Adoption UK

[Patttsy]

Have you all joined/found out about Adoption UK?

It is a fab support group charity set up to address the issues and share the experiences of (prospective) parents whose children come to be with them via the adoption process.

I will try and find the website and do a link.

[Patttsy]

it is www.adoptionuk.com I think. Can't do the link and need to get to school gates.

Have a great weekend, don't forget the sun cream (and ice cream)

Patttsy x

[Patttsy]

Guess you must have then!

[suejonez]

Sorry missed this thread when it was first opened. Do you think it would be suitable for intercountry adopters too? Is it general post adoption issues or is it very Uk system oriented?

Did you make the curry? How did it work out?

[Patttsy]

Morning Suejonez

Yes Adoption UK is great for intercountry adoption support, I cannot recommend them enough for all that they do. Well worth looking into.

Usually they have support group meetings and get togethers etc for all people affected by adoption.

Many social workers recommend Adoption UK to their prospective adoptive parents.

HTH, Patttsy x

[suejonez]

I'll check it out - I do have several friedns I 've made along the way who are adopting so I'm not so worried about meet-ups though it would be nice to connect to other parents locally. But I'm sure some well-informed support post adoption would be useful.

Thanks

[KristinaM]

agree agree


adoption uk is mostly UK orientated, but once you get your child home the issues are much the same IMHO. Not very good website though

oasis is good for overseas adopters

[suejonez]

I have joined OASIS but they don't do much online - would be interested in a wider adoption community too. As you say, many of the issues are the same.

[Patttsy]

I telling ya, Adoption UK

[Patttsy]

So Suejonez, you'll be a multicultural family once your dd or ds arrives

How are you preparing?

[suejonez]

I have a webgroup which I set up for parents adopting from the same country (there aren't that many of us) and we try to meet about every 2 months and have a big summer picnic and a Xmas party. I have befriended one of the Kazakh consuls and he will come to a couple of our meet ups a year with his family.

Of course, plan to do all the ususal things like celebrating Kazakh holidays. It's a bit difficult to plan more until I know exactly what ethnicity my child will be, as they could be part Russian (about 30% of the country are). But I have been learning Russian for a couple of years and know a fair bit about Russia as well as knowing some Russian adopters (though not well).

Coincidentally I have also met (through Mumsnet!) someone works with Kazakh companies.

Much more to do of course but thats a start I hope and I perhaps much later I might try to get a Kazakh or Russian au pair

[beemail]

I do agree about AdoptUK - we joined when going through the process and met many local adopters for monthly meetings. We also learnt much from their journal. Although it was mainly domestic adopters there were some who were intercountry - all different countries and that mix was a good thing. I will also always remember one lady who came to talk to us - she had relinquished a child for adoption some 30 yrs previously . She had thought about him every day and hoped that he would contact her and he did so eventually. Although not all reunions go well hers was one of the happier stories and they have remained in contact although she very much regarded his adoptive family as his "real family" - as did he.
We have subsequently gained much from our family support group for those adopting from the same country. We meet regularly and hold workshop sessions, childrens activities and have an annual picnic. Our children now look forward to getting together with the other children and as time goes on I think there is much to be gained from them knowing others from a similar background. With Adopt UK they found that "English children' could also be adopted - I realised that they had thought for a short time that being adopted meant that you had to come from another country!

[suejonez]

"With Adopt UK they found that "English children' could also be adopted - I realised that they had thought for a short time that being adopted meant that you had to come from another country!"

Thats a really interesting point Beemail, I hadn;t thought of that.

An American friend of mine had always discussed her daughters adoption, bedtime stories etc you know the kind of stuff. The first day of what they call pre-school (not sure of our equivalent) - her daughter came rushing home and said excitedly "you know mummy, not everyone is adopted!"

[Patttsy]

beemail, the lady who came and talked to our adoption prep group told the same story!

[beemail]

Same area or I guess there must be so many people out there who have lost children in times when it just wasn't possible to keep them. But to spend much of ones adult life thinking of them every day and wondering what became of them is quite a thought. Sorry I digress from original thread but I really felt that that was one of the most memorable meetings we had. She was a member of a group of people who had all relinquished children and they wear elephant badges because "elephants never forget"

[Patttsy]

Are you in the South of England then?

We did our adoption preparation classes in Jan 2001.

[beemail]

we are in the SE but did this was before 2001, but very poss same lady.

[SustainableGill]

Adopting Mixed Race Children
Is anyone else getting fed up of the govenment claiming that the only thing stopping kids in care being adopted is their colour? I have 3 adopted boys(the youngest is mixed race) and I know for a fact that it is the lack of social workers working in approving adopters that is the problem. The government is just using this latest issue to mask cost cutting that will hurt the vulnerable. Resources also need to be spent on post-adoption support to encourage adopters to take children who have and will continue to have problems. Is this an issue Mumsnet should be highlighting?

[Devora]

Not just shortages in social services, SG, but also delays and resource shortages in the court system.

I completely agree with you about the importance of post-adoption support.

You might do better to start a new thread to discuss this, though.

[NanaNina]

Yes SG and Devora - agree with both of you. And to make matters worse that stupid man David Cameron is now trying to force LAs to get children adopted in 3 months, at the same time as his coalition is slashing budgets in all public services. Many LAs are running at 30% vacancy rates in the inner cities and you can't run a service like that. Also there are high levels on sws off sick with stress related illnesses. I don't think he knows the first thing about fostering and adoption and the needs of these very troubled children waiting placement. He has no idea that for many children, especially large siblign groups, children with disabilities and those with pasts that are making them unmanageable in foster homes, that there just aren't adoptors out there queing up to adopt them. Maybe he is going to force people to adopt children (wouldn't put it past him)

The thing is it is so contradictory to talk of these 3 months (presumably from removal from home) because the current legislation (Children Act 1989) states that LA sws should work in partnership with parents (sounds good doersn't it, but the reality is very different) and the first thing is to see if there is any way of getting these children returned to their parents, then come the numerous assessments by all manner of professionals, and then the court time (County Courts are stacked out with cases to be heard)

Seems to me that he wants tyo go back to the 50s and 60s when young unmarried girls were forced to give up their babies for adoption. Assessmentds (and I use the term loosely) were done by adoption officers or health visitors. I have read many of these old files, and it is scarey stuff. So long as the house was clean and garden tidy and there was a reference from the vicar, that was it - hey presto you were approved. The reports didn't fill an A4 page and usualy said things like "Mr and Mrs Smith have a lovely home and garden and would teach a child right from wrong" then all that was left was for the adoptors to go and choose their baby from the mother and baby home. Horrrendous.

[KristinaM]

Nina, you forgot the bit about counting the numebr of bedsheets to ensure the prospective adopters had sufficient

[Lilka]

I can't help but think our dear PM is just jumping on the bandwagon to look like the hero of LAC and the nemesis of those evil evil bureaucrats he loves to hate....

Actually I'm extremely worried about his approach. First of all, it's a lot of rhetoric, and I'd like to know exactly how 'league tables' and the like will help. I failt to see how lots of talk about mixed race adoptions will actually do anything.

And secondly, whilst I do believe we need some big reforms in the adoption system, the ONLY way successful change will be brought about is through the investment of a large chunk of money into children's services. Surely the newly self appointed adoption tsar Cameron wouldn't begrudge the children and struggling services the money that will be needed to make this work....oh no wait, he does

[NanaNina]

Agree with you Lilka but Cameron is doing the same with all public services isn't he - slashing budgets and at the same time wanting huge amounts of savings. Martin Narey (who was chief exec of Barnardoes) is the "Adoption Tsar" and I did agree with him a while back before he was appointed by the coalition, that children should be removed sooner rather than later if there was a clear risk of them being significantly harmed. Then again the first duty of the sw is to keep families together where ever possible. I understand from my ex colleages that sws spend around 70% of their time in front of computer screens (some system devised by Lord Laming after the death of Victoria Climbie. ) This of course means that there is precious little time left to be doing any kind of meaningful preventative work with families.

The fact that applications for care proceedings have increased by 50% since the death of Peter Connelly does indicate that sws are no longer prepared to take a risk with families in case a child on their caseload dies. The sad truth of the matter is that whilever there are parents who abuse and neglect their children, the risk of a child dying is always going to be there. Careful following of all the procedures in place will not eliminate risk.

I just hope Martin Narey is not behind this ridiculous 3 month thing about moving a child into an adoptive home. There is a case for adoption procedures to be speeded up in some cases, and obviously same race placements are ideal so long as they are suitable same race adoptors. Cameron talks about child care as though it is a factory canning baked beans!!

[Kewcumber]

Just to wade in with my twopenn'th! I'm all in favour of improving the system, speeding it up where there are unneccesary delays and trying to encourage SS to consider transracial adoptions. But I did (even as a transracial adopter) at the proposal that race is not going to be "significant" in matching. Surely it must be significant. I agree that it shouldn't be a bar to a child being adopted and in cases where a good racial match is not forthcoming within say the 3 months they're proposing that SS should be obliged to consider any race suitable parents. However (and its quite a big however) I think it should also come with specific training along the lines of the intercountry prep course which covers race issues I hadn't previously considered. It would also be good to have a mentoring system with a family/individual within the community your child is adopted from. Of course that probably too idealistic and I doubt there's the money...

[Devora]

I agree, kew. It would be such a shame if one doctrinaire practice got replaced with another.