Anyone in West Sussex

[craftycreator]

Hello

I am new to all this, but I have been having a look and you seem like a lovely bunch and I would welcome some help, advice and anything other useful bits of information you wish to pass on :)

So far all I have done is register my interest with my LA, West Sussex. I am at the moment just wandering if there is anyone else in this area, and if you went with this LA or if you choose another or in fact a VA.

Thank You in advance

CC

[AdoptionDaddy]

Hello we're in West Sussex! Arundel/Littlehampton to be precise. We're only just about to register our interest! Very excited

[craftycreator]

Hello There

Who are you registering your interest with? With WS LA? We are in Yapton :D so very close.

[AdoptionDaddy]

With LA (I don't even know what WS stands for but I gather it's an agency? We are a young same sex couple looking to adopt - very excited to start the process. But also almost too nervous to start!

Yes, Yapton is very close! What are you (ideally) looking for in your potential adopted child?

[craftycreator]

WS = West Sussex :-)

I am waiting to hear back from LA after filling in the online form. I too was nervous, now I just want to hear back and eager to move forward. We are a heterosexual married couple.

I am unable to conceive naturally and have previously tried for 8 or so years with failed assistance. Its been 3 years since then and now feel ready to take the next step into creating a family through adoption.

We are 30 (me) and 36 (hubby). In the form I said 0-3 either sex. Although this isn't set in stone, upon further investigation and thought I think I would up the age to 5 and possibly beyond for the right match. We only at present have 1 spare bedroom but would consider a sibling group of the same gender if they could share. But not sure what the rulings are to adopted siblings sharing.

What about yourselves?

[AdoptionDaddy]

From what I've read siblings can share a room as long as it's not deemed inappropriate - I expect that applies more to older children/teens sharing. I expect they wouldn't have a problem with innocent young children!

We are getting married in March - I'm 21 and my partner is 26. We're quite young, but then so are you! Our ideal would be a boy (at first) and in the age bracket 0-5 as well. Ideally the younger the better, as we would love (like most adopters) to have a baby as our first child. I just want that experience! We do have a surrogate lined up but on further thoughts we thought it would irresponsible for us to bring another child into a world where there's so many which need a safe, loving family. So we're deciding genetics aren't important, family is.

We only have one spare room also - but want a single child first, not siblings. We would definitely want to adopt again (2-3 children in total eventually). Just be careful - from what I've been reading, it's VERY common for people to suffer with Post Adoption Depression when adopting sibling groups. Apparently the first year is absolute hell, but usually fine after that!

It's lovely you've decided to adopt - shame the traditional method didn't work. But you will be blessed with a lovely child who needs you in the near future!

[craftycreator]

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. Exciting times all round :-)

Yes your right the younger the better for a first adoption but realistically this may not be the Case and we are as prepared at this stage as we are going to be and are going in with our eyes wide open. I think we will have some hurdles to overcome at the very start but at least if we know what needs working on we can pit those wheels in motion sooner rather than later.

Do you know anyone who has adopted? We dont this is completely new territory for us :-O and we are both apprehensive but excited.

How does your partner feel about all this? My husband wants this too (we talked a lot about it before getting this far) but I am the driving force as such, contacting the LAs and VAs, looking on here etc.

What about work etc if things go well?

[AdoptionDaddy]

I don't know anyone no - I wish! It's so new to us, just been watching a lot of information online and reading ALOT on the internet. It's hard to find gay related adoption information, or a lot of it as only 3% of adoptions are with gay families. The majority of people who adopt (90%) are straight, which was a little shocking to me that we only account for 3%!

We would obviously be open to expanding our guidelines of what we want but in an ideal world that would the criteria. My partner is very excited and up to it! It was mainly his idea about pushing the adoption as appose to using our surrogate, and I'm so glad he turned me on to the idea!

I'm very much the same, I'm the one who will be doing it all, and the paperwork. My partner works 75 hours a week on average. Very busy! I don't need to work luckily so I'll be a stay at home dad, and we both agreed that's in the childs best interest too.

What about yourself, work wise?

[craftycreator]

Hello, sorry I seemingly disappeared. I craft a lot and have had some orders which needed finishing this weekend, as i have a full time job too.

I know one couple who have adopted but the father has admitted that its not right for him and then add into the mix they have just had their own biological child too, so not sure I can really speak to them. I have spent hours on the internet too not sure if I am doing more harm than good lol. There are some real horror stories if you look hard enough!

Wow 3% for gay adoptions that's shockingly low!

Wow i'm jealous you don't need to work ;) I currently work Mon to Fri office hours but I would be taking a year (at minimum) off and with the thought process that I would be lowering my hours until the child is at school, My hubby works shifts works too so it would be very rare for the child to be in nursery for more than about 4 hours a day, but that's way down the line, and of course if were lucky enough to be parents.

CC

[HappySunflower]

Hello, I'm in WS :) I adopted my daughter a few years ago now but would love to be in contact with other local adopters.
Depending on exactly where you are, I know of a local group for adopters that takes place every month...feel free to PM me!

[AdoptionDaddy]

haha not a problem, what a lovely thing to do on the side though! Would be fun to do with your child! Oh really so they've adopted but the father hasn't really wanted it!? Goodness, at least the child will have a loving mother I suppose.

It would be nice to have that time off, bond and be a mother! Plus all the money you'd save on nursery fees!


@HappySunflower Our locations are just in our previous messages above. How lucky you've managed to adopt already!

[craftycreator]

He loves the boys (siblings) but says its much harder than he ever anticipated and would not do it again. He said having a sibling group was incredibly hard.

I def plan on taking as much time as finances allow but a minimum of a year. Oh yes nursery fees :-O they are way OTT! I may consider becoming a nanny with the rates you can get! (Joking of course).

Do you work at the moment?

CC

[AdoptionDaddy]

No I don't - in fact can get a bit boring! But I spend a lot of my time researching adoption and reading forums. I seem to be awake lately about 18 hours a day! Can't shut off - I've been told to read the book "No Matter What by Sally Donovan". I looked at it on Amazon, read the first few pages (in the "look inside function" and was hooked & bought it. Really opens your eyes as potential adopters! It based on a REAL adoption story by an English family, it looks to be an incredible and harrowing/truthful read!

Here it is: www.amazon.co.uk/No-Matter-What-Adoptive-Familys/dp/1849054312?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21 read the first 4 pages! (Chapter 1)

The nursery my friend works at is over £60 a day! It's a joke.

[craftycreator]

Oh man I am def jealous of the not working!

I ordered that book tonight :-D looking forward to it arriving.

Childcare although required is extortionate. No wonder parents can't justify working!

[AdoptionDaddy]

I ordered it yesterday or the day before - REALLY looking forward to it coming. I think i should be here tomorrow! I have to say it's nice not to work, but at the same time it would be nice to have a part time job I expect. I think it will in fact be cheaper for us both not to work and stay with the children through that period of their life.

Childcare is unbelievably expensive - it really would be better to stay at home with them.

At least you can work and save now whilst you're planning and starting the process! That'll be really nice

I wonder how long the whole process will take, I've heard it can be even less than a year, but in some cases I've read it took them 2+!

[Hels20]

adoption Daddy - the process of getting approved should be about 6 months - but it may take a while to find the right child - that is where the waiting for us was. Also - once you find a match- it takes about 3 to 4 months for the match to be approved at panel (you have to go to panel twice - once for approval as an adopter, once for approval with the child.

[JammieMummy]

Hello

I live slightly out of your area (surrey) and we have adopted 2 but not together. Our DD came at 20 months then BM had our son who came at 14 months so it has been all go here!

Wanted to say to adoption daddy that there were 3 same sex couple on our adoption course, 2 male and 1 female. All looking for different types of children and all have children placed with them now. One pair are in a similar position to us, hade their DD placed then her little sister. I don't think gay adoption it is as rare as it once was. We know quite a few couples who are fantastic (very tired) daddy's!

[sweetassugarhardasnails]

Hi,
I'm about to register my interest in becoming an adopter. I'm very close to crafty i'm in Barnham. My husband and I have 2 birth children and are torn whether to adopt a single child or siblings. I come at it from a slightly different place as Im currently a 3rd year social work student.

[craftycreator]

Hi Sweetassugar

We went with Portsmouth in the end West Sussex stated they would not take us because if our weight. But we have been to the information session and now just awaiting our initial home visit at the end of the month. If you want to keep in touch about your journey then that would be lovely.

I would have loved a sibling group but as we only have one spare room this wasn't an option for us. What is standing in your way to making that decision?

Crafty xx

[sweetassugarhardasnails]

Because we already have 2 birth children we're not sure if then having 4 or 5 children would be too much. We also have a bit of debt to clear, that we've racked up whilst i've been at uni

[craftycreator]

Yes I can the quandary.

How old are your BC?

We have debt too buts being managed well and they will be able to see this. Do you have the space for that many children as they have said to us everyone (apart from parents) will need individual rooms.

[craftycreator]

That was supposed to read, I can understand your quandary sorry xx

[sweetassugarhardasnails]

I have a dd who is nearly 8 and a ds who is 4.

This is where my waiting to register comes from I finish my degree in May so we're waiting to move till then and we're trying to work out if we could afford a 5 bedroom property.

[craftycreator]

Oh right okay. Well good luck with the course :)

Re bedrooms that makes sense and waiting till you've finished will be easier too.

You do have lots to consider:) Not eing negative just that we dont have any BC to think about and no studying lol.

Its hard to make these decisions and the longer you mull it over the more likely you are to kjow the answer.

I cant believe I am going to say this but when a decision needs making which I am struggling with I flip a coin because I know in the few moments in the air what I want it to land on and its irrespective what it lands on because the decision in my heart and mind is made. Does that make sense? ( obviously there are things you shouldn't do this with but its about realising what you maybe suppressing).

CC xxx

[sweetassugarhardasnails]

Makes complete sense thank you

[craftycreator]

Really are you sure?....... Most people think I talk utter nonsense