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Thoughts on leaving primary

(13 Posts)
UnderTheNameOfSanders Fri 15-Jul-16 20:59:51

AD2 is leaving primary next week. I'm feeling quite sad. Not so much for her, but for me. confused

Ever since I have been a parent, I have been a parent at that primary as AD1 was in y3 when they were placed. Since AD2 started there full time 7 years ago I have been involved with the PTA, listened to readers, gone on trips etc. I have really enjoyed being involved with the school and getting know all the children.

On the other hand, I don't think AD2 has made any lasting friends. She gets on OK with them, but is less mature than most. They don't ignore her purposely, but she generally is forgotten or overlooked. So with leavers things being organised, she gets left out of the loop which in my eyes makes her more isolated.

So with 3 more days to go, I don't really know what to think about it all.

RatherBeIndoors Fri 15-Jul-16 23:09:00

It sounds like maybe you are reflecting on two kinds of loss - the loss/end of your relationship with that school, which has been a big part of your life for years; and the loss of the friendships you hoped for, for your DD? It us so bloody hard to see a gap open up between the peer group and your own child, but on top of that, I think it's really hurtful to see others exclude your child, whether it's through carelessness or not. You're obviously aware of things being organised - could people be assuming you know so she knows and could join them, if you see what I mean?

I hope your DD finds her "tribe" wherever she is moving on to, and that she settles really well there.

Italiangreyhound Sat 16-Jul-16 23:27:57

Sanders I really wish the best for your dd2 as she goes up. My dd goes up this September too

I hope through the summer to work on dd's social skills, her abilities to make friends etc. I am going to start by building confidence, noticing good things and praising. My dd is quite young for her age but not adopted. I know some adopted children struggle with praise.

My dd has started to take an interest in three things which may help to make her feel more grown up - computer games (bloody mine craft!!!!!!), make up and music. I thought I'd hate the make up stage but actually it is OK.

I plan to get involved in the high school fundraising committee just so I know what is going on.

PM me if you want to share confidence boosting tips!

All the best. smile

UnderTheNameOfSanders Mon 18-Jul-16 19:22:35

Thanks both.
Rather I think you are right in that I am mourning the lack of friends for DD.
Italian the friends thing is tricky. I think she is fine making friends in as much as she understands social rules, she'll respond appropriately etc. If I take her to soft play she happily finds others to interact well with. However her interests are just not at the y6/y7 level yet. Hopefully she'll find some kindred spirits somewhere at school.
They are camping at school tonight. Hope that goes OK.

Italiangreyhound Mon 18-Jul-16 21:16:37

It's all normal to feel like this, lots of my friends have kids dd's age who are the older of 2 (or 3 or 4 or whatever) and they are feeling it. I've got ds in a lower year so not so sad yet but still a bit sad!

Plus, yes, friends is an issue and for us too, although dd is not adopted. She does struggle with friends a bit. Hoping for the best for next academic year! For both of us.

Italiangreyhound Mon 18-Jul-16 21:17:34

AND both of them (that's how invested I feel at times, like it is all happening to me, as I was very shy at school!).

newworldnow Sat 06-Aug-16 10:35:05

You can still be involved with the school, you could even get a job there. But a lot of parent helpers stop when their own child has left[sceptical]
Stop worrying for her and let her have the freedom of secondary.

Kewcumber Sat 06-Aug-16 20:53:58

Thats unnecessarily harsh networldnow Sanders is allowed to mull over in a safe place how she feels. She hasn't said she won;t allow her freedom at secondary.

Our primary really isn't interested in non-parents volunteering - the advantage to parent volunteers is that you know the kids. DS strugggles at school and having me there on some of his school trips has been a big advantage for the teacher and the fact that with my experience of dealing with him I'm a pretty safe pair of hand with other kids with SEN in the class. Can't imagine the teacher would leave DS to a random person who doesn't know him.

Don't you worry about your kids? With all the extra pressures our kids have I'm amazed someone doesn't worry about their's! I thought it came with the territory.

UnderTheNameOfSanders Sun 07-Aug-16 10:56:00

Thank you Kew. I didn't know how to reply to the previous poster as my post wasn't about freedom of secondary, more about relationships at/with the primary.

Weirdly the school gave me flowers and a card on the last day of term.blush. (Shame we went on holiday the day after really.)

DD has got 'summer school' over the next couple of weeks which will hopefully help with her transition.
I'm still not sure about the next few months, I'll be at the primary a little bit until the AGM when I'll be off the committee, and then we'll have to see.

Kewcumber Sun 07-Aug-16 12:39:31

DS moves next year Sanders - I will be glad of the chance for him to start again and I'm probably going to deliberately choose the school where most of his class won;t be going.

I'm am concerned about his transition - like many of our kids he doesn;t transition well. Not only that he has a 1-1 TA which is unlikely to be the chase at secondary and I do worry about how he will cope in a massivley bigger school.

He also struggles socially with the children in his class and has only 2 friedns which to be honest are not always the best of friends to him. WhIch is ironic because he is a fiercely loyal friend.

Eva50 Sun 07-Aug-16 18:25:16

Ds1 is not adopted but has ADHD with autistic traits. I was almost beside myself with worry re his transition to secondary and whilst it wasn't completely issue free it was fine. At primary he was a square peg in a round hole, liked by everyone but had no real friends. At secondary he discovered more "square pegs" and has had lots of friends. He is now almost 21 and at university (in our home town as he is not ready for independent living yet) and has a girlfriend and many friends.

Your upset at her leaving primary and the loss of that "constant" in your life is completely understandable. Ds3 has 2 more years at our primary by which time I will have had a child at the school for 18 years and I am know I will miss it so much (although I've had my issues with them too over the years)

Kewcumber Sun 07-Aug-16 20:07:26

I was going ot say Sanders that I'm hoping with DS that with a much bigger pool to choose form he will make better friends at secondary.

UnderTheNameOfSanders Sun 07-Aug-16 21:09:27

That's what I'm hoping too Kew there will be ~125 other girls in her year (and the same number of boys, but they don't count really), so there should be some she gels with - if she can find them.

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