I have no BC and I'm never planning to (just never felt the urge to procreate), but to me its always made sense that if there are children without a home to be in then the first step would be to offer them a home rather than create my own (I'm very attracted to the idea of being a parent, just no desire for them to be BC). I have a large extended family and lots of experience with nieces/nephews etc so the realities of child rearing are fairly familiar to me and I have absolutely no doubts that an adopted child would be 'my' child. I work in a very ethical field and this very much influences my perspective, in terms of overpopulation, welfare of existing children in care etc.
I know that already this potentially makes me a bit unusual as for me adoption is a first consideration. I'm in a stable, loving longterm relationship and my partner is incredibly supportive and also very happy to pursue adoption, but I realise the adoption process is a very invasive one where SW will dig through our histories etc. Now onto the crux of the issue...
When I was a teenager I was medicated for depression and referred for counselling relating to abuse I suffered at the hands of a family member as a child. None of my other family are aware of this and I've always felt a strong duty to protect them (it would destroy my parents). For other reasons all members of my family are already NC with the abuser (he's generally not a nice man and his behaviour means that I and my extended family no longer ever see him). I've absolutely come to terms with what happened to me and it doesn't affect me in any way, my psychologist was excellent.
HOWEVER (sorry this is LONG!). My current partner has no idea of this history. I have told previous partners before and each time (twice) it resulted in the end of the relationship as they found it difficult to reconcile the abuse. One accused me of lying as I ought to be more 'damaged', the other became very tearful, overprotective and suffocating (my general grumpyness was excused by the abuse - nope sometimes I'm just a grumpy cow - pull me up on it!). I genuinely don't feel as if the past influences the person I am today and hate the idea of people 'judging me' on my past experiences.
My question is - would the adoption process automatically lead to exposure of my past abuse (its on my medical record as my GP referred me for treatment.) I have no issue with the SW/medical professionals accessing this info, and no issues with discussing it directly with them. However I think it would change the way my partner views me and I don't want to challenge our healthy, loving relationship by giving him information which means he would very much judge me by my previous experience rather than who I am.
For me the whole process of accessing professional help and addressing these issues is to give me 'clean slate' I hate the idea that my abuser's actions could still influence my current life and relationship despite the progress I've made, and despite the fact that I rarely even consider him or the influence he's had on my life (minimal except to say 'f* you' and be very successful!).
I understand this is probably quite a unique situation but any experiences would be very much appreciated.
Thank you
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.
Adoption
Not sure where to start...
10 replies
DandyDindie · 14/05/2014 11:44
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.