SGO & contact so confused by Social Worker

[MrsJen3]

Hello, I'm not really sure where to post as clearly my situation is very different to those who adopt but I'm hoping someone will have some advise.
We've had a 16 month old little one living with us for almost a year now under a Friends & Family Foster Placement and the plan is that next year we will apply for a Special Guardianship Order.
Currently contact is twice per week for two hours at a time plus family events such as birthdays, Christmas etc - this was ordered by the Judge at the final hearing.
All is going very well so far and the little one enjoys seeing mum for swimming, soft play or the park (all supervised) etc....our relationship with Mum can be strained at times but on the whole it's not too bad anymore.
Mum would obviously prefer little one was with her but has reluctantly accepted that it can't be, though I do think she has the idea the SGO can be overturned in the future if she turns things around for a sufficient period of time.
Children's Services are unhappy with the amount of contact and think it should be reduced as they think it could cause confusion for the little one as they get older. They think the SGO plan should be for reduced contact but I dont, I think we should carry on as things are unless we encounter problems and then we should look at contact again. The SW seems to contradict herself on the one hand saying if we reduce contact when/if problems present then mum won't be happy and the little could resent us if he finds out we are not letting mum have the amount of contact she is happy with. However, if we reduce contact at SGO mum definately won't be happy then either and little one could still resent us if he ever finds out mum wasn't allowed to see him. I think reducing contact contact at SGO is extremely likely to cause problems as mum will be very unhappy at having contact reduced when it's been going so well. It just doesn't make sense to me, does anyone have experience of SGO and a high level of contact?
We've also been told we give mum too much info about little ones life but at our fostering review we were told we weren't including her in decisions enough. I'm just totally confused by things at the moment, we're trying to do our best for the little one but feel we don't always know what the best is.

[damnbratz]

We have an sgo for my husband's niece and this is my understanding:

1.DN (who was 5 when she came to live with us) originally had a similar amount of contact as your little one while she was in a foster home. This was reduced to 2 hours once a month when the sgo was granted and I am told this is unusual - contact is often only 4 to 6 times a year. To be honest we often find even this level of contact difficult now DN is at school as with travelling etc it often takes most of the Saturday. Mum only comes to contact when it suits her although dad comes to every one. The parents were granted a weekly phone call but mum hasn't rung for nearly 2 years. Mum did go to every contact while SS were involved. I think it is quite important in order for you to bond and your little one to see you as his family that contact is NOT as frequent as you are describing now. They need to be able to see you as the parent.

1. An sgo can be overturned BUT the parent would have to apply to the court for leave to challenge the sgo. At the time we were in court an sgo had never been overturned but I'm not aware if that is still true. However, I can't see any court returning a child from a settled and loving family setting - there would have to be really exceptional circumstances. The advice we were given from social services was that it just wouldn't happen.

1. We share information with the parents (E.g. school reprts, what she has been doing - swimming lessons etc) but the decision making is ours and we never ask their opinion. With an sgo the parents retain only some basic parental rights (In our case we cannot change her name, emigrate or have her sterilised without their agreement) and so we take the responsibility of making decisions.

I think as time goes on - DN has been with us nearly 4 years now - the parents become more distant and disassociated. They seem to enjoy contact but never ask about anything and only talk about what they are doing.

Hope this helps. Feel free to ask anything else.

[MrsJen3]

Thanks for responding....in our case mum is very much interested and lives only 10 minutes away, what makes things more difficult is she is our daughter and still needs us to be her parents offering her advice and guidance at times as well as being carers/guardians to her child, our grandchild.
We know our daughter well and think regular good quality contact with her child is what's going to help this arrangement work in the long term and i think the Judge realised this too.
The Social Workers involved now are from a different team than the ones who went to court with us and are basing their opinion on other people's situations not our specific circumstances.
I too feel it would be highly unlikely for Judge to overturn an SGO and uproot a child who is settled so I'm not too concerned about this happening.
It's so hard to know what's going to be for the best, it certainly seems most SGOs are planned with minimal contact but I can't see minimal contact working in this case.

[Kewcumber]

I would have thought that if you put the child at the heart of the decision then you should be OK.

2hrs twice a week does sound a lot to me but then if it works then that's no problem at the moment. How are you going to manage once your GD is at school?

I don't think children get confused by things if it's what they've always known.

Do you always supervise contact - it would worry me if your daughter thinks that she will get the child back that she might start saying things which are unsettling like "when you come home to live with me".

So I guess it partly depends on how confident you are that you can supervise this level of contact effectively for the foreseeable future.

[MrsH1989]

I think that seems as the parent of this child is your daughter, and you will be seeing her fairly regularly because of this, it would not make sense to reduce contact and upset anyone.

[Italiangreyhound]

MrsJen3 now you have said the mum is your daughter it does make perfect sense that contact is how it is.

I hope you can get some good advice from your new social work team to present your case in the best possible light. I think as others have said if you can show it is good for your GC, rather than your daughter, they will understand.

I think also, or rather I wonder, if your daughter has some time with you as her mum and dad supporting her if you are able and maybe if she gets that she may find that time with her own daughter is totally different. By this I mean she gets something from you that is aimed at her, which it sounds like she does, and this may help her to relax a bit about the need to know everything about her own child. If that makes sense.

It sounds like you are doing a brilliant and amazing job, I think if it is just clear little one is at the heart of what you doing - rather than what will not put your daughter's back up, or what is easiest to manage or whatever - you will have a solid case.

Also, just as an aside it may be that your daughter wants to know a lot because she fears being written out of her child's life or becoming irrelevant or lied to etc etc, if you can calm those fears and find out what exactly she is interested in she may find it easier and be less 'probing'.

It sounds like you are walking a tight rope between your daughter's expectations, the local authority and your own needs/your GC's needs! I hope you get lots of good support.

You sound amazing! .

[combined02]

I am not sure I have understood this properly, and apologies if I haven't, but are you saying that the order was made and is going well, but that a new team of social workers are saying they are unhappy with various things and talking about a revised court order? If so, I might go a bit further than the other posters and take advice from a good solicitor - only because if the social workers have fixed ideas and even after you have tried to communicate effectively with them the fixed ideas continue, then it might be very stressful for you all, and an experience solicitor acting as intermediary might be of assistance. I say this only because of other posts I have read on here - of poor social work practice in particular circs which has then been sorted out by a solicitor - I might be wrong and hopefully a quick call with a solicitor would clarify what they would recommend and when. If you find out that this is rubbish advice, please do let me know!