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How did you know whether to proceed?

(12 Posts)
undersoap Tue 19-Apr-16 11:49:06

Hi all, looking for some insight and experiences!

Could anyone tell me what helped them decide whether to enquire/find out more info about certain children? DP and I have received our first enquiry on link maker and are pretty sure we want to get more information, but don't feel much IYKWIM? I'm not worried about that, it's a strange situation to be in as we thought we'd be waiting ages but have received an enquiry quite quickly. Unfortunately SW is on AL at the moment so can't talk it through with him yet, although hopefully will be talking to his manager soon.

I'd love to hear about what it was about certain profiles that made people proceed or not - did it matter whether you 'felt' anything or had something in common, or more based on there being no glaring reason not to?

Thanks!

Kewcumber Tue 19-Apr-16 13:14:52

I used my head not my heart - I couldn't think of a clear reason why not to go ahead. I felt almost nothing.

(Cold feet a million times though!)

Poppystellarcat Tue 19-Apr-16 19:20:49

I was in a slightly different situation as I got given a number of profiles to look at at the same time. For me, it was head first (obviously my heart wanted to adopt them all but clearly I couldn't!) as in I made a list of practical for and against reasons for each, this sounds horribly cold and clinical when I write it down but it was very helpful to do. Then I was left with a 'shortlist' of 2. I didn't 'feel' any great connection at this stage but as I talked them through anonymously with my mum and friends (single adopter) I found my head and my heart were leaning to one child in particular. I then talked it through with my SW who said she had had in her mind that this child was the best match for me and vice versa. I didn't see a photo of my Dd until I was meeting family finder and Dd's SW. I don't know if this helped or not, once I did see her photo I was smitten, so quite glad I got to make the decision without being swayed by her gorgeous photo if you see what I mean.

Goingthroughnamechanges Tue 19-Apr-16 21:50:43

Ha, emotional blackmail from a social worker here!
In all seriousness though, if the info you're reading doesn't ring any major alarm bells that's good, I don't think we ever felt anything but again, we wouldn't have proceeded with the match without the emotional comments from the social worker.

Poppystellarcat Tue 19-Apr-16 22:23:34

Ha goingthroughnamechanges "SW emotional blackmail" Love it. wink In all honesty though even if my SW was doing a bit of emotional blackmail it was definitely the best match for both of us. Nearly four years in and although it's hard and exhausting some of the time it's also bloody brilliant most of the time

tldr Tue 19-Apr-16 23:09:38

There was no reason to say no. Didn't feel a thing beyond determined/exhausted/terrified for a long time after they were home.

(Smitten now, obviously!)

Jonesey1972 Wed 20-Apr-16 10:23:32

I felt very similar to Kewcucumber... And am really happy to say that, after just two weeks of introductions and two days of him living with us, I love our little boy to bits. I was incredibly anxious about making the 'right' decision... I won't be next time. The combination of the skill of the social workers in matching, the magic of introductions where you gradually but quickly become attached and the natural charm of children meant it just worked, in spite of my anxiety. Good luck!

Mrscollydog Wed 20-Apr-16 10:34:05

Totally the same as the others. More no reason not to proceed. Initial picture awful, its like SW choose the worst picture of the child in horrid pink knitted attire and from the worst angle. Totally anxious about everything even to the point of bringing her home. 8 weeks in and I could pop with how much I love my little dot.
We found it helped to chat about what our own CPRs would say, decided no one would went adopt DH (broken home, epilepsy, thyroid issues drug habit as a teenager........).

Mrscollydog Wed 20-Apr-16 10:35:13

Want to adopt DH (bloody autocorrect)

Mightywease Wed 20-Apr-16 10:53:01

Much the same as everyone else. We'd had a few profiles through but they didn't work out for various reasons so when we got details of our LO is was a bit "Okay let's see how far this one gets".

There was no reason not to go ahead really. His pictures were very sweet, the FC description of him rang no alarm bells, his SW was and is brilliant and when we met him he was lovely.

Now 6 months after moving in he is our cheeky, funny, loving, infuriating, annoying, stubborn, wonderful little boy

undersoap Wed 20-Apr-16 13:31:21

Thanks everyone. We've had quite a few enquiries from SWs in a really short space of time - only got approved a few weeks ago and have suddenly been plunged into it after thinking it would be ages before we heard a peep. Am feeling a bit overwhelmed and weepy at the weight of the decision and surprised at the level of emotion I feel just looking at initial pen pictures - I've been so pragmatic about the whole thing so far that it's totally floored me. Am really hoping chat with SW later will help clear my head a bit.
Thanks all!

tldr Wed 20-Apr-16 14:34:03

The only profiles we ever saw were of our children. I can't imagine having to choose. I'll bet it's overwhelming. flowers

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