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Anyone been rejected after stage one ?

(25 Posts)
Mule22 Fri 27-May-16 21:09:04

Hi
We are into the 5th week of stage one and it feels a little lonely I feel like I'm ringing the LA too much to ask questions and there going to think I'm crazy
We were told from the beginning that they were short staffed so could we go to them rather than them to us and that we wouldn't be allocated a social worker in stage one because of this shortage but I'm finding it hard speaking to a different duty social worker every time I have a question
I have asked several times if the home health check will be done in the 8 week window and if all checks are back in the 8 week widow how long before we can move to stage 2. But it's never answered just skirted around
And now I'm worried they will be thinking am too desperate or il be a nightmare and no social worker there will want to deal with me 😬 I hope not but just worried anxious maybe?

Thanks

Kitkatandcake Fri 27-May-16 22:10:03

Have to say if they're too short staffed to conduct a decent home study what will they be like when you need support post adoption. Would you be willing to look at other LAs? That would really worry me that they're not able to do the basics.

Mule22 Fri 27-May-16 22:14:26

Hi thanks for replying
We went to a few LA open evenings and had an informal meeting with a VA but this one I really connected with the SW doing the talk and felt it was a good fit
They will be coming out to do the check they just can't tell me when it will be
All our checks are back we were lucky and our DBS only took 8 days and everything else we have been asked to do is in and signed off its just this home check we are waiting for
Do you have to start from day one again if you go to another LA ? hmm

Mule22 Fri 27-May-16 22:16:01

starWe will be allocated a SW in stage 2 that will be there through out that part

tinks269 Sat 28-May-16 14:47:33

We didn't have a set sw during stage 1. We filled out what we needed to, were prodded and checked by our doctor and then waited. There were issues around one of our references living abroad so we gave them someone else to speak to. One ex partner was tricky to track down. Each small thing led to a delay of a couple of days but we just sat and waited. If I called I was told what they were waiting for but couldn't be given dates as we couldn't enter stage 2 till they had everything. The very last thing to happen was the home check. As it happened the sw who did that became our sw, but that isn't always the case.
Once they were happy we entered stage 2 and were sitting in front of panel 10 weeks later. I'm sure it will be fine. If they have all your paperwork they just need time to check everything and have a meeting to agree you should proceed.

Mule22 Sat 28-May-16 15:15:19

Thankyou
I find it hard not being in control of our own life if that makes sense smile thanks for the reassurance we are applying for a sibling group of 3 up to the age of 5 do have been told we are one of the wanted adopters out there as we are wanting a sibling group I guess I because Iv felt like a mum for a long time and I feel out children are out there now waiting for us too I'm just willing the time to go faster am sure when we get there it will have seemed to fly
X

tinks269 Sat 28-May-16 15:51:25

My advice would be to get used to waiting. Even as you pass each stage there is always another. Yes people looking for sibling groups are good but this doesn't necessarily mean you will be matched more quickly than others. There is a lot of waiting for an email, a call or someone to get in contact with someone somewhere. Good luck

Mule22 Sat 28-May-16 17:21:35

Thankyou I shall try my best
We have been told over and over that a wait for children is inevitable due to the amount of adopters out there I'm prepared for that part it was just this first part that I made the mistake of thinking it was a structured 8 weeks then 12-16 weeks I now know different
We are lucky in a sense because we have no ex partners or other children involved as we have been together since I was 16 so most of our paperwork was straightforward and we have lived in the same house same area for 15 years too
I'm very excited X

Acorn44 Sat 28-May-16 17:44:57

I would try not to worry about precise time scales and accept that, to a large extent, you cant control what's happening in relation to your adoption journey. We quickly learnt to go with the flow, celebrate when things move quickly, but equally, accept that there will be times when it's a step forward and two back (for example, our SW suffered a bereavement and we didn't see him for weeks; nearly missed panel as a result).

I suspect you'll feel happier in Stage Two when you have a lot of home study to do. I felt much happier when we could see things moving forward and had home study and additional reading to do.

Must warn you in advance though that the worst time of all is post approval (the opposite of what I had anticipated). Even in the case of people with lots of experience wanting to adopt difficult to place children, the system still moves very, very slowly and there are frequent set backs. It can be quite emotional, especially if you are a 'want it now' sort of person (like I am!).

Best advice I can give you is read as much as you can, join forums like this, see if you can meet up with local adopters if there is a nearby group and gain as much varied child care experience as possible.

- Good luck.

Mule22 Sat 28-May-16 18:28:34

Thankyou acorn X

bloodynamechanges Sun 29-May-16 22:26:50

Hi

Try not to worry, the waiting and lack of control over the process is pretty much standard and is a short sharp shock at the beginning. By the time you have your LO's with you you will be reading between the lines and take everything the SW tells you about timescales with a pinch of salt! I even stopped cleaning especially for their visits by the time I had my LO grin

I didn't have a SW for stage one either due to lack of staff. The clock starts ticking for them in stage 2 so things generally move along at a steady pace even if it doesn't feel like it at the time! Best of luck X

CrazyCatLaydee123 Sun 29-May-16 22:56:25

Our stage 1 was ages, I thought we'd been forgotten about, and then all of a sudden in late March - phone call, "Hi, I'm your social worker, we need to get moving on the home study as your panel date is in July... And the paperwork has to be in 3 weeks before."

We're just tying up the loose ends now.

Mule22 Mon 30-May-16 00:18:18

Thankyou all so very much for your comments it defo helps just to get other people's journey told to me
Thankyou smile

UnderTheNameOfSanders Mon 30-May-16 20:00:10

We adopted before all the Stage 1 and Stage 2 stuff.

But, as a prospective adopter in the early stages you are at the bottom of the priority list. (Sorry).

It should go something like this:
- Adopters placed with children who are in crisis / need
- Adopters placed with children needing reviews
- Adopters going through introductions
- Adopters going to matching panel
- Holding linking meetings
- Adopters going to approvals panel
- Home-studies (especially now time limited)
- People in early stages like you.

The good news is that if your LA does prioritise properly, when you really need them, when you have a child recently placed, they should be there for you.

UnderTheNameOfSanders Mon 30-May-16 20:05:08

ps. For perspective this was our timings:
- Info meeting - Prep course - 6 months
- Prep course - start home study - 2 months
- Home study - approvals panel - 6 months
- Waiting for link - 15 months
- Getting to panel - 2 months
- Panel - moving in - 6 weeks
- Moving in - Court - 15 months

You need a lot of patience in adoption smile

Mule22 Mon 30-May-16 20:20:00

Hi Thankyou for the advise
I would never expect to be at the top of their priorities but when we started out they said any problems or questions feel free to ask don't hesitate etc that's why I said it feels a little lonely I thought they would at least reply to an email sent 7 days earlier
Im OK with it being a lengthy process I just don't think it should be explained the way it is they said stage one is 8 weeks stage 2 12-16 weeks depending on checks we were lucky and all ours are back and have been since week 3 (we are in week 6) and having read other people's journey it's become clear it is not 8 weeks
I'm now aware of this and can alter my expectations of time X

Thankyou again I do appreciate the comments everyone X

CrazyCatLaydee123 Mon 30-May-16 20:59:14

Stage 1 will probably still be 8 weeks, regardless of how quickly your checks have been. I'd put money on it, there'll be a sudden flurry of activity around the 8 week mark!

Mule22 Mon 30-May-16 21:48:08

I hope so crazycat smile
Thankyou

undersoap Fri 03-Jun-16 10:05:01

Hi Mule, you're getting alot of good advice here so I won't take up too much of your time. Only to say that do you think the lack of replies might be down to asking Qs the SWs are really unable to answer atm (eg. Timescales etc). Not that it justifies a lack of reply, but I just remember in the early stages being so full of questions about things that no-one could really answer simply because we weren't at that stage yet (it was my huge enthusiasm showing itself!). I found it helpful to separate what I needed to know and what they could answer from what I wanted to know and was just excited to talk about, IYKWIM. That was my experience anyway.

On a slightly different note I'd echo what someone said upthread about the priority list, that seems pretty much spot on. I remember when we were going through home study our LA said to us that they needed us to take time out of work for it, as they kept their evenings for visiting adopters who had children in placement. Now we're linked we've got our SWs coming to a meeting on a Saturday - so once it happens it really happens!

Mule22 Fri 03-Jun-16 12:12:35

Hi undersoap
Your right they maybe unable to give me the answers to those questions especially regarding time scales I just think things are not explained in the right way at the start we were lead to believe that 8 weeks was the maximum time aloud for stage one unless of cause problems arise which in our case has not happened
I think all I was expecting was a reply even if it had just said unfortunately at this time we are unable to give you this information
I didn't expect them to reply straight away even just maybe within the same week hmm
We both work shifts so are able to do day visits For the home study
Thankyou for your advise too I do really appreciate everyone's comments smile

Mule22 Wed 13-Jul-16 08:18:20

Hi just thought I would update
Our first stage will be finalised on the 19th so 12 weeks 4 days and we start stage 2 smileso happy to have got there thanks for the advise smile

Stang1991 Wed 13-Jul-16 13:25:01

Hi, I'm new to the forum, so hello and hope you don't mind the below question.

My husband and I are in the really early stages of looking into adoption, we have been to the initial adoption meeting, and now have our 1st meeting booked with a social worker, the concern I have is how deep do they delve into your ex partners? I have no contact with my ex, we were together 11 half years, not married, never had children, and I have no address for him.

I have nothing to hide, but wonder what this has to do with me and my husband adopting.

Mule22 Wed 13-Jul-16 13:48:41

Sorry I'm a little useless on that as I have been with my husband since I was 16 and vice Versa the initial forms do ask about previous relationships but I'm sure they don't expect you to still have an address for him as as you say you have no ties so why would you am sure it will be fine don't think you can't ring and ask I must have rang and asked a hundred random questions but it's better to ask than worry about them X smile good luck on your journey

Stang1991 Wed 13-Jul-16 15:16:18

Thank you Mule22, there is so much going on in my head atm.

UnderTheNameOfSanders Wed 13-Jul-16 16:00:12

Stang They may well wish to talk with your ex. There have been cases where exes were not contacted and then an adopter turned out to be violent, which an ex would have raised if contacted.

It may well help you if you can do some quiet online digging to see if you can track him down in case they do need to talk with him (otherwise it could slow up your application).

If you parted on poor terms, don't worry, the SWs are used to coping with that.

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