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Disappointed with constantly moving the goalposts.

(8 Posts)
MrsH1989 Tue 12-Apr-16 16:33:30

This is just a moan really to people who understand what we are up against....
When we started the process in October we were told we would be at Panel by April, by xmas they were saying May, in the new year they said June and have maintained that since, up until today when they said July. We are pretty much finished with the assessment. They just need to meet our references which is what is causing the delay. I keep saying to myself I should stop accepting their dates as fact and more of a guideline but cannot help myself and am now really disappointed that we have been moved back again. They also said today that matching may not be as quick as they have been telling us for the past 6 months. They have always said that they usually have a match in mind before you even get approved and are usually back at matching panel no more than two months later, (with them presenting the match within a week or two of approval). Today they said most of the little ones have been adopted and are going through the system quickly (we have to adopt a child under 2 as we have a birth child) which is great news for the children obviously but means matching may take slightly longer. They did say no one at their LA waits longer than 6 months but it is really hard to prepare our son for a child that is coming "soon" but now not as soon.
I know that some people can wait up to a year after matching and I think if they had said that from the beginning then it would be easier as we wouldn't keep thinking "we could have a child by X". But the fact that they made out like it was going to be really quick for us and it is gradually getting longer is frustrating.

MypocketsarelikeNarnia Tue 12-Apr-16 19:02:48

Social services = frustrating. I feel your pain.

Have cake flowers brew chocolate biscuit chocolate and a halo

MrsH1989 Tue 12-Apr-16 19:39:50

Thanks, I am already on it!

Kr1stina Tue 12-Apr-16 20:22:22

I'm sorry, I'm afraid that most people have similar exeriences with them.

The only way to cope is to smile and nod when they give you a date / timescale and mentally double it .

Have you checked that there actually IS a panel held in July and that your SW has booked a slot for you? Do you know when the final report has to submitted to meet that panel date ?

Have you read your draft form and made any comments ? do you have a date in the diary for a visit from your Social workers senior ?

Because lost of key people are likely to be on holiday in July . Just sayin...

Hels20 Tue 12-Apr-16 22:19:28

Six months is still a short time - though I appreciate it is so hard when you are waiting. We are meant to be going to panel for a second time to adopt in the next few weeks but I am still preparing for at least 6 to 12 months before we are matched - and maybe it won't happen. As Kristina said - just smile and nod and double the expected matching time.

I know it's hard but I fear it is the new reality. But even before re B and re B-S, we had to wait for 9 months between being approved and going back to matching panel.

Good luck - and it might happen quicker

Italiangreyhound Tue 12-Apr-16 22:50:19

MrsH1989 I'd suggest you are very vague with your son about time-scales. It would be the same if you were having fertility treatment or even if you were trying to conceive naturally, you just would not know when it would happen.

Good luck.

MintyLizzy9 Tue 12-Apr-16 23:22:01

SW talk a lot of shite unrealistic timescales. This is a fact regardless of what stage you are at pre/post approval, pre/post matching, pre/post placement, the shite unrealistic timescales flow like a river. Truth is I don't think they actually know half the time and are making an educated guess then some policy changes and it's all in the air again. When did you start stage 2? I was approved in March 15 and stage 2 took 5 months. I waited almost 9 months for a formal link and finally became a family in Dec 15. I think this was fast (through it felt far from it at the time!). My SW had set the expectation that I would be linked within 6 months but having read lots of posts I realised that this wasn't the case for a lot of people and I think that's what made the wait feel even longer.

My LA went through a period (when I was where you are in the process) of having too many adopters and not enough children with PO's, the months/years prior to this they didn't have enough adopters. It's all swings and roundabouts and they are once again back to not having a massive pool of adopters.

I was approved for 1 child under 3 and it really is the most competitive age range. I was put forward and whittled down to the final 2 a number of times, if I had been picked for the first or second child I would have only been waiting 3 or 4 months so it is possible. I think it's unfair for the SW to give timescales when they don't have a child already in mind as yes your profile may be considered very early on but due to the number of adopters they are using the slightest thing to make the final selection (one of mine was that the other adopter was more of a devout Christian than me because I didn't go to church every week and birth mother had requested a devout Christian adopter, other than this we were equally scored).

On the flip side a friend took almost two years to be approved but was then linked and had her children home with her within 3 months of panel, it's a lottery!

The summer panels are few and far between in my LA due to holidays so I would ask what date they have you pencilled in for as they fill up quickly. The wait is never easy but is oh so worth it X

And I agree with the smile and nod....you will become the master of the smile and nod grin

MrsH1989 Wed 13-Apr-16 07:23:54

There are 2 panels in July, they have given us a set date for that panel this time but hubby is saying it won't happen, I wish I could think like him...
I don't know why they aren't more vague like saying "we want to get you approved by summer". We never asked them for a date, they kept telling us it will be x dates.
Kristina, I know paperwork has to be submitted two weeks before (so end of June) and we won't get a copy until the beginning of June.

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