm afraid.
leave it as long as you can would be my advice.

[katherine7172]

I've spoken to the social worker and I have to get references in stage 1 from employers, so should I wait until I have to get the reference or give my boss a bit of notice? Probably looking at around a month before we have to get references off employers.
I'm just worried that I'll get laid off (with me being in my probationary period till October) and the reason being put on something else so that they don't get into trouble.
I don't know if I'm over thinking/over worrying about this

Thanks to everyone for their advice and stories, really appreciate it!

Xxxx

[CrazyCatLaydee123]

Can you hold off until October? Or can they process the rest of stage 1 and leave your employer reference till then?
I know waiting a few months isn't ideal, but probably better than having no job and therefore not getting approved because you don't have the finances. And October isn't that far away in the grand scheme of things!

[Kr1stina]

You are not overthinking . I'd wait until October as well .

[Hels20]

Can't you have a quiet word with HR - or does your company not have a HR dept?

[katherine7172]

I'm not sure, I might ask the social worker if we could leave my employer reference till then. Not sure if that'll look great to the social worker though :/
We do have a HR department but they are at head office (quite a big national company - I work in one of the stores), so it wouldn't be easy to arrange discretely.

Xx

[Hels20]

Hi Katherine

I worked in quite a big company and just phoned up HR and asked if they could give it discretely and asked for who I should get the letter sent to - it was over 15 months later that I was matched and I was pleased my boss didn't know then. It's a very bland, vanilla reference - ie what is your title, confirmation of start date - so they don't need input from anyone that knows you. I would consider it if I were you