Two children with name issues at the same time! Can I ask what you make of it?
DS has been wanting to drop his second middle name for months and months, and lately he's asked several times. He's quite adamant about it now. I've been waiting these past months to see whether this was a temporary or likely to be a sustained want, because I don't want to be changing names back and forth. But I'm think I've reached the conclusion that I'm going to let him change it and drop it. I've not found this an easy conclusion to come to - it's his birth name and I know this has been caused by all the birth family issues we've been having. I'm sad by the complete rejection of everything associated with his birth family, even contact with his other adopted birth siblings. The name is the next step. Nor am I happy with forcing him to have a name he doesn't want and doesn't like, especially since I let the DD's have choice over their names when they were about his age.
So overall I've decided that I'll let him drop it. Which raised another issue - just have the one middle name, he doesn't want to do this because nearly everyone in the family has 2 middle names, including both his sisters and DGD1 (DGD2 only has one, but it sounds like two names). having one would make him 'different' from the rest of the family.
So today I asked "What do you want to pick as your new name?" and he's saying "you pick one". Clearly he's desperate to be as much like a birth child of mine as possible (as in, parents pick the names) which I'm also sad about because none of my children are less or more mine because I picked or didn't pick their names.
So we're both standing here saying "you pick the name" and I need a compromise. He needs to really like his new middle name and feel comfortable with it, I need to know that he does, so I refuse to just select a name and say 'this is it'. He's determined to have a name that cements him in this family. Compromise suggestions?
Also, I can't say this to him but I can have a minute to be sad about all this. I'm sure many of you will understand
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Adoption
Name issues
Lilka · 20/05/2014 23:21
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