Advice wanted from any adopters in SE London

[Squigglypig]

Hi there

My husband and I have made a positive decision to look at adoption in the new year. We have a DD who is now 3 and have been ttc for a couple of years but it's just doesn't seem to be happening for us this time around. We always said before we had DD that if it didn't work out we'd look at adoption - IVF does not appeal at all to us.

Anyway, we live in Lewisham so I was going to contact the Council but a friend has informed me that we can't adopt from within the borough - which I guess makes sense.

So basically I'm looking at other's experiences of other London boroughs adoption services teams, and any recommendations or tips about getting started?

Thanks

[Devora]

Squiggly, you want an agency that is within an hour's travel, that is efficient, and above all that wants you. If your family is of a particular ethnic heritage, you might also want to target authorities who are likely to cover a population that represents that heritage.

And then you need to ask for recommendations! I'm not sure about SE London but I think I've heard that Greenwich is pretty good. I've also heard good things about Kensington & Chelsea, Richmond, Hammersmith & Fulham. I adopted through Ealing and they were excellent.

You can check out Ofsted reports of all the agencies online.

When you've got a shortlist, ring them all. How nice they are to you on the phone, and how quickly they respond, will tell you loads.

[ringo71]

Hey Squigglypig

We have adopted DD1 & 2 thorugh Greenwich and also live in that borough. They were adopted separately but are birth siblings. Greenwich have been great and I cannot recommend them enough. Msg me if you have any other questions.

[booksshoescats]

Hi there Squiggly - we live in Lewisham too, and looked into adoption very seriously last year. We are not in a position to move forward at the moment, but after calling around 10 LAs we narrowed it down to two that seemed most suitable for us, and met with a wonderful SW called Jane Tilton from Southwark. If and when we are in a position to take things further in the next few years, we will go straight back to her. Hope that's useful for you.

[booksshoescats]

I should add that we are both white - this is relevant, as a few boroughs (Islington in particularly) made it explicitly clear that non-mixed couples would always be bottom of the list both for approval and matching.

We also have a young DD and Jane was very encouraging and said that based on the conversation we'd had, if we wanted to take things further once our DD was 5 (she recommended her being settled at school first, and the potential age gap would give us a broader range for approval) she would send someone straight round without hesitation (i.e. she wouldn't expect us to attend an adoption evening, as we'd been to one in Lewisham a few years earlier, and I have done a LOT of research - not that that makes up for experience, but YKWIM).

[slkk]

Just been approved by Wandsworth. They were great.

[junowiththegladrags]

We were with Brent and can't complain.

The only tip I have is be prepared for a long chat when you ring to make even initial enquiries. I had assumed it'd just be a quick name, address we'll send you a form chat. What I got was a three quarter of an hour mini assessment.

Best of luck.

[Squigglypig]

Thanks very much for all your advice. We're booked to attend an information session at Greenwich next week, which ia exciting/scary.

TBH we were watching the programme "Finding mum and Dad"and it made us think that actually it would be better for us as a family if we waited until our DD was a bit older. She's 3.5 and still pretty demanding whereas if we waited until she is at school then hopefully she'll just be that more independent plus I'll have more time while I'm on adoption leave and DD is at school to have one on one time with any new child to work at building a bond.

Also at moment if we ask DD if she wants a brother or sister we always get a flat "No"!!! (She obvs knows which side her bread is buttered) - hopefully she'll see benefits as her friends' little brothers and sisters get more fun.

[Squigglypig]

So just like you Bootsshoescats

[Hels20]

It can take a while - it took us 2.5 years to
Bring home a child after first going to an adoption event evening. The approval process didn't take too long but actually finding the right match did...

You don't have to take the first child your SW suggests. We didn't (which I guess puts us in the "bad" adopters bracket!!!)

[Hels20]

Ps and once you find your match - DC won't move in the next day. For us it took 4 months - which isn't unusual from what I gather!

So I strongly strongly doubt you will have a child with you before your little one starts school!

[Squigglypig]

Arrghh, so much to think about. We'll see how we feel after the information event. Hopefully that may clarify things for us.