When do you know....

(11 Posts)
twirly1 Sun 23-Feb-14 18:25:03

How many profiles did you view before you felt that you had the correct link? What was your SW reaction when your decision was a 'no' on a number of occasions? We have looked at a few profiles now and after a number of days going over each, we have had to (for a number of reasons) say no to any that we have been shown so far. We have found this very difficult and emotionally draining but we feel its so important that we get it right. Please do not think that we have unrealistic expectations, we fully understand what we are taking on but there are just some 'things' that we cannot consider in view of the fact that we already have birth children.
It would be very helpful to hear your matching stories..
many thanks in advance.

crazeekitty Sun 23-Feb-14 18:34:56

Didn't want to read and run. I can't help too much but on our prep course we got given a folder of hard to place children. Maybe 20 or so in total. No-one else on the course expressed an interest in those children and although they felt guilty at the time they have all gone on to have their 'ideal' match.

Equally, although quite a few adopters were shown my dd's profile they all turned her down. I'm sure they felt guilty but I'm glad they didn't follow it up or she wouldn't be here with me now.

twirly1 Sun 23-Feb-14 21:50:17

Thank you for your reply kitty.

bberry Sun 23-Feb-14 23:13:50

I think it's important you stay true to your feelings and always be honest with yourselves, that will lead to the right match which can surely only mean the best result for you and your LO

We actually chose the first and only profile we saw, she is everything and more than we could ever have dreamed of, we went through a neighbouring county LA so they were able to consider us for their own children, our LO had a previous match breakdown on the final day of introductions (they basically called to say they would not be going to pick her up) and I am truly grateful that she was still there for us smile

X

we chose the first profile that we saw but our social worker knew exactly what we were after. She told us about a few and why she had said no. Our lo (when we get him) Had been turned down by others because of his cultural heritage, something that doesn't bother us at all.
We didn't have an overwhelming feeling of love as I know some people have described in the past. He just felt right. like he fitted. We didn't have to think we just knew as soon as we'd read his stuff.

MyFeetAreCold Mon 24-Feb-14 14:51:55

For us there really wasn't a sense of these being 'the ones', it was more an absence of there being anything wrong! (So they had nothing on their profiles that was contrary to what we had already discussed and agreed.)

I can't help with the rest of your question as our DCs were the first profiles we saw.

Bananaketchup Mon 24-Feb-14 20:10:00

I waited over a year between approval and being linked. I said no to a lot of profiles, other profiles I was interested in the SWs said no to me. For a while I did think I was never going to be shown a profile I could say yes to - I felt like my SW hadn't got to know me at all when she was showing me children I said no to.

When I saw my children's profile, it wasn't an instant 'yes', more an absence of 'no'. There was very little information, and the photos were almost indecipherable. It was only when I got more info (and photos you could see were of people!) that they slightly started to seem real to me, and even then I was being very cautious and trying to make sure I wasn't going ahead with the link just because I'd waited so long. So I don't think I ever really had a 'moment', it just kind of came together.

Hels20 Mon 24-Feb-14 20:12:33

I agree with Banana and My Feet - for us it was an absence of things that we would say "no" to.
I liked his smile and there was nothing on the face of his profile that wasn't something we didn't feel we could cope with.

It took us a while - about 8 months after being approved to
come across our child.

I agree with Myfeetarecold, Banana and Hels! My husband said why not, and I agree, why not. As the days have passed I have felt more and more sure they are the right match for us. There was nothing we felt we could not handle and it all looked good but of course we may not know the full story. I do feel I know but the proof of the pudding and all that!

twirly1 Mon 24-Feb-14 22:58:26

thank you so much for all your replies. They have helped to reassure me in both our decision to say 'no' and that 6 months post approval is not unusual. We need to stick to our original criteria with regards to what we can and cannot take on, knowing that the right child is there somewhere. Many thanks again.

flightywoman Sat 01-Mar-14 22:22:39

I agree with the others, at first it was a case of there being nothing that sent us running for the hills! She was the first profile we were given, but our SW so got us she knew what she was looking for, for us. She said that when she read little one's profile with us in mind she got a tingly feeling!

Like Banana, stuff just kept coming together and making more and more sense. And eventually we realised we were claiming her and she was becoming ours.

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