Advice on how and when to tell my DC...

[OneTwoOrThree]

...that I am adopted. I don't want it to be a big deal for them... I have a wonderful relationship with my parents as do my DC. Perfect, if that isn't too strong a word. Any advice on how / when to tell them would be appreciated. They are 5 and 2. I want them to know - no secrets etc...

[LastingLight]

Maybe look for some children's books about adoption? Our library has a couple. They're mostly aimed at bio dc's who are going to get an adopted sibling but you can use the books to introduce the subject and then tell them your own story.

[MerryInthechelseahotel]

I would drip drip information over the years ie when you see a pregnant woman say "some babies grow in their mummies tummy like you did and live with their mummy(/daddy) forever and other babies grow in one mummies tummy but go to live with another mummy for ever and ever like I did."

[Greyhound]

My mum is adopted and she told me when I was about eight. The subject came up because we were discussing a school friend of mine who was adopted.

I wasn't upset, but I did ask why, how, when etc. She told me that Grannie and Grandpa couldn't have babies so they adopted. I probably asked who my mother's birth parents were but she didn't know that herself.

I would just tell them the truth and answer their questions as they come.

I would recommend telling your family that you have told the children as it is likely the dcs will ask them questions.

[Devora]

Tell them now! Don't make a big deal of it, just include adoption within your 'types of families' chats. They probably won't be very interested to start with, but it will keep coming up naturally and they will get a fuller picture as they grow. Best for these things to have been 'always known', rather than one grand disclosure, I think.

[UnderTheNameOfSanders]

I agree with Devora the younger you tell them the better, then it's no big deal. Tell them before they understand the implications (after all it means their grandparents aren't their bio-grandparents), and then it's just life to them rather than a big revelation.

[Lilka]

I have several pictures of myself and DD1 on one my walls, one taken on the day we finalised, in our nice clothes, and one in introductions

I've picked DGD1 (she's nearly 2) up a couple of times so she can touch the faces and said "look, that's mummy when she was younger! With me, grandma, when mummy came to live with me forever", and "look, that's when I adopted mummy" etc.

That's it for now, just little "drips" about being adopted and forever families, the two girls can pick up on. At some point relatively soon, I'm sure the subject of pregnant ladies will come up or something DD1 can use to broach the idea that grandma didn't give birth to mum. Or maybe GD1 will ask what adopted means.

Either way, no one wants it to be a secret, or a big reveal when they're teenagers. Of course it's DD1 who decides and will continue to decide what she's happy with me saying to the little ones, but we feel the same way about it all which is good. We both feel that if they got to teenagerhood before finding out, they might have formed or internalised a negative opinion of adoption without realising how close it is to them, so it's better that it's just one more fact about the family they always happened to know.

[Italiangreyhound]

Agree with Devora and UnderTheNameOfSanders tell them now. The sooner the better and drip drip drip. And Lilka, of course!... As she says ... so it's better that it's just one more fact about the family they always happened to know.

[cashmiriana]

Long time lurker but do have experience of being the child of an adopted person.

Start now. I have no idea when my DF told me about my GPs adopting him as a baby - it must have been very young because it feels like I have always known. I grew up at a time when 'family' was still very much seen as = mum and dad and DC so it was probably a lot harder for my parents to drop it in to other types of family conversation, compared to now when I think most parents do have the "families come in lots of different shapes and sizes" conversations with their DC (certainly DH and I did with ours.)