Who supports you between placement and Adoption order?

(24 Posts)
allthingswillpass Tue 18-Feb-14 20:14:19

Hi, it's slightly more complicated as our LO was from another LA.
So, who supports you the adopters through to the end of the court process?
Many Thanks in anticipation.

roadwalker Tue 18-Feb-14 20:18:33

Your own SW and childs SW
We were same LA but a fair distance away so our SW did most visits and liaised with DD's
Childs SW should still visit even if it is a distance, unless things have changed considerably

Middlesexmummy Tue 18-Feb-14 20:20:07

Hi Allwilling
How's things ?
Our social worker left half way through so we had no one really however our dd s social worker who was with her post placement order supported us however do think it's supposed to be the one who did all of your assessments etc

allthingswillpass Tue 18-Feb-14 20:39:38

Thanks, BP has asked for permission to contest and our SW says it's not her problem but that of the placing authority.
Gee thanks!

Middlesexmummy Tue 18-Feb-14 20:49:58

Hi , as you know our s contested as well and did cause a delay but in the end it all worked out , took. 8 months though ... I can't think of any birth parent getting the po overturned to be honest but maybe someone will correct me. . I think the worst that can happen is a delay. . In our situation the court set very tight deadlines for BM to put her case forward which of course she didn't do .... Your sw isn't being very supportive as she should be there to support you however she is right in that the logistics of the case is down to the child s sw in that they attend court and will fight it on behalf of the la

Bananaketchup Tue 18-Feb-14 20:50:43

Technically: my assessing SW is there to support me, LAC SW is still responsible for the DC as they are technically still LAC, and also support the placement by I suppose, supporting me. I was assessed by one LA (not the one I live in) and DCs are from the LA next door (also where I don't live) but in the past those 2 LAs used to be one ( if you're still with me?) so they work quite closely together, so it should all go swimmingly.

In reality: my assessing SW rang while I was driving, so will ring me back tomorrow. That was in November. The LAC SW let me know in passing because I'd emailed her about something else, that their team had had a shake up, she was no longer my DCs SW, and she didn't know who was. 2 weeks later she rang me and asked me if I knew who was their SW now - I didn't, and still don't. What I came to realise pretty much straight after placement was that for me at least, once the DC were placed there was nothing the SW could do that would actually help me. Coming round, drinking my tea and saying 'oh yes all children do that, mine do x and y', I don't find helpful. The help I have is from my friends and my family, SWs really can't offer me anything. Well, except money - I get an adoption allowance, and to be fair that is extremely helpful. But other than that, no.

allthings are you okay? I mean, is there support you would like to be having, which isn't being provided?

Bananaketchup Tue 18-Feb-14 20:52:17

Oh x-post sorry. Not her problem - very helpful! Are you a member of AUK? Their helpline might be able to advise you if SWs are going to be useless?

allthingswillpass Tue 18-Feb-14 21:13:23

Thanks banana and middle
We have asked for absolutely nothing since placement. Just this has come up and a bit of reassurance, advice and moral support would be helpful.
You're right though, friends and family are where the support lies.
In fact it sometimes comes from the most unlikely sources IME XXXX

2old2beamum Tue 18-Feb-14 21:16:07

Wish I could be positive for you but I must be honest the support was nearly non existent except the SW said I was Feeding incorrectly ---she needed a gastrostomy 2 months later and the fact she had poo coming out of her vagina (not a problem) now has a colostomy. Have not seen a SW since 1 month post adoption, thank goodness for Continuing Health Care. We have a saying in this house TYNSO (ThankYouNowSodoff)
Sorry!!

Middlesexmummy Tue 18-Feb-14 21:19:07

I think personally you will get more support from the adoption mumsnetters and their wealth of experience to be honest. . As mentioned I am aware of quite a few BM s who have contested so guess it's part of the process. Our child s sw told us that it would help dd understand in later life that BM really wanted her but circumstances prevented . You say that BM has sought permission so the court haven't agreed?

2old2beamum Tue 18-Feb-14 21:25:15

Agree the best support comes from friends MN and family----in that order!!

allthingswillpass Tue 18-Feb-14 21:30:15

Thanks folks. Sadly I agree too!
2old2 TYNSO priceless!!

OneOfOurLilkasIsMissing Tue 18-Feb-14 22:11:10

All the proceedings with the adoption including "contesting" is all the placing authorities responsibility, because they are the ones who took your LO into care and have responsibilitty for LO

Your own SW and your childs SW should be supporting you with this, and your child's SW should be filling you in with what is going on. Your own SW may not be involved with the court process but should still be a moral support to you!

Know that this is really common . This isn't at all rare, and a large number of BP's will use this last opportunity to object to the adoption. So many adoptive parents are in your position every year. You need to know that the chances of them succeeding would be so vanishingly slight, IMHO you don't need to worry. I can't even think of one case where BP's have got their child back at this stage, with this legal process.

What is happening legally, is that BP's are asking for permission to oppose the making of an adoption order. That's all at this stage, they aren't actually opposing it yet, just asking permission. There's a high likelihood that it's going to fail at this stage, because the judge won't grant them that permission unless they can show they've made changes in their circumstances. Have they really made actual changes to their lives since the placement order was granted? Very unlikely.

In the unlikely event the judge does grant them permission, it then moves on to them actually opposing the making of an adoption order, so more court hearings. I have known this to happen in a few cases with parents I either know irl or read their stories online, yes, BUT still I've not known any birth parents to succeed.

You will be okay. I really appreciate that this is stressful, and worrying for you <<hugs>>

But try to view this as simply a delay in the proceedings. It's the birth parents last chance to object, and a huge number of them do, and the chances of it getting anywhere are vanishingly small.

You can perhaps drag a positive out of it - that your LO's birth parents didn't completely walk off, that they did fight for LO - and maybe LO will appreciate that in the future, and feel less abandonned?

allthingswillpass Wed 19-Feb-14 07:50:55

Thank you oneofour (have noticed missing too)??
It's just stressful, I know there isn't a precedent and it's a +ve for LO but I just want it to be over.
I'll pm you.

OneOfOurLilkasIsMissing Wed 19-Feb-14 13:49:27

Thank you oneofour (have noticed missing too)??

I'm not missing grin I'm just posting less right now, things at home not easy so I'm not on as much

My new name is in homage to a book series, but I didn't realise when I did it, that it would make it look like there are two of me running around MN. Ooops grin

Of course you want it to be over, it IS horrible, but hang on in there x

Hels20 Wed 19-Feb-14 20:23:16

Oh goodness - I didn't realise that Oneofour is the same as Likla. I, too, thought Lilka had gone AWOL (I mean, how dare she when I have just discovered this wonderful site and realised what amazing advice she gives and experience she has.

Allthings - we are putting our application in soon and I am 95% sure the BP will object...thankfully, I have an amazing SW as does my DS...

crazeekitty Wed 19-Feb-14 22:34:14

We have a houseful of sws before ao. Mine (nice, helpful, but admits dd's behaviour is beyond her experience), dd's sw (every four weeks, turns up late, wafts around, dd can do perfect and hilarious impression of her, generally demoralises me), family finder sw (does life story work, nice lady but it's just box ticking) and a variety of others under different headings.

The best support I've had has been from a specialist adoption counsellor.

Bps may contest our ao but the sws said they have never known a successful leave to contest.. often because to do so the bps need legal aid and the benchmark for getting legal aid is so high that they won't get off the starting block.

AUK helpline is pay per minute so just beware. Don't want to replace adoption worries with financial ones.

Barnardos also offer advice.

FamiliesShareGerms Sat 22-Feb-14 04:43:21

As well as SW, you should also be visited by an independent person, so if you aren't getting the right support from the LA, they are the person to tell.

trampstamp Sat 22-Feb-14 11:43:57

Thing is if you ask for to much they may think there is a issue and may want o delay you getting the order

allthingswillpass Sat 22-Feb-14 21:36:49

Should I be worried about this?

http://www.familylawweek.co.uk/site.aspx?i=ed117472

OneOfOurLilkasIsMissing Sat 22-Feb-14 22:16:37

I've read that case and several other recent adoption ones. Yes the judges are identifying real problems and hopefully changes will be made for the better. But I truly don't think it should be any cause for concern for adoptive parents. Hopefully it will make everyone feel more certain that when a placement order is made, it was definitely the right decision. It also shouldn't be a cause for concern for those with children already placed

Note that even in that case with all the changes the mother made in her life, she still didn't succeed in her appeal. The only success I can find where the child actually left their adoptive parents, was an appeal against the original placement order which succeeded (the authority had placed the child with adopters after the mother filed her appeal, which shouldn't have happened). But that was completely different, it doesn't affect you, because you're passed that stage and your LO's birth mother is appealing the making of an adoption order, not the placement order. But that was the only success I could find. Can't find a single case where the birth parents have appealed the making of adoption orders, and succeeded

So my humble opinion is that you don't need to worry

And also - know yourself and look after yourself. If you are the kind of person who is reassured by reading around, then do it. But if you aren't, and reading up on it all tends to worry you, then be kind to yourself and resist the urge to do it

I'm sure it will be okay, I know no one can stand here and give guaruntees but I can't imagine anything will come of this

I'm sorry I haven't answered your PM yet, I will get on it as soon as possible

Hang on in there x

allthingswillpass Sat 22-Feb-14 22:23:15

lil you're fab.
Just the tonic.
Thank you.
No worries about pm x

MrsDeVere Sat 22-Feb-14 22:33:26

Hi allthings our BM applied to contest even though she had asked us to have the baby (she is related to us).
I know its really, really stressful but there is a school of thought that it is a necessary process for the bps to go through so they can say they fought for their child. Even if they haven't complied or cooperated throughout the rest of the process.

She changed her mind at the last minute as many bp do when they realise its not going to get them anywhere.

Its a difficult time for everybody.

I don't know any statistics but as I recall its very common flowers

allthingswillpass Sun 23-Feb-14 08:34:56

Thank you MrsD
Have had a couple of reassuring chats with SW's (not ours)! And am feeling more optimistic.

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