Starting out on the journey...

[indiefairy]

Hi everyone,

I have been reading this forum for a few weeks now and decided that it was time to take the plunge and sign up and post!

My DH and I have decided to look into adopting, and our initial visit from the Social Worker is on the 3rd July and I am terrified…

I had my DS at 22 and he was 10 weeks premature and then found out during my next pregnancy that I have cervical incompetence and can’t carry full term. My DD sadly passed away 13 hours after birth due to complications and being premature (13 weeks that time). I had a miscarriage at the beginning of the year and my consultant thinks that I will continue this for any future pregnancies as my cervix doesn't want to play ball! There are options but the one that would maybe work requires major surgery that is high risk and having my DS I just can’t justify putting everyone though the trauma.

Before this my DH and I had talked about adoption and it was something we had always said we would like to do at some point, the some point has just happened sooner that we thought it would!

My DH and I have been together 4 years and have a very close and supportive network of family and friends. My DS from a previous relationship is 10, and is very much on board with us adopting which is lovely ? I worry though that him having ADHD (very mild and controlled by a tiny amount of Ritalin), may go against us? Or would it be a positive as we are raising a child with these additional needs who is thriving and top of his class?! I am on excellent terms with the father of my DS and his family which I know they will look into.

The SW said he will be looking around our house and asking some initial questions, any advice of what to expect would be most appreciated!

[UnderTheNameOfSanders]

Hi, welcome to these boards.

It is some time (~9 years I think) since we had our first SW visit, so I'm a bit rusty.

I think they just want to get a feel for you, a general view on age range you might consider, what level of extra needs you would consider, and whether there are any blockers to proceeding.

I wouldn't have thought your DS's ADHD would be a blocker, as you say it could be viewed as a positive.
It is however only 6 months since your miscarriage, and some LAs prefer you to have waited a year. Certainly at some point they will want to explore with you how you have coped with your losses, and make sure you are OK to carry on with the emotional rollercoaster of adoption.

Best wishes on your journey

(adopter of 2 siblings, 7 years ago)

[RaspberrySnowCone]

Hi, we had our first visit last week. The ASW asked about how we had come to adoption, how long we'd been together, what sort of age child had we thought about, had a chat about what I felt were lots of random things although she was obviously getting lots of info that she needed. DH asked about our families (his dad abandoned him and mine the same but was violent as well). We thought that might count us out but ASW was able to reassure us. She then went through the process, what would happen, what we had to do, the support available throughout etc, a bit about the children and possible backgrounds. She also asked about the counselling I/we had because we are infertile.

Use it as an opportunity to ask as many questions as you need too. It's a two way process at this point I think, they have to scope you out but equally they need to give you all of the info you need in order to proceed. Ask about DS ADHD and about your journey so far. I was terrified waiting for her to arrive but she was lovely.

[Italiangreyhound]

indiefairy I am so sorry to hear of your experiences with the loss of your little girl.

Our initial meeting was just over 18 months ago so I am a bit rusty but basically they want to know what you have experienced, childhood etc, former marriages/relationships, your sad loss, any issues with your birth child etc, any issues and how you have handled stuff and over come problems. They want to make sure that nothing in your past will come back and be a problem for you and the new adoption.

So for example if you experienced problems in the past and they were not resolved the additional stress of a new baby or child might trigger some reaction that could be harmful to the adoption placement. I am sure you know that of course. So did you get bereavement counselling when you lost your little girl and if not, how did you work through that grief. Have you mourned not having another birth child, etc.

We have a birth dd aged 9 and had six and a half years of fertility treatment so needed to get over the grief and loss of those issues. I thought I was ready when dd was 5 but was not really and so we tried when she was 7 and finally brought home our ds when she was 9.

Congratulations on doing such a great job with your son.

I am sure you will do brilliantly at this initial meeting.

I went made and cleaned the house a lot. Everyone said they would not want to look round, but she did. I felt better it was clean and reasonably tidy and I am sure it made no difference but it did to me!

Why not pop onto a thread called Newbies and say hi and see what other people's journies are like.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/2092272-Newbies-Part-2

All the best.