My gorgeous DS is with his "forever family"

(93 Posts)
StupidMistakes Fri 08-Nov-13 20:56:39

My gorgeous ds aged three is with his forever family and has been for sometime now, I have had to fight to get to meet his new family, but finally a date for early has been made, my issue however is that I still don't know if I am allowed to take anyone for support. The adopters have their social worker present as well as each other, my ds has his social worker but obviously he wont be present and I, well I have asked to take either my best friend or a solicitor to the meeting as I feel that I am the only one without any support, and I don't want to miss anything, I know this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I have fought so hard to get to meet them, they have also asked for a picture of me with the adopters for his life story book. I don't really know what to expect at the meeting and wondered if anyone had any experience?

TIA

Spychic Wed 18-Dec-13 12:03:38

First time I've cried reading a thread. So glad your meeting went well. You are a strong, courageous and loving person.I hope you get the happiness you deservein future.

weregoingtothezoo Wed 18-Dec-13 11:45:44

I'm so glad I've found your thread. You've done something motivated by such great love. I did the same but only after a lot of pressure from Social Services who made promises that weren't true. I'm so glad you met your son's adopters and I really hope you find peace within yourself.

RoseHoney Tue 17-Dec-13 13:51:59

I am sobbing reading this.
Bless your heart, you've made a very brave decision and I hope the counselling helps you and you can come to terms with the situation soon and find some peace.
Xx

Fairy1303 Mon 16-Dec-13 16:17:21

You are so brave and I am in tears reading. I hope you find the support you need on here and in RL. Xx

DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts Sat 07-Dec-13 23:47:03

Youre a very brave person who has done a good thing. Well done.

Can you get more councelling from your gp?

thenamestheyareachanging Sat 07-Dec-13 21:37:09

OP, I'm so, so sorry. This is a truly tragic story - you should have been supported to look after your son, as you obviously love him with all your heart. I have cried buckets reading this thread, and I've never cried over a mn thread before.

Your ds will know how much you love him, to have done this for him, and to have put his interests first when your heart is breaking.

Bakerof3pudsxx Fri 06-Dec-13 07:39:33

Op you are so brave

I don't think I could have done this I would have fallen apart

StupidMistakes Fri 06-Dec-13 07:31:32

I have been attending adoption counseling which was offered by social services. Unfortunately these are my last sessions. They fund 6 at a time and so far I've had 13 sessions. They are funding 5 more and will nor fund any further. It's taken 10 weeks of fighting to get these 6 sessions. It feels a little like I'm pushed aside. They argue it's not in the child's interest to fund it however surely my emotional health is in ds's interest so I can maintain contact with him and when he does want to find me be in a better place.

OP, I think we met on a previous thread, which you started.

Well done.

TheZeeTeam Thu 05-Dec-13 01:23:08

OP, I read your thread originally on Saturday, and can honestly say I have never read a thread that made me well up as much as this one (which was a bit unfortunate as I was reading it in a launderette as my washer is broken!!). You have been astonishingly honest and brave, imo.

I'm so glad that the meeting went as well as it could and, hopefully, you can start to find some form of closure, for want of a better word. That one is particularly wanky.

Being a "good mum" means so many things to so many people but I think putting your child's true needs so far over your own, and making the biggest of sacrifices to let him have a better life, really does make you a bloody great mum and I really, truly admire you for that.

Good luck with your future and you definitely should start putting yourself first now and I hope you get the recovery and peace you deserve. Be kind to yourself.

Sorry if this was a bit long and blah blush

Lilka Wed 04-Dec-13 23:26:34

I'm so glad the meeting went well, and completely agree with Kew - having met the real you, your sons parents will be able to talk not about an abstract figure, but a real person they've met, and I hope that will really benefit your son as he grows older. That's a gift I also got from my meeting/s with DD2 and DS birth mum

I also admire your strength and hope that you will get comfort in the future from having met the parents and them not being abstract figures, but known to you in some way

Moomoomie Wed 04-Dec-13 18:58:32

Have just read this thread with so much admiration for you. You have put your son first in all of this and faced it with such strength.
It really will help your ds as he gets older to know that his new mum and dad met you and spoke to you.
Unfortunately we did not meet our girls birth mum, something I will always regret as sadly she died last year, so we will never meet.
Take care of yourself and I really do hope that next year will be a good one for you.

StupidMistakes Wed 04-Dec-13 18:41:23

I am glad I did it, for me and for DS. Today I went and spent some money on myself, bought myself some new jeans, which were needed cos my exisiting ones are too loose and keep falling down and a new top which cost me a fiver, not really needed but nice to treat myself once in a while. My housemates been home all day keeping me busy.

KristinaM Wed 04-Dec-13 17:50:24

What kewcumber said

Kewcumber Wed 04-Dec-13 11:34:09

I'm glad you got through it and feel at least that your son is being loved and cared for. I expect it will make a huge difference in how his adoptive parents talk about you and feel about you and you should take enormous pride that you were able to go through with it. Many birth parents (understandably) don't ever feel able to meet the adoptive parents.

I will probably never meet DS's mother and though I can say to him that I believe that she loved him and wanted the best for him but was unable to care for him (I believe this based on her actions and nothing else), he could at some point quite legitimately say to me "how do you know that - you are just guessing" which is true. And I can tell him virtually nothing about his mother.

Your sons adoptive parents will be able to tell him very clearly that you loved him and wanted the best for him because they know this to be true because they met you. It can only be good for him to see the significant adults in his life all doing the best they can for him.

I have a great deal of admiration for you and hope that it brings you some peace and comfort in the future.

Mellowandfruitful Wed 04-Dec-13 00:21:54

flowers for you. One day your son will thank you for meeting his new family like this. All the very best to you.

SlinkyB Tue 03-Dec-13 23:51:15

Just sobbed my way through this thread, what a strong and selfless lady you are. I'm sure your little man will be proud of you when he's older, and that his forever parents will look after him well.

You'll always be his Mummy <big hug> flowers

weirdthing Tue 03-Dec-13 23:18:38

Bless you xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

queenofthepirates Tue 03-Dec-13 23:13:47

I don't know your story but I do admire your calm bravery. You sound amazing and I wish you well. xx

SM well done, honey, you did something totally difficult for your little one. I am sure it will make a big difference. Please make the very best of your life, all the good chances you get, whatever it is, for that little boy's sake. You sound amazing and strong and I really hope and pray you will have a bright future. Thinking of you.

StupidMistakes Tue 03-Dec-13 23:02:48

thank you so much. I have faced the hardest days of my life in the last year. surely its got to get easier next year. <she crosses her fingers>

roadwalker Tue 03-Dec-13 23:02:28

That sounds so positive, I am so glad

WireCatGlitteryBaubles Tue 03-Dec-13 23:01:40

Oh my lovely xxx

I can't imagine what you're going through.

flowers

Pancakeflipper Tue 03-Dec-13 22:55:47

Well done you xxx. That sounds incredibly hard but totally beneficial for you, the forevers and for your boy.

You have done him very proud by doing that meeting.

StupidMistakes Tue 03-Dec-13 22:53:16

Thank you for everyones well wishes. The meeting went amazingly well, there was tears from both me and his forever mum, his forever dad was there as well, they are a really lovely couple and clearly adore my ds. It hurt and was emotional, but it has also put my mind to rest. They reassured me that little man will always know about me, and know that I love him. He is doing well and settling well and talking more which is all good.

Its been an emotional day and my best friend has been there to lean on through it all. It makes it easier to concentrate on me now having met them, learnt a bit about them and being able to move forward, they wouldn't change his first or middle name which I will be eternally grateful for, because he knows his first name and will say I am littlemiracle. I am glad he has adoptive parents that are going to love him. They said to keep them posted and they will me, and also to look after myself. We had a picture and I hugged both of them, both me and his forever mum were in tears,

I just hope my ex has the same strength to meet them as well, but that has to be his decision

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