Sick of being shouty!

(56 Posts)
Buster51 Wed 28-May-14 21:55:40

I have posted along similar lines in the past, & I must say I still rarely yell at DS but when I do I completely over react! :-( feeling bad, a bit of "cheek" lead to a whole drama mostly caused by my overreaction. Feeling like the worlds worst witch of a mum!

I did have issues when I was younger with getting angry to the point of tears, & although it has improved as I've got older, I still sometimes get the overwhelming stressy urge! I have just gone back to work, DH is away for 8 weeks (forces) feeling already guilty about that just beating myself up to be honest. Poor DS

Dear Buster I know what you mean. I do it too. I am afraid with my dd it is only fuel to the fire and makes her much worse, so I constantly need to remind myself to remain calm even if in side I feel like a volcano.

DS has looked at me with a scared face on one occasion when I raised my voice slightly and that face made me so sad.

So I can't really help except I know what you mean and if you can keep a lid on it, let your mind go to a peaceful place and repeat your request in a broken record style I feel it is better for child and better for you.

Practise on the dog/cat/hubby/potted plant.

Devora Wed 28-May-14 22:21:22

Another shouty mum here. I am trying really, really hard to keep it under control, but some days I find it a real struggle. I've always had anger issues, though most people would never guess - in fact, I'm often described as calm and serene. But my kids drag it out of me!

Worst is that dd really struggles with her anger too, and the very last thing she needs is a mother role modelling the kind of behaviour she gets disciplined for...

I really, really feel your pain on this one, Buster.

excitedmamma Wed 28-May-14 22:32:06

I read a fab book called 1,2,3 magic. The biggest message I took from this book was to not 'tantrum' myself... to walk away... shouting only escalates the issue.

Sounds like you've had some big changes, and everyone will still be adjusting to these changes, so go easy on yourself, and ds.

I like being in control, so when I feel the need to shout, I 'test' myself to stay in control by not losing it. Doesn't work 100% but it has vastly improved my reaction.

MyFeetAreCold Wed 28-May-14 23:23:28

Buster, snap. Here too. No advice, just sympathy.

Off to look for excited mamas book...

MyFeetAreCold Wed 28-May-14 23:28:01
MerryInthechelseahotel Wed 28-May-14 23:29:31

When I have coffee with my friends they all moan about how shouty they have become since having children.

Maybe you can look on it as good preparation for school! (Joke)

LastingLight Thu 29-May-14 05:47:09

What Devora said.

FamiliesShareGerms Thu 29-May-14 06:08:16

Ah, I can sympathise completely on this one... I hate that my children can provoke me into some kind of shouty, nagging harridan. No magic answer to this one, deep breaths, learn to let it wash over you. And gin ( not called "mother's ruin" for nothing wink)

Ledkr Thu 29-May-14 06:41:43

Me too. I'm trying so hard but now dd is 12 and giving me so much cheek, I just explode. I then rant away knowing she's probably not even listening.

Buster51 Thu 29-May-14 08:20:12

Snap with a lot of what you are saying, I suppose I do like 'too much' to be in control, which obviously isn't a good example to set when DS often craves control! I do the same Ledkr, ranting on when he clearly clearly is not listening. I think I am definitely going to invest in that book excitedmamma & myfeetarecold!

trying to always be 'super mum' is tough!

Thanks everyone thanks

Ledkr Thu 29-May-14 08:55:02

I remember advice from maryz who says ignore the cheek and concentrate on the action.
I did it yesterday with dd and it does work.
Good luck everyone with no shouting. June.

Buster51 Thu 29-May-14 09:00:36

Yes that sounds good 'no shouting June' lets see if I can stick to it!! smile

MyFeetAreCold Thu 29-May-14 09:09:44

I read a significant chunk of that book last night. I'm going to try and get through the rest of it today and then have a think about how to use it. One thing that really made sense to me (or that I recognised) was the adult trying to reason/explain and getting nowhere (because children aren't reasonable).

fasparent Thu 29-May-14 12:47:31

Anger is anger, sub divide then there are better definitions, important that child understands being angry at times is natural even if just a little bit but it does not distract our love for each other , best take a breath think say 123, explain of other people feeling's and consequence.
My dad used too say too me " get behind me satan, but sometimes and give me leg up the wall.

Ladyofthehouse Thu 29-May-14 13:18:03

Oh this is exactly what I feel at the moment! Dd1aged 4 is being an absolute angel at the moment. But dd2 aged 3 has suddenly turned into a right monster! Half term this week and she has chicken pox which isn't helping but I feel like I'm constantly telling her to get off the windowsills, we don't hit, we don't eat play doh, stop running in the house, don't bite, please tidy up etc etc.......and the she will just scream or ignore me.....I really don't want to shout and it scares dd1 so I then feel so bad!

I'd love a support thread for no shout June!

You have reminded me though that I read that book and it did help with dd1 so maybe I need to revisit it.

MyFeetAreCold Thu 29-May-14 15:01:18

Is it June yet? I've made it through 3/4 of a day and want it to count!

Buster51 Thu 29-May-14 15:20:55

haha! I wish, although I am at work, and DS is with Nan, so I feel I'd be slightly cheating!

excitedmamma Thu 29-May-14 15:21:31

LOL Myfeet.... nearly so I think you can have a sticker for doing so well... go to the top of the class.

(reminds herself to re-read the book and practise what she preaches) wink

MyFeetAreCold Thu 29-May-14 15:56:25

Ha! Reward charts for Non-Shouty June! Love it! wink

MyFeetAreCold Thu 29-May-14 15:58:05

<wonders if this is valid use of Hello Kitty stickers>

Ladyofthehouse Thu 29-May-14 17:31:37

I ended up putting dd2 for a nap.....she didn't want one but I and her sister needed her to! Luckily she's woken in a fairly good mood and it's helped me to stay calm this afternoon so I've managed 2 hours of no shouting! Yay!

Although they are now in the garden playing with stone.....why??? They have lots of toys!!

Decided to 'pick my battles'!

Ledkr Thu 29-May-14 18:07:20

I am currently struggling not to have a good shout.
Dd1 has brought back a soggy friend so two sets of wet clothes and shoes into my clean house (we are off to a festival tomorrow)
And dd2 has literally done nothing but moan and cry for the last two hours and seems to keep clamouring over me digging her boney hands and feet into my legs and making me feel furious.

Ledkr Thu 29-May-14 18:08:49

I just realised what I typed.
We are off to a festival tomorrow <eyes torrential rain>

Ledkr Thu 29-May-14 18:09:37

wine my first reward!

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