pregnant with twins, thinking about adoption

(29 Posts)
fb70 Mon 21-Apr-14 21:01:46

This is my first time posting on this site. I am after some non-judgmental advice, hopefully from others who have been in a similar situation.

I am 37, single and 34 weeks pregnant with twins. I did not find out I was pregnant with twins until I was 15 weeks, at which point I could not go through with an abortion.

The father of the children has been no help at all; we split up shortly after I found out I was pregnant, I would like him to be involved and have tried to reach out to him but to no avail. I organised a meeting with him several weeks ago and after an amicable discussion, after which I felt that we were finally getting somewhere, he sent me a torrent of abusive text messages. I have avoided initiating any contact with him since.

I do not have any other children, have a full time job and family can only offer limited support (for which I am grateful). I have contacted the local children's centre and have an appointment to look around and see what they have to offer in terms of support but I do not feel in any way prepared or emotionally equipped to deal with looking after two babies.

I feel that I could manage one baby on my own with limited support but two just feels like too much. I do not feel any strong 'bond' with my unborn children, although I feel duty bound to protect them. People say this will change after the birth but I am worried. I get a lot of comments about how 'amazing' it is that I am having twins but of course none of these people will be around to help out.

I am thinking that adoption for both of them might be a good option but I am scared about talking to the maternity services at the hospital in case matters are taken out of my hands.

Has anyone given up children voluntarily for adoption? There seems to be no information available, only stories about people who have had forced adoptions.

Any advice would be gratefully received, and yes, I know I have 'messed up' and I am probably very selfish in my concerns, so please refrain from pointing it out.

Thanks in advance.

NormaStanleyFletcher Sun 18-May-14 18:45:04

Ashley. Mumsnet is definitely not an adoption agency.

Hth

starlight1234 Sun 18-May-14 18:58:35

I think you have a lot to think about. I bought my Ds up alone and to be honest it was far easier than at the beginning when he was around..We could do things our way.

I think you do need to talk to RL people MW could be a good starting point to decided what is right for you and the babies.

I don't think you have messed up at all but you sound very mixed up about what you want.

Multiple pregnancy groups may be able to give you helpful advise.

I am not sure what your biggest worry is?

weatherall Sun 18-May-14 19:13:47

Have you contacted CAB to find out what tax credits etc you would be entitled to? This may help you to plan the costs of childcare etc.

You should probably have all the information before you make such a huge decision.

QOD Sun 18-May-14 19:57:43

My friend is a mum to a relinquished baby, well she's 8 now, I wish it were more common to be fair.

If you want to relinquish, it's a wonderful wonderful thing to do, if you don't, if you're just panicked about coping, you Will cope! take note of the other suggestions and just follow your heart

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