Adopting a child I know

(18 Posts)
2old2beamum Sun 29-Dec-13 10:40:39

I was at the delivery of our eldest adopted son DS and looked after him when he was in special care. I was appalled when his parents said they did not want him and to cut a long story short we adopted him when he was 11 months old
The biggest problem was I knew him and the SW did not and they found it difficult to get their heads around it!
As misspollysdolly said it can be done
Good luck.

Our eldest DD (and only adopted child - we have also had three birth children) who is 14 was a patient of mine at the hospital where I worked. I was a key worker with her. It can be done. It won't be an easy ride and this kind of adoption - I believe - has it's own particular challenges. Please ask questions if you think I can help. MPD

bugoven Mon 23-Dec-13 04:18:22

I am in a similar situation where I work at the school, know the child (9), their younger sibling (<2) and care. I am aware that if a home is not found for both children within 6 months they will be adopted separately.
I would so love to adopt them both but as their biological mum lives locally it wouldn't be safe for them even of the LA would consider me.
Then there's the minor issue convincing my OH. We have been TTC for over 2 years, mc September and for me adoption has always been my preferred choice for starting a family but not his.

Good luck OP

MiaWallace Thu 05-Dec-13 05:41:42

Thank you to everyone who has posted.

NanaNina I really appreciate all the information you have posted.

It is something I am going to consider and discuss with DH in detail before making any further decisions.

NanaNina Wed 04-Dec-13 23:41:34

Sorry I've duplicated my post!

NanaNina Wed 04-Dec-13 23:41:06

Firstly are you absolutely certain that the LA social services are seeking a permanent home for this child. Not all children in short term foster care will need permanent homes, as some will return to their own families. If the child does need a permanent home the LA have a duty to find out if there is anyone in the extended family who could care for the child on a permanent basis. Dependent upon the age of the child and the particular behaviour problems she has, even if an adoptive family is not found, there is no guarantee that a permanent foster family will be found.

I don't know the age of the child, nor the age of your own children (if you have any) but as I'm sure you know, this is not a decision that you can make lightly. It would be very different to have a challenging child 24/7 than seeing her for a few hours in the school day. There are many children who are awaiting permanent homes, and I wonder if you have thought of adopting before, or whether the thought has only arisen because of this child.

You would need to contact the LA and speak with the social worker who has case responsibility for the child. Much will depend on your own circumstances and you will need to attend an Adoption preparation course (usually run for one evening a week for about 6 weeks) if the LA think that you are someone who could possibly give this child a permanent home. After than if you still want to go ahead, you will have to undergo a comprehensive "homestudy" where an adoption social worker would look at your own childhoods, your parenting capacity (if you have children) your marriage/partnership, lifestyle, employment etc. When that is complete your application is presented to the LA Adoption Panel (which is a multi disciplinary panel) and if approved, you then wait for a suitable "match."

It is unusual for applicants to be considered for a specific child but not beyond the realms of possibility. I don't think the LA would be in a position to let you know the details of the child's background and reasons for being in the care of the LA until after you have been approved by the Adoption Panel, as they are bound by confidentiality.

I would urge you to really consider this "offer" - all children awaiting adoption are going to be to a greater or lesser extent challenging because of their pre placement experiences and many people first considering adoption think that if you love the child and give them a good home all will be well, but sadly this is often not the case. These children have learned that adults are not to be trusted and so will not necessarily settle into a new family. Adopters need to understand that dependent upon the extent of the abuse or neglect that the child has suffered, they are in for a "long haul" of being tolerant and patient and resilient in caring for these emotionally damaged children.

All of this will be discussed at the preparation group. I'm not sure if you are a teacher or a TA. I don't think the issue of the child being in the same school is a problem but obviously if you do adopt this child, you could not also be her teacher or TA.

Hope I haven't put you off, but I'm just being realistic.

NanaNina Wed 04-Dec-13 23:39:52

Firstly are you absolutely certain that the LA social services are seeking a permanent home for this child. Not all children in short term foster care will need permanent homes, as some will return to their own families. If the child does need a permanent home the LA have a duty to find out if there is anyone in the extended family who could care for the child on a permanent basis. Dependent upon the age of the child and the particular behaviour problems she has, even if an adoptive family is not found, there is no guarantee that a permanent foster family will be found.

I don't know the age of the child, nor the age of your own children (if you have any) but as I'm sure you know, this is not a decision that you can make lightly. It would be very different to have a challenging child 24/7 than seeing her for a few hours in the school day. There are many children who are awaiting permanent homes, and I wonder if you have thought of adopting before, or whether the thought has only arisen because of this child.

You would need to contact the LA and speak with the social worker who has case responsibility for the child. Much will depend on your own circumstances and you will need to attend an Adoption preparation course (usually run for one evening a week for about 6 weeks) if the LA think that you are someone who could possibly give this child a permanent home. After than if you still want to go ahead, you will have to undergo a comprehensive "homestudy" where an adoption social worker would look at your own childhoods, your parenting capacity (if you have children) your marriage/partnership, lifestyle, employment etc. When that is complete your application is presented to the LA Adoption Panel (which is a multi disciplinary panel) and if approved, you then wait for a suitable "match."

It is unusual for applicants to be considered for a specific child but not beyond the realms of possibility. I don't think the LA would be in a position to let you know the details of the child's background and reasons for being in the care of the LA until after you have been approved by the Adoption Panel, as they are bound by confidentiality.

I would urge you to really consider this "offer" - all children awaiting adoption are going to be to a greater or lesser extent challenging because of their pre placement experiences and many people first considering adoption think that if you love the child and give them a good home all will be well, but sadly this is often not the case. These children have learned that adults are not to be trusted and so will not necessarily settle into a new family. Adopters need to understand that dependent upon the extent of the abuse or neglect that the child has suffered, they are in for a "long haul" of being tolerant and patient and resilient in caring for these emotionally damaged children.

All of this will be discussed at the preparation group. I'm not sure if you are a teacher or a TA. I don't think the issue of the child being in the same school is a problem but obviously if you do adopt this child, you could not also be her teacher or TA.

Hope I haven't put you off, but I'm just being realistic.

Lilka Wed 04-Dec-13 23:21:15

Best of luck, hope it goes well

Moomoomie Wed 04-Dec-13 22:20:28

I spoke at a prep group once, one couple there where being assessed to adopt a child who was a school friend of their daughter, as far as I know it all went through well
This was many years ago now, not sure if things have changed for the better or worse.
Good lick and keep us posted please.

Devora Wed 04-Dec-13 22:01:17

Let us know how you get on, and good luck.

onedev Wed 04-Dec-13 21:25:03

Good luck - hope it goes well.

Wolfiefan Wed 04-Dec-13 20:42:51

I had a neighbour who adopted a child known to their family. Can certainly be done.

lunar1 Wed 04-Dec-13 20:36:44

Just wanted to wish you luck too.

AngryBuddha Wed 04-Dec-13 20:32:06

I have no knowledge to share but want to wish you good luck.

roadwalker Wed 04-Dec-13 20:18:34

Give them a ring
It has been done and the assessment is done quickly now
It could be a good outcome for everyone
Do you know the FC or which LA she is fostering through?
Good luck

MiaWallace Wed 04-Dec-13 20:14:52

This child is definitely challenging and because of her age SS has already said that if she is not adopted within the next 12 months they believe her future is in long time foster care.

roadwalker Wed 04-Dec-13 20:12:48

I met an adopter who did this
She knew the FC and the child and she asked to be assessed for that particular child
I think it helped that the child was challenging and not going to be easy to place

MiaWallace Wed 04-Dec-13 20:06:58

I work in a school and there is a little girl who is in temporary foster care.

I have spoken to DH today about the possibility of us adopting her.

He is really keen but I don't know the next steps.

Will I be allowed to adopt a child I already know?

If it did happen would she be able to stay in the school I work in?

I know I sound very naïve and rose tinted glasses about it all but I want to at least find out about the possibilities of it.

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