Guilt guilt guilt

[Buster510]

and more guilt.

I feel on and off, in waves, I just have spurts of having so much guilt of DS and I can't shake it off!

From working full time, to doing his afterschool clubs, to me trying to fit the occasional gym session in, to him spending time with family while I work.

He is a settled happy little boy, but I still can't get over these feelings, they arise over the silliest things! So this morning, I was probably already grumpy because it is Monday, first day of the working week and all that, and I got too snappy with DS over the littlest thing.

I did sit down with him and apologised as I most certainly shouldn't take any mood of mine out on him he was ok.

I find I am mostly calm, I'd like to think empathic and we get along fantastically. How far we have came this year since his placement - I still have to pinch myself it is just wonderful. But I shouldn't get shouty at him like I do occasionally!

DH works away, it is just me at home and we have came so far in the 11 months he has been home but I still feel I shouldn't get shouty like I do. I sometimes I feel like I'm 'burning the candle at both ends' so they say, and trying to do too much. But I can't just quit work feasibly, I have trained since I was very young and it is part of who I am, it hugely provides me with that hour away to do something for me. I don't go out with my friends that is the only thing I do aside from work.

Then I get the guilt of feeling selfish wanting to do training for me, when I work too. I feel something needs to give but I just don't know where to start. I feel as though we both just 'get through the week' until it is the weekend to really chill and spend quality time together.

Sorry if none of this makes any sense, I am feeling a huge amount of emotions about everything at the moment and thought I would just post.

[ChippingInLatteLover]

Hey - you sound like pretty much every Mum I know :)

How old is DS?

[Buster510]

Thank you, He is 5, he's been home a year next month :) x

[ChippingInLatteLover]

I think you are being too hard on yourself.

You have had to make major adjustments too - suddenly having a 4 yo must be really difficult.

I think it's good that you are still training, still doing the thing that makes you, you. If you gave that up you would be resentful and that wouldn't help things at all.

You are in many ways a single working Mum. Yes you have your DH to share the emotional & financial worries with, which single parents don't have, but you are still doing everything by yourself the vast majority of the time.

Your DS goes to after school clubs - many do.

He spends time with your family - many lucky ones do.

He is a settled happy little boy - what more do you want??? What do you need to change to make YOU happy? He's happy - you are the one struggling, so what do you need?

If it's never to feel guilty then you are on the highway to hell with that one because I don't know any good parents that don't feel guilty about something x

[LastingLight]

When you're a parent, guilt comes with the territory. I agree with Chipping, you're doing well and it sounds as if your ds is just fine.

[Buster510]

Thanks all for the reassurance! I think I was having a moment of madness. Yes he is a happy chap and is settled in his routine. I am one of those, 'oh nothing to worry about, I must make something' :| :)

[ChippingInLatteLover]

Please try to wean yourself off of that kind of thinking though. My Mum is like that and it's very very draining to be around. It gets worse with age too. It's not great to grow up with a 'worrier'.

He's all yours, he's happy & he's loved
x