adoption with birth children

[CbeebiesIsMyLife]

I've thought many times about name changing for this, but I'm just going to go for it so you know I'm not a troll. I'm also putting in a lot of info so you can see the full picture rather than drip feeding or getting the wrong advice

I have 2 lovely dd's they are 14 months apart in age and are currently 1 and 3. I am pregnant with baby number 3 at the moment and this is my 9th pregnancy.

I always imagined having 5 children, I know its crazy but that's what I've always wanted. Dh has a well paid job and I'm mainly a SAHM although I do a little self employed work. I hate pregnancy and can't deal with having another miscarriage. DH and I have been talking about him having a vasectomy. DH is in his early 30's and I'm mid 20's (6 year age gap)

I'm not ready to give up on my dream of having more children. Ever since we met dh and I have talked about adoption, it always been something we wanted to do, for various reasons. I'd just like to add I'm not expecting to adopt a baby, we'd be more than happy to adopt a child although wouldn't want to mess with the birth order of our current children, so we wouldn't really be starting the process for another 3-5 years.

I currently see a psychotherapist on a weekly basis, dealing with issues surrounding abuse and the recurrent miscarriages.

What are the chances of SS wanting us as adoptive parents? I've heard stories of people being declined because of having existing children, having what SS deam as too many children or because they have past issues (abuse being mine) I just want to know what all our options are before we make any permanent decisions

[roadwalker]

That you have birth children wouldn't rule you out at all
We have 1 BC and adopted
Our parenting experience was seen as positive, our BC has aspergers and it did help that we didn't expect an 'easy' child
They would want to see that you had come to terms with your losses
Typically they would want at least a 2 year age gap between your youngest and an adopted child- many AC would need a bigger age gap
They would also want to see that you were realistic about the needs of adopted children
I can understand the reluctance of some LA because it adds a whole new element and I have been saddened to hear some adopters say they cannot love the AD as much as their BC
Our AD was only 15 months old and did not have any identified special needs or delays - she is now diagnosed with FASD and attachment disorder and her needs are huge
This is not unusual so you would need to consider carefully how you would cope/manage with a child with high needs
Good luck OP

[Italiangreyhound]

CbeebiesIsMyLife thanks for sharing and being so open.

I can't add much to wah roadwalker has said. The age gap being bigger would help. Good luck.

[CbeebiesIsMyLife]

I certainly don't agree you can't love adopted children as much as bc. I grew up with foster brothers and sisters (although I do know it's not the same) and for me they were siblings regardless of how long they were staying. I'm not expecting adoption to be easy or a walk in the park, I'm a blogger and follow many many blogs myself, some happen to be about adoption. In fact I'm expecting it to be down right hard filled with heart ache and worry. I'm expecting my adopted child to need years of therapy at some point and am ok with that. I'm expecting attachment disorders and for that child to be very different from my bc. Dh is on board and although we have no idea what to expect we know that we will research, investigate and fight any problem that arises.

I can't say how we'd cope with an additional need, but I do know it wouldn't change how we felt, I know that it would make us fight harder for that child like we would our bc.

[roadwalker]

You sound like you have a good experience and are realistic
It is the age gap then
You need to complete your birth family and if you still feel the same approach LA's/VA's and see what their minimum age gap is