Anything I could possibly do for my friend - DD removed

[drspouse]

My work friend adopted a DS some years ago and she and her DH were approved and matched with a new DD this year. I just found out today that a couple of months after she moved in my friend had a very serious illness and was in the ICU. While she was in there the SWs decided to remove the girl and return her to her FCs that she had previously been with.

I knew about the illness and that she was on the road to recovery (she is in fact about to go back to work) but had assumed that having their new DD was a silver lining to an awful year. I was about to send them a congratulations card, an announcement card for our own DD (we have been abroad for some time meeting her) and to ask whether there was anything they'd like as a gift for their DD. I had emailed to ask for their home address to send both cards to.

I don't really know what to do now, I would feel bad sending them our announcement card though they were very excited with us having a potential match (that was very last minute though we had inklings a while back) at the same time that they had a long and drawn out matching process (owing to the little girl's LA dragging their feet, which apparently they did the whole time she was in care).

What can I possibly say or do for my friend? I feel so useless.

[Lilka]

How awful for them and for their DD

I think the only things we can do in these kinds of situations is to express how sorry we are, be there for them and be supportive, and offer to be a listening ear if they want that at any point. Don't avoid contact with them. They probably need supportive friends round them right now, even if they aren't able to talk about it

I would tell them that you have adopted your DD because they obviously care a lot about you and your family. If you don't feel right sending your card, could you include it in an email or them or something like that?

[drspouse]

I had emailed to tell them about DD, and ask for the address to send them something, so she does already know. (Sorry, when I say I found out, I meant she told me, in reply to my email).

[Tokoloshe]

Good advice from lilka - they may not have many people who can listen and support, just being clear that you are there and willing to listen may be a huge help. You can't take the pain away, but can acknowledge it (which perhaps a lot of people around them will be minimizing or scared of).