Bio half-siblings

(7 Posts)
LastingLight Mon 17-Feb-14 09:54:38

DH was married to DD's BM but he is not her bio father. She has never met bio father. BM died when DD was 2. DH and I adopted her together.

Bio granny told me that the bio father has (at least) 2 other children. I think DD has the right to know that she has bio half-siblings, but the question is at what age should she be told. A while ago she went through a phase of talking about bio father, we told her that when she is 18 we will help her find him if that is what she wants to do. When we were going through the (contested) adoption process our lawyers tried to find him and couldn't.

DD is 11.

Devora Mon 17-Feb-14 12:37:47

I would tell her now. The longer you leave it, the greater the chance of her finding out (probably mid teen rebellion). I think she may justifiably feel that she has a right to know.

I agree with Devora. As soon as you can in a calm way. Good luck.

Chopstheduck Mon 17-Feb-14 14:14:25

Would you let her make contact with the siblings? I can't help but wonder, if you tell her there are siblings too and not allow her to make contact, if she is just going to feel resentful?

I think it is pretty common at that age to start to wonder. My dd did the same, and made contact with some of her bio dad's family, mostly cousins. We said the same thing, that it was up to her when she was older if she wanted to try to contact her dad. She seemed quite happy though once she had started chatting to her cousins. I think it took all the mystery out of it, and she is less interested in contacting her bio dad now.

LastingLight Mon 17-Feb-14 15:41:29

We would have no idea how to contact the siblings other than through the bio father, if we can locate him. Also he was married at the time DD was conceived (but not to her BM), so it's tricky because of the impact it could have on other people's lives.

TeenAndTween Mon 17-Feb-14 17:22:31

I agree, better to tell her soon. She may not be at all bothered, but could be rightly cross if you kept it from her.

Meerka Sun 23-Feb-14 19:11:57

I think tell her now too. She may be desperately curious, but it will be easier for her to take it in and come to terms with it than later on. Later on she may justifiably say "you knew all this time and didn't tell me!"

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