contact letter

(15 Posts)
OurMiracle1106 Thu 06-Mar-14 15:46:16

I haven't read the letter yet but for the last 9 months, I have been told by my social worker that I will receive pictures. So today I went to view the pictures and get my letter which they have had for a week or so. And I get there to be told that there are no photos. I was gutted. They then also added on top that in the next week they are applying for the adoption order.

I feel absolutely gutted. Apparently she did try phoning me about half 6 last night but my phone was on voicemail (she tried once) to warn me. I feel having had the letter for over a week and knowing there was no photos she should have tried to contact me sooner.

I feel there is a large lack of communication

TeenAndTween Thu 06-Mar-14 15:57:54

Sorry to hear this.

Maybe the SWs have been spending the week trying to persuade the adopters to supply some photos? Did she give any reason why there weren't any?

It may be that the adopters are feeling insecure and that after the adoption order has been granted they will provide some?

I don't know your back story (unless you have name changed), but the only thing I can suggest is do everything you can to show you won't be any risk to the adoption, and continue to say to the SWs how very very much you would appreciate seeing photos.

OneOfOurLilkasIsMissing Thu 06-Mar-14 16:03:35

I'm so sorry to read this Miracle sad I wish I could give you a real hug, but <<hugs>> for you xx

From everything you've written, I would completely agree with you, SS have not been communicating properly with anyone and it's made things so much more difficult

I am glad you've finally got your letter

Miracle so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug. I hope things will get better and that you will get some photos.

OurMiracle1106 Thu 06-Mar-14 16:36:20

I have name changed. I was "stupidmistakes"

The social worker said they got cold feet about pictures which often Happens and they were aware when they asked for the letter there wouldnt be pictures in it.

Moomoomie Thu 06-Mar-14 16:41:05

I'm sorry to hear this. It does sound like your SW has let you down.
I'm so glad you have your letter though, enjoy that and hopefully there may be photos in the next one.
Is it a two way letterbox contact? Do you plan to write yourself? If you are maybe you could mention it in a letter.

KristinaM Thu 06-Mar-14 16:53:35

I'm so sorry, miracle, of course you are very upset.

Can I ask, is there a written agreement on the contact arrangement? If not I think you should ask for one

KristinaM Thu 06-Mar-14 16:58:37

Have you asked you legal advisor about the possibility of a contact order made under the adoption and children act 2002? I believe these can be made at the point of the adoption order as well as on placement

There is no point in asking SS as they will undoubtedly palm you off on this

Disclaimer - I have no legal qualifications or experience and am not familiar with the adoption law in your country

OurMiracle1106 Thu 06-Mar-14 17:49:11

They have given me the contact agreement today and wanted me to sign it however I decided I wasn't emotionally stable enough to intake the information so have bought it away with me to read and sign. I havenr read it yet. My best friend and I are going to read it tonight after her little girl is in bed.

OurMiracle1106 Thu 06-Mar-14 17:54:41

I haven't asked about Anything to be legally put into place as during the judgement it was said that contact should be twice yearly by letter and the possibility of an open adoption with once a year face to face contact should be explore fully though it should not prevent our son from being placed should potential adopters not be prepared to agree to open adoption.

Choccyjules Thu 06-Mar-14 18:15:11

Hello Miracle
Do you know whether SS have people who deal specifically with contact? We met the lady who does this for our SS and she also works with Birth Parents. She was very kind (I know you are most probably in a different area!) and I wondered whether your SS had anyone like that. Then you don't need to always go through your SW.
I'm sorry to talk about this if they don't have one. In that case I think it's good that your friend is helping you read the contact agreement. We were told that the contact arrangements have to have the child's needs as paramount but that doesn't mean it isn't very important for Birth Parents too.
I really don't see why you can't look at photos. Maybe when you feel a bit stronger you can ask the SW to talk to the prospective adopters again. Explain it from your side.
Anyway, take care smile

GirlsWhoWearGlasses Thu 06-Mar-14 19:53:04

From a new adopters point of view, there may be logical and emotional reasons why they haven't sent photos.

The logical(ish) reason could be that they feel they will only be able to relax when they don't have to worry about their child being recognised in the street or wherever. If they send you a photo, that puts that back to square one.

Emotionally, as adopters you put a huge effort into claiming your child and creating a strong family. They may feel that they are busy making a family and that sending photos somehow lessens their parentness, if that makes any sense?

I do think it's awful that you were led to expect them and then had your hopes dashed. It does sound like that comes back to the SW.

OurMiracle1106 Thu 06-Mar-14 21:49:10

To be fair it's not the not receiving them that's has upset me the most. It's the fact that the letter was written on 16th so for at least two weeks social worker has known and hasn't then told me there isn't any until attempting to the day before at 6.30pm.

I understand there will be reasons as to why however I feel social services haven't been open enough to tell me.

It does sound like you have been misled. I wonder if you could have someone to talk to in the local council, your social worker maybe?

Thinking of you.

OurMiracle1106 Fri 07-Mar-14 20:49:45

I don't actually have a social worker, only my son does, and it was her that managed to mis lead me into thinking I would be getting to see pictures.

The contact agreement also says that I will be given these pictures which I feel is misleading to the adopters as I have been told that I will not be actually getting them

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