My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Adoption

Sick of being shouty!

55 replies

Buster51 · 28/05/2014 21:55

I have posted along similar lines in the past, & I must say I still rarely yell at DS but when I do I completely over react! :-( feeling bad, a bit of "cheek" lead to a whole drama mostly caused by my overreaction. Feeling like the worlds worst witch of a mum!

I did have issues when I was younger with getting angry to the point of tears, & although it has improved as I've got older, I still sometimes get the overwhelming stressy urge! I have just gone back to work, DH is away for 8 weeks (forces) feeling already guilty about that just beating myself up to be honest. Poor DS

OP posts:
Report
Italiangreyhound · 28/05/2014 22:10

Dear Buster I know what you mean. I do it too. I am afraid with my dd it is only fuel to the fire and makes her much worse, so I constantly need to remind myself to remain calm even if in side I feel like a volcano.

DS has looked at me with a scared face on one occasion when I raised my voice slightly and that face made me so sad.

So I can't really help except I know what you mean and if you can keep a lid on it, let your mind go to a peaceful place and repeat your request in a broken record style I feel it is better for child and better for you.

Practise on the dog/cat/hubby/potted plant.

Report
Devora · 28/05/2014 22:21

Another shouty mum here. I am trying really, really hard to keep it under control, but some days I find it a real struggle. I've always had anger issues, though most people would never guess - in fact, I'm often described as calm and serene. But my kids drag it out of me!

Worst is that dd really struggles with her anger too, and the very last thing she needs is a mother role modelling the kind of behaviour she gets disciplined for...

I really, really feel your pain on this one, Buster.

Report
excitedmamma · 28/05/2014 22:32

I read a fab book called 1,2,3 magic. The biggest message I took from this book was to not 'tantrum' myself... to walk away... shouting only escalates the issue.

Sounds like you've had some big changes, and everyone will still be adjusting to these changes, so go easy on yourself, and ds.

I like being in control, so when I feel the need to shout, I 'test' myself to stay in control by not losing it. Doesn't work 100% but it has vastly improved my reaction.

Report
MyFeetAreCold · 28/05/2014 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyFeetAreCold · 28/05/2014 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MerryInthechelseahotel · 28/05/2014 23:29

When I have coffee with my friends they all moan about how shouty they have become since having children.

Maybe you can look on it as good preparation for school! (Joke)

Report
LastingLight · 29/05/2014 05:47

What Devora said.

Report
FamiliesShareGerms · 29/05/2014 06:08

Ah, I can sympathise completely on this one... I hate that my children can provoke me into some kind of shouty, nagging harridan. No magic answer to this one, deep breaths, learn to let it wash over you. And gin ( not called "mother's ruin" for nothing Wink)

Report
Ledkr · 29/05/2014 06:41

Me too. I'm trying so hard but now dd is 12 and giving me so much cheek, I just explode. I then rant away knowing she's probably not even listening.

Report
Buster51 · 29/05/2014 08:20

Snap with a lot of what you are saying, I suppose I do like 'too much' to be in control, which obviously isn't a good example to set when DS often craves control! I do the same Ledkr, ranting on when he clearly clearly is not listening. I think I am definitely going to invest in that book excitedmamma & myfeetarecold!

trying to always be 'super mum' is tough!

Thanks everyone Thanks

OP posts:
Report
Ledkr · 29/05/2014 08:55

I remember advice from maryz who says ignore the cheek and concentrate on the action.
I did it yesterday with dd and it does work.
Good luck everyone with no shouting. June.

Report
Buster51 · 29/05/2014 09:00

Yes that sounds good 'no shouting June' lets see if I can stick to it!! :)

OP posts:
Report
MyFeetAreCold · 29/05/2014 09:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fasparent · 29/05/2014 12:47

Anger is anger, sub divide then there are better definitions, important that child understands being angry at times is natural even if just a little bit but it does not distract our love for each other , best take a breath think say 123, explain of other people feeling's and consequence.
My dad used too say too me " get behind me satan, but sometimes and give me leg up the wall.

Report
Ladyofthehouse · 29/05/2014 13:18

Oh this is exactly what I feel at the moment! Dd1aged 4 is being an absolute angel at the moment. But dd2 aged 3 has suddenly turned into a right monster! Half term this week and she has chicken pox which isn't helping but I feel like I'm constantly telling her to get off the windowsills, we don't hit, we don't eat play doh, stop running in the house, don't bite, please tidy up etc etc.......and the she will just scream or ignore me.....I really don't want to shout and it scares dd1 so I then feel so bad!

I'd love a support thread for no shout June!

You have reminded me though that I read that book and it did help with dd1 so maybe I need to revisit it.

Report
MyFeetAreCold · 29/05/2014 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Buster51 · 29/05/2014 15:20

haha! I wish, although I am at work, and DS is with Nan, so I feel I'd be slightly cheating!

OP posts:
Report
excitedmamma · 29/05/2014 15:21

LOL Myfeet.... nearly so I think you can have a sticker for doing so well... go to the top of the class.

(reminds herself to re-read the book and practise what she preaches) Wink

Report
MyFeetAreCold · 29/05/2014 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyFeetAreCold · 29/05/2014 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ladyofthehouse · 29/05/2014 17:31

I ended up putting dd2 for a nap.....she didn't want one but I and her sister needed her to! Luckily she's woken in a fairly good mood and it's helped me to stay calm this afternoon so I've managed 2 hours of no shouting! Yay!

Although they are now in the garden playing with stone.....why??? They have lots of toys!!

Decided to 'pick my battles'!

Report
Ledkr · 29/05/2014 18:07

I am currently struggling not to have a good shout.
Dd1 has brought back a soggy friend so two sets of wet clothes and shoes into my clean house (we are off to a festival tomorrow)
And dd2 has literally done nothing but moan and cry for the last two hours and seems to keep clamouring over me digging her boney hands and feet into my legs and making me feel furious.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Ledkr · 29/05/2014 18:08

I just realised what I typed.
We are off to a festival tomorrow

Report
Ledkr · 29/05/2014 18:09

Wine my first reward!

Report
Ladyofthehouse · 02/06/2014 09:26

Had a really good weekend....no shouting! But then it's always easier when DH is home!? Let's see how this week goes hey!

How was your festival....did you get the sunshine?

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.