To send children to separate schools?

[Jennifersrabbit]

Am trying to keep this succinct but hope you can help!

I have dc1 almost 8 and dc2 in reception. Adopted separately, different birth families.

Dc1 has significant attachment difficulties and is presenting quite a lot of difficult behaviour, among which is a very controlling relationship with sibling. Dc2 is so far so good, mature, resilient, doing well at school and forming good friendships. Not without the anxieties you would expect in a child with such a difficult start.

They are both currently at a small, inclusive, supportive school with a great understanding of attachment. Hugely supportive of DC1.

However am wondering whether for DC2s well being I should look at moving just dc2 to a different school? It's a hard one as the other logistical choice has good ofsted but is 90 entry, a separate junior school, and would mean disrupting their established friendships. And the support if dc2 does struggle in future would I think be less good. Current school is outstanding in its response to DC1. And to do school runs to two places dc2 would have to do breakfast and after school club.

Advice much appreciated!

[LastingLight]

What benefit would there be for dc2 in moving schools?

[Jennifersrabbit]

Well that's an interesting first gut response, thank you!

The benefit would be that DC1 is very controlling of DC2s choices and especially of their friendships. I would stress that we are working hard on this and have seen progress, but the need to control relationships is very characteristic of attachment difficulties and it's not going to resolve overnight. We have school, Camhs and a probable statement on board.

Therefore query is whether DC2 is better off in the most supportive school where they are doing well, but coping with Dc1, or better in slightly less good school and having to remake friendships but without the difficulties DC1 presents.

DC2 is resilient to DC1 and they have a loving relationship a lot of the time. Dc2 does and is supported to make own choices and friendships but Is understandably fed up with being told what to do the whole bloody time!

[Jennifersrabbit]

PS we can't move DC1 as about to be statemented to that school with 1:1 support etc - move for them undoubtedly disastrous. Not bad enough for special school to be a likely option.

[joanofarchitrave]

It sounds as if the school might have ideas about how to support DC2 as well. Would there be ways of separating them more during the day - staggered break times or similar? When do the difficulties with dc1 really kick in to the school day?

In short, I wouldn't move dc2 yet.

[UnderTheNameOfSanders]

It seems to me there might be more mileage in getting the existing school to support DC1 to leave DC2 alone whilst at school.

My DDs only overlapped for 1 year (Reception & y6) and I felt ADD2 got babied at school a bit because of it. Once ADD1 left ADD2 was able to stand on her own 2 feet better.

[Jennifersrabbit]

Wise words both and thank you. I think they may be looking at staggered break times for key stage 1 and 2 next year (because of expanding numbers not specifically for my kids!) and that would help a lot.

But useful to have the perspective of them who know. Thank you.