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Waiting..

(30 Posts)
Mollybird1 Sun 03-Apr-16 21:30:01

Hi.
Been approved now since November, I know it's not that long, but feels so much longer!😞. Can I ask, how long did some of you wait? How did you cope? I'm so fed up with living in limbo. We have a 7year old bc, would love to book up our summer holiday, but just know we can't yet. Guess we will if we haven't heard of anything progressing by the summer. She is really good, and doesn't keep asking about a new brother or sister. I just wish I had a crystal ball! Fingers crossed we may be matched with a little one soon. Just seems quite a wait at the moment..

Mrscollydog Sun 03-Apr-16 22:06:58

Hi ya, so tough to wait. We have a 7 yr old BC too. We were approved in Nov and AD moved in end of Feb. We were lucky as our baby seemed to be ready waiting for us. Friends of ours have just hit 14 months since approval and hardly any profiles or leads. Their BC are 9 and 6. Hang in there, I tried to hold onto the fact that the right child was out there for us and I can't believe what a cracking match we have. She had to go through a disruption to find us though. Good luck.

Mollybird1 Sun 03-Apr-16 22:14:28

Thank you for your reply and advice. I've followed a couple of your threads. I didn't realise you were approved same time as us. So glad it's all working out for you and your new daughter now, hope your bc has adapted well too. I'll hopefully be back soon asking you for advice on intros, when it does finally happen.

Mrscollydog Sun 03-Apr-16 22:37:50

Its worked out great this far. The first bit however was the hardest thing ever. Still lots of challenges but relishing having her in our family. Our son and her are brilliant, he can make her laugh like no one else. Took some adjustment from him but he is doing wonderfully.
I had so much worry about changing everything and ruining our fab life. All.of those concerns disappear once its about your child.
Will keep everything crossed.

Hels20 Mon 04-Apr-16 05:52:27

I would book your holiday. I know sometimes SS move quickly but we heard about our DS in mid July and we only met him end of November for intros. We did book holidays 10 weeks in advance - and just told our SW closer to the time.

The waiting is awful...

Mollybird1 Mon 04-Apr-16 09:48:29

Yes I think we will go ahead and book something up a couple of months before we plan to go.
I've heard a lot of people waiting at the moment, hopefully things might change in the not too distant future. Just trying to keep busy helps too, lots of spring cleaning!!
Mrscollydog, my thoughts are so the same as yours! We have this perfect little girl, she's more than happy with no siblings, has loads of friends and is very settled and happy at school, and we're going to turn her world upside down!! Sometimes I wonder if we are doing the right thing, it's so good to hear your story!! Thank you.

arielmanto Mon 04-Apr-16 09:52:58

Same here, approved since November and nothing yet. It's hard as you start questioning yourself - what is it about us? Is it our house? Is it the dog? Is it because we're two women? And I guess in the current competitive climate it could really be any of those things. Which hopefully doesn't mean it will be like this forever! One day we will get a phone call.. That's what I hang on to. We just had a holiday, booked it 3 weeks in advance so we were pretty certain nothing was going to happen whilst we were away - and obviously ran it past SW too. I feel your pain mollybird, hugs x

MintyLizzy9 Mon 04-Apr-16 15:48:04

Hi I was approved March 2015, heard about DS in early October the same year and he came home in December 2015. The waiting is just awful, no way to jazz it up I'm afraid and I will tell you what all the other lovely posters told me...it will happen. I would book your hol, SS do not move that fast! My DS was supposed to come home late Jan 2017 (4 months after I got the first call) but due to issues with foster care they rushed it through but it was still about 10 weeks from getting the ball rolling though. I found that planning things for the next three months helped, it didn't feel that life was on hold waiting for THE call but was a short enough time span that if the call did come then LO wouldn't be placed with me that quickly. The only advice I can offer (that I also got but found almost impossible to follow grin ) was to carry on with life. I got lots of jobs done around the house, had a holiday and generally got organised bulk buying for when I would be on adoption leave

I had a few disappointments along the way, getting down to the final two adopters only for the other adopter to be picked but what makes sense now is that DS was just coming into care when I was approved, we were destined to be for each other as I can't imagine that I would be any better a match for any other child.

Best of luck X

Mollybird1 Wed 06-Apr-16 20:50:16

Thanks so much for your reply ladies. Love your happy ending MintyLizzy9.😀.
arielmanto hope you don't have a too longer wait either. Good luck.

ChoccyJules Wed 06-Apr-16 22:23:52

Approved for Adoption and FtA April 2014. Still waiting. Have jumped through every hoop.

Mollybird1 Wed 06-Apr-16 22:49:24

I can't believe you have been waiting that long ChoccyJules! I know someone, actually a couple of people that got approved just last year and waited just a couple of months. Seems so unfair. I'm not sure how long I can wait for, I guess only time will tell. I really hope your get your family soon.

CaramelKoala Thu 07-Apr-16 09:25:38

We were approved last June, and still waiting. Our SW told us that things are improving, but it may take a year or more to have an impact, for us anyway. We get a lot of rejection emails via LinkMaker, but on Wednesday we had a surprise call from our SW saying that we'd been potentially matched with a newborn and to be on red alert. Sadly, the next day we got the call to say the baby had gone to someone else. No feedback. It's really heartbreaking, especially when it happens so quickly and intensely like that. We had already decided to stop this June and get on with life, after giving it a year. It doesn't sound long but at 43, I'm already older than I would like to have been as a parent; but moreso, we just can't cope with the regular email rejections and crazy emotional moments like this week anymore. If you can wait a bit longer Mollybird1 I would - I do think that things will improve over the next year and wish you so much luck. In some way it's gois to be matched even when it falls through, as it means times are changing.

Clockworklemon Thu 07-Apr-16 12:34:16

Do book a holiday. We saw our LO's CPR in Oct and she didn't come home to us until March.
Hang in there, but in the meantime enjoy your time with your daughter, life will change so much when your LO finally comes home to you.

PicaK Thu 07-Apr-16 16:13:29

Book the holiday - we didn't last year (approved in April) and i regret that now. Looking forward to a holiday is as big a part of it as the actual holiday for me. So this year we are all booked. I figured the joy of being matched would far outweigh losing a holiday deposit.

Mollybird1 Thu 07-Apr-16 20:54:43

Sorry to hear about your rejection CaramelKoala. It's heartbreaking. We too are on link maker. Haven't been on It for long. We've enquired about a couple of children but was declined, it is horrible getting rejected.
Yes clockworklemon, your right, so many of my friends say that too, I know I'm lucky that I've got her and we do have such a close relationship, I will cherish my time while it's just us.
That's a really good point PicaK. So have you been matched yet?

Mollybird1 Thu 07-Apr-16 20:55:39

What does LO stand for by the way?

apple2015 Fri 08-Apr-16 14:43:09

Hi,
We have been approved in December 2015, linked in January 2016 and matched in March 2016.
We were waiting for a long time to be approved and went on holidays a few times to take the mind of the process. It definitely worked for us.

DINKY2016 Fri 08-Apr-16 14:51:36

LO = little one

PicaK Mon 11-Apr-16 14:31:48

Yes - asleep in the cot right now. grin

PicaK Mon 11-Apr-16 14:33:58

£££s down the drain - couldn't give a monkeys.

DaisyD123 Mon 18-Apr-16 13:04:46

Keep the faith. I was approved in April of last year and my darling son moved in with me in February. I know how frustrating it can be but your little one is out there and when the time is right they'll pop into your life. The wait is worth it.

Mollybird1 Mon 18-Apr-16 22:25:50

Ah thank you DaisyD123.so nice to hear these positive stories on your little ones and how the wait will be worth it. Glad things are going well for you and your son.

marmalade999 Sat 30-Apr-16 21:02:40

We were lucky and had a match quickly. We were with stoke LA who have a lot if children in care and waiting to be adopted. It's such a shame that authorities aren't combined and sharing to prevent this. Those little people suffer in the delay finding their forever family xx

arielmanto Fri 20-May-16 11:58:40

reviving an old one here for some hand-holding and/or a quick shake. we've been approved for 7 months now and my head knows that's not long in the current climate. but my heart hasn't caught up yet.

it was really easy for the first few months, just preparing the house, doing some volunteering, saving money.. and then once we passed the 6 month point it's become like wading through treacle. haven't heard from SW since the 18th March (yes, I'm counting the days) and that was just a perfunctory "hi, no news" email.

some friends who announced their pregnancy after our approval had a little girl yesterday and I am so pleased for them, but I still cried for half an hour about it. not out of jealousy, not exactly, just frustration, disillusionment, I don't know how to put it but I'm sure some of you know what I mean. tell me that doesn't make me a bad person.. ?

at the moment the way we are getting through things is by keeping busy. so so busy - cooking, exercising, decorating.. filling the time so we don't get to dwell on the lack of phone calls and emails. we were due a training day at the agency this week but it was cancelled as not enough people were attending. even though it wouldn't have meant anything in terms of matching, it was just an informative session, I was gutted it was cancelled as it would at least have felt like touching base and seeing that the SW team still exist.

I'll feel better soon, won't I! DP is very good at the moment, has had wobbles about similar things in the past few months when I've been fine, but this seems to be my turn.

GAHHHHH. anyone else out there in the same place?

MintyLizzy9 Fri 20-May-16 14:11:48

It does NOT make you a bad person, it makes you human. I thought I would have a breakdown towards the end, the waiting, the assuming, watching everyone else getting on with their lives whilst it feels like yours is standing still, the joy you feel for others along side the stomach churning feeling of why not me was all part of the process for me. It felt like everyone around me was making happy announcements and all I could say when asked was no, no news yet. It was around month 8 when I got the call about my DS and those months felt like a lifetime. You are doing the right thing keeping busy but remember to take care of yourself and as hard as it is try to spend some time relaxing. The down time is so important to keep you strong, it's also good to let it out when you feel you need to. I would drive off to the seaside for a walk on the beach by myself and ball my eyes out, it was most therapeutic. The words the wait won't last forever won't mean too much right now but I believe we are all meant for someone and without the awful wait I wouldn't have my son, we were formally linked the day the judge granted his placement order (I had been lurking in the background for the previous couple of weeks due to a delay at court) so you see I was waiting for him until he needed me. Xxxxxx

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