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Adoption highs and lows

(6 Posts)
booksrock Fri 08-Apr-16 16:59:51

I have adopted children and I was thinking about the highs and lows of doing it this way and wanted to share:

Lows
I will never have parented a baby, mine were older toddlers so we never did the baby stage

My children don't look like me (that maybe a good thing)

I'm always second guessing what is them personality wise, what is normal behaviour and what needs special parenting.

Highs
Every time I get called mummy it makes me smile

I have the children/ combination that I always wanted

When they act like me or speak like me, it reminds me that I am important to them and they are mine

I am so proud of what they have achieved, knowing their back ground, and how far they have come compared to what the professionals said they could do.

I fell in love with my children and sometimes I forget they didn't come out of me!

monkeytoad35 Fri 08-Apr-16 19:35:40

How lovely. The highs make it all worth it! smile

MintyLizzy9 Fri 08-Apr-16 20:33:13

lovely smile

My lows

social services, enough said

Learning more about DS early years as time goes by, the stronger my love gets for him the harder it is to hear/read the bad stuff.

Like you always wondering if this 'him' or his adoption (and reasons for) re behaviours/personality/fears

Some weeks the absolute exhaustion of being a new adoptive single mum to a two year old!

My highs

My son, he's bloody amazing!

Walking into his room every morning to see his happy little face looking out of his cot with a BIG grin and a cheeky hiya followed by a sloppy kiss

Seeing him becoming a confident and happy little boy, the impact of being loved and cared for in a stable environment is unbelievable.

Seeing how in love my parents are with him (only grandchild) and how his little face lights up when he sees them or hears them on the phone...the first (and so far the only) people he calls by name, it's all about grandma and granda but still can't say mummy!

Every time I have a tough week I'm going to do this, list all the highs, wonderful post booksrock

Cabawill Fri 08-Apr-16 21:44:25

The highs:

I've never been a big fan of babies so my two coming to me at 5 & 3 was great. They act a lot younger most of the time and I still get tons of chances to "baby" them.

They have always been "lively"! They have massive personalities that they weren't always able to show or control how they expressed themselves. They are now mostly able to show how they are so bright, witty and interested in everything.

I'm so, so proud of the progress they have made in every single area. Watching them when they are in their own little happy world colouring or doing Lego or pushing each other on the swing sometimes brings tears to my eyes.

The Lows:

I have to be on the look out for potential triggers/flash points constantly and it's exhausting. We can't just do anything spontaneous or get up a bit later or "treat" them to a later bedtime.

Holidays are pretty much a nightmare. They much prefer to be at home than even go out for the day never mind go away for the week. This is nice really but exhausting for me in the longer holidays as DH doesn't have much time off in the 6 weeks holidays.

The people please. It's a lovely trait to think of others and what they would like but I really really want them to appreciate that they and what they want is so important too. Most people would know their child's favourite food/film/activity. My DC's favourite things are either whatever they think you want to hear or they remember my answer and use that. Great if they actually liked marmite on toast like me but the facial expressions whilst eating tell a different story!

Themoleandcrew Sat 09-Apr-16 00:42:03

My biggest low would have to be always feeling a bit like I'm lying to people. I don't want to broadcast the fact that my children are adopted (not because I'm ashamed but that's their information to tell if they want to) but it's very hard to be watching what you say most of the time. Also the lack of a 'mum' group of friends. Most of my friends have a group from their nct classes or similar who all have children the same age, but we don't get that. I'm lucky to have made a nice few friends now oldest is in school but sometimes I feel very isolated.

Biggest high? Definitely that moment when I walk in the door from work and three gorgeous children come charging round the corner and throw themselves at me, genuinely so excited that I'm home. Nothing beats it. Also. The cuddles and laughter. Hands down the best bit of parenting.

booksrock Sat 09-Apr-16 11:45:37

thanks all for sharing

I understand about the lying, people always ask me about the birth and early years and although I have some facts I wasn't there. It makes me feel such a fraud.

The fighting to get my attention, the way my DH is with them and how all the extended family love them is a big high.

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