Time off work

(10 Posts)
CloserThanYesterday Thu 01-May-14 22:31:53

Hello wise adopters, can I ask your opinions on something?

Much as we'd like one of us to be at home, DH and I just don't have the financial flexibility for me to have any longer than a year off work when/if a little one is placed with us.

I'm getting the impression that we wouldn't be likely to have a young child (under 2) placed with us, that a stay at home parent would always be the preferred option.

I do understand that many adopted children wouldn't cope with full time nursery - I'd only be going back part time and hope that relatives would be able to help with childcare.

I think I'm asking, in a very roundabout way - is there anyone out there whose plan was to go back to work, who did have a younger child placed with them?

Just to clarify ... It's not that we have our hearts set on a baby, we're trying to keep an open mind, but I guess I don't want to feel we'd be automatically passed over by children's SWs.

Thankyou ... sorry for the ramble!

CloserThanYesterday Thu 01-May-14 22:38:06

I should have said - I only work during term time, it that helps??

RhinosAreFatUnicorns Thu 01-May-14 22:51:53

I planned to go back and we were approved for 0-3, and subsequently matched with a 10 month old.

I stated that I knew my rights to request part time working but also knew of the right of my organisation to refuse it if they had valid reasons.

In the end I went back part time after 9 months off. DD attends nursery. After a rocky fortnight where I questionned my decision, we turned a corner. She is now thriving in nursery and we love our mummy days.

Every child is different, but it worked out for us.

Term time sounds ideal - wish I could do that smile

Kewcumber Fri 02-May-14 18:59:10

I haven't heard of social workers expecting one permanent stay at home parent unless the child has known issues that would be helped by a SAHP eg medical issues that required regular hospital appts or similar.

I should also add that what you think you can do and what you can actually do when your child requires it and you've bonded with them can sometimes be quite differnt.

I am a single paretn with no other means of support and ended up taking a year or so off work when DS started school because it was obvious he needed me to be around. It required quite major life decisions (moving house, cashing in equity, giving up on adoption 2 etc) but I still did it because he needed it.

I'd be surprised if many SW would rule you out because of your situation particularly if you stick to the line of "our plan is... but we will do whatever our child needs at the time and find a way to manage" because the reality is that is what you do!

Maiyakat Fri 02-May-14 19:15:33

I'm a single parent and had always said I would have to go back to work after 9-12 months. If SWs had wanted me to take longer they would have had to come up with an adoption allowance! DD came to me at 11 months, so it does happen. I work part time, and had agreed that with work before I went on adoption leave. DD is great in nursery but not sure how she'd cope being there full time.

MyFeetAreCold Fri 02-May-14 20:02:13

I know a couple from Prep group who had a very young baby placed when they had made no secret of the fact the mum will be returning to work FT (and is in fact very career oriented).

Bananaketchup Fri 02-May-14 20:10:59

I'm a single adopter, mine were nearly 5 and nearly 2 on placement. I was always clear I would definitely take a year off but be going back to work after that (and that I think it is good for children to see their parent working), but also clear that I would be going back part time, and that how part time or what hours I worked would depend on DCs ability to cope - eg working shorter hours on more days if they couldn't manage after school care, or fewer longer days if they needed set days free for therapy etc. Also I have very good family support and made it clear that nursery or an afternoon school club might be in the mix if appropriate but so would grandparents and family care. DS was actually younger than my lower age range, and SW is currently heavily involved in trying to get him a nursery place for when I'm back at work, so it's by no means a dealbreaker. HTH.

kmarie100 Fri 02-May-14 23:31:04

My dd was 2 when she came to us at the beginning of this year. Sw knew I worked part time and never made it an issue. We were appoved for 0-2. The length of time off I have will depend on how things are going. But I'm likely to be going back in July and dd will go to nursery 2 days a week.

CloserThanYesterday Sat 03-May-14 08:33:31

Thanks everyone for your responses, really helpful as always.

I think we just need to make it really clear that although the plan is for me to work part time, in reality we'll do whatever our little one needs us to do.

We could downsize our house to allow us to live on one salary if it came to it - like you kew it might mean only one child rather than adopting again after a few years, but I'm sure that once we have a son or daughter we'll do anything we need to!

Thanks again all for stopping me fretting!

AngelsWithSilverWings Sat 03-May-14 08:49:13

We were told that it's not a problem to go back to work but that it could prevent you being matched if the recommendation is that a particular baby should have a SAHP.

We were also told that in the case of a baby , if there were two couples who exactly matched the child's profile but one couple could provide a SAHP then that couple would be matched.

In our case DS's birth mother was asked what she wanted for him and she stipulated ( among other things ) that she wanted him to have a SAHM.

I know one adopter who was matched with a 12 month old and went back to work part time almost immediately. Her DH and her both have the flexibility of working from home and I think that helped.

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