Pre-Christmas Support Thread, Mark II

(36 Posts)
Lilka Wed 11-Dec-13 21:44:29

For anyone that needs a vent. Christmas support thread mark I was last years joyous thread for anyone who wasn't around then! This is the thread to get christmas support on, whether you are struggling with the 'festive' season because you don't you don't have DC yet, or because your DC have issues with christmas, or because it's just stressful for ANY reason

Yesterday I caught DD trying to take all her remaining advent calendar presents and open them. She had a lovely tantrum when I told her that she had to wait until the right day. I wonder why I do advent every year sometimes! Still, better than the first year when I tried putting chocolate in the pockets (I have one of those fabric ones with pockets you buy presents for yourself) and she came down in the night on the second day and took the lot shock

Today she's whining because I told her that no, she can't have cosmetic surgery for Christmas!!!!! She wants elf ears like this lady has

"Whyyyyy nooot, you're meaaaannn" she's saying

Also, her Bestest Mummy (BM) says elf ears would look really great on her, which means that only Awful Mummy (AM) is standing in her way of her impulsive desire for beautiful ears.... that and the fact that seventeen year olds can't have cosmetic surgery and it can't be done in time for christmas and what kind of reputable surgeon would operate on a child like DD But if BM says elf ears are awesome, that's all that matters

Christmas PTSD triggers are everywhere and unlike in September and October when christmas starts nowadays, now they are totally unavoidable

Also my house is a tip and I'm going to struggle to get presents delivered in time for christmas cause I've left the shopping too late AGAIN

Please someone come and tell me that they also haven't done a speck of cleaning, that the present shopping is not going well, and that their DC are asking for cars, 'the moon' and other stuff they can definitely have at the age of 3/6/10/15 hmm

Moomoomie Sat 14-Dec-13 16:00:53

Oh dear Lilka, how awful for you to have to deal with that.
BM will never understand or put your daughters needs first, she never did and never will.
Only you will do that, you are doi ng the best for dd, and hopefully one day she will realise this.
Thought, prayers and hugs to you along with brew thanks and cake

Lilka Sat 14-Dec-13 16:50:18

Thank you both thanks smile

I am having myself a brew right now, sadly I feel it's too early for wine yet!

You are right - She just isn't able to understand DD's complex needs, she never was, she never will be able to, and if she had ever had that level of insight, she might have been able to parent her (and her 11 other children as well)

I can deal with her not having that understanding in many ways, and even now I am sad for her and I DO have compassion for her. What I struggle to deal with is her actions, and her trying to do things that will harm DD. I wasn't there years ago when DD was being hurt, and when you adopt your child you want to protect them from ever being harmed again (I'm sure all the AP's here have felt that strongly). I looked at my little 8 year old sleeping and promised myself that I wouldn't ever let her be abused or hurt like that again. And yet this year I've seen my DD falling apart, going through so much, even being hospitalised in June...I've actually been powerless to stop DD getting hurt...and that's been the hardest thing of all really

MyFeetAreCold Sat 14-Dec-13 17:46:59

I'm sure you don't feel it but you are protecting her still. You are making her life immeasurably better.

This is probably a silly question, but I don't suppose there's any professional support available..?

Moomoomie Sat 14-Dec-13 19:40:41

Lilka..... I would really like to buy you a proper glass of wine (and a new toothbrush) maybe one day I will have that pleasure, but for nowwine will have to suffice.
You are such a support to so many people on here and probably in real life too.

TrinnyandSatsuma Sat 14-Dec-13 21:38:33

Lilka, I'm a novice at this, so can't offer advice, but wanted to offer support and a hug.

x

Lilka Sat 14-Dec-13 23:53:00

thanks thanks

I've had my wine now, and I'm off to bed. You are all a support to me, it doesn't matter that you have no experience, the kind words are so appreciated

RationalThought Sat 14-Dec-13 23:56:41

Lilka - It's a horrible feeling to know that we can't always protect our DC, however much we love and care from them sad. However, you are an inspiration and a great support to so many of us here and I'm sure you'll find the least worst best way to cope.

Having got through matching panel this week, but with introduction not starting until the new year, we're finding it really hard to focus on Christmas this year. We will have to do it for the rest of our (mainly grown up) children, but there will still be a big hole there. Can't help wondering what our DC is up to every day.

Meita Sun 15-Dec-13 11:06:02

It's the unknown that is bugging me. If this were the 'last Christmas with 3 of us', I feel we would be able to celebrate it in a special way. But thing is, it might well be that there will still be 3 of us next Christmas. In which case we would likely celebrate THAT Christmas as the 'last with 3 of us'. Whereas we might be bringing home a new little one sometime in the second half of 2014, which would totally change our Christmas plans (no travelling abroad to see family); so it feels a shame NOT to celebrate this Christmas in some special way. Gah.

Very minor problem compared to some! Lilka, I'm totally angry at your DD's 'bestest' mum, for sabotaging everything. But I agree with MyFeetAreCold - imagine her (your DD2) going through the upheaval of being a teenager WITHOUT you at her side. You are doing a great job and making a huge difference to her life. Maybe she will come to recognise it at some point. And if not, at least (most) everyone on here does ;)

prumarth Sun 15-Dec-13 11:13:11

Lilka, firstly I hope you had a nice, large glass of wine last night! I just wanted to add my support here also. You are and continue to do something amazing for all your kids and even if you can't always stop your daughter being affected or influenced negatively by her bm, you are giving your daughter a safe and healthy environment to grow in. No matter how rocky things things get for her the fact you are a point of safety is your gift to her and your other children. That makes her truely YOUR daughter in every sense of the definition.

Lilka Mon 16-Dec-13 16:29:56

Thanks all thanks

Meita the unknowns are such a hard part of this whole process. I can't say what you should do, but I hope you find the way to celebrate that feels best for you

Well, DS and DD2 coming home has put a stop to it, but today I have been present wrapping and cleaning shock !!! The bathroom is blitzed, the hall and landing are spick and span

Now I've really earned some wine Very proud of myself grin

<I also had a peek in DD2's room but made a very hasty retreat> !

Those with DC on this thread, when are they breaking up from school?

Moomoomie Mon 16-Dec-13 17:18:14

My three are breaking up on Friday, the older two at lunchtime, so I am taking them to an ice cream parlour for what has become a end of term tradition. Scrummy ice cream.
Dd3 finishes at normal time Friday, so we have a couple of hours without her demands!
I'm hoping next weekend is not as stressful as the one just gone.
Dd2 bedroom is often a no go area, unless I want to find socks, hers are always thrown around her room.
I will be partaking in my December tipple of a snowball this evening, anybody want one?

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