Bumping into birth parent

[Whatutalkinboutwillis]

So it happened. Ds has been home 9 months and bm lives in the next town. There was something happening in our town today and we found ourselves stood very close to birth mum. It was a bit of a shock as we did not know how she or our ds would react. I was able to shield him from view and take him away before they seen eachother but it was just such a shock. It would have been so difficult for all involved had she noticed him or him her.

I feel awful tonight knowing they were so close and I went out my way to make sure she did not see him (for his sake). It is also strange to put a real face to her. I have seen photos but seeing her in real life she looked so fragile. Just a strange strange day. Has this happened to anyone else?

[Maleducada]

it wouldn't have harmed him if his birth mother had seen him surely? How would she have recognised you/him?

can appreciate that it must have been very weird though.

[disneygirl10]

How stressful for you. It hasn't happened to us, i think i would panic well done for staying calm. I seem to remember another thread about bumping into bm a while ago.
Malducada op said placement was only 9 months ago I would say there was a real risk of bm recognising him.

[RhinosAreFatUnicorns]

It hasn't happened to us and whilst DD wouldn't recognise BM, i would. Well done on handling it so well.

[Lilka]

Happened here, with a very different ending (my thread). We also live quite close to each other though, and with a city centre near us, it was perhaps inevitable that one day we would be in the same place on the same day. My DD's mum looks very fragile sometimes as well

How stressful for you. I know you may feel bad, but if you did the right thing for your son, then don't beat yourself up x

[Lilka]

I think you handled it well as well

[morethanpotatoprints]

Blimey, I bet you were half scared to death.

Not the same but I found out a few years ago that my bm lived in a nearby town that my parents had often taken me to as a child, school trips and later to night clubs. I found out she had been going to the same one as me at the same time as me.
I jumped in a taxi once and the driver said I looked familiar and he knew me.
It happened to be a long journey and we finally got to the truth that he had known all my nearest family members, I had such a strong resemblance. Stranger still, this was another town 30 miles away.
I hadn't met any of them then so it was quite chilling tbh.
I also come under the old law pre 1975, so it was quite upsetting as I knew newt then. A complete stranger told me about my bm.

[Whatutalkinboutwillis]

Wow morethan that must have been awful for you and very surreal.

Yes he has only been with us 9month and has not changed in the slightest and she just had a recent photo through letterbox.

I do think we handled it well but at the time was a shock and you just doubt yourself don't you.

[Moomoomie]

I too think you handled the situation very well. You put your child first. I never met birth mum , she actually moved to the town in which we live but I wasn't aware at the time. We were actually in the same building at the same time often too.

[morethanpotatoprints]

I think you did amazingly well under the circumstances, it must have shocked you.

I wonder why these days you aren't given this info, obviously not the address or anything.
Am I being a bit stupid, as in whose responsibility would it be to tell you and how would they know.

What

We had only lived here a few months so it was quite a coincidence in terms of timing that I got in this taxi.
I got home, started to shake and broke down on dh.

There was a similar one when my dsis also adopted had a tradesman to the house. he recognised my bm from my wedding photo on the wall.
he was distant family and he was the one who told my dsis that my bm had died very young. He gave her directions to the grave.
It was a shock for the poor man as well.

[Whatutalkinboutwillis]

Oh my god that is just awful.

[OurMiracle1106]

I am hoping that this never happens to me as a birth mum but I would cuddle him if he came up to me and then turn him back and say go to mummy/daddy little man.

(then get myself home lock myself in my room and cry)

I hope that his parents would be okay with me doing that.

[OurMiracle1106]

But as to knowing whereabouts of birth parents, there is two issues with that. The court made my whereabouts and address and any other personal information confidential so my ex couldn't gain access to it but obviously this stretches to everyone other than social services and the court.

And the second issue is that actually I don't have to tell social services where I live and I am quite within my rights to have contact letters forwarded to my solicitor or to pick them up from.social.services and only provide a phone or email details to maintain contact. Legally social services have no right to know where I am or what I am doing subject to it not obviously being having another baby. However me going to college is nothing to do with them. Same as if I was to get married. My son I feel has a right to know but nothing llegally obligates me to provide this information.

[Whatutalkinboutwillis]

That's exactly how I would hope mum would have handled it but it all honestly I think she would have ignored him which would have broke his heart. We only know what town she lives in nothing else.

[Italiangreyhound]

Miracle that is how I would hope my son's birth mum would handle it too.