how to support my twin when her baby is taken at birth?

(34 Posts)
madmillie92 Sat 14-Sep-13 21:13:27

oo to cut a long story short.. Me and my twin sister are 35 weeks pregnant (2 days apart- I know, freaky right!)
The big difference is my baby will come home to a loving home while her baby is to be taken into care from the hospital then adopted.
She doesn't want this. She doesn't do drugs or drink or offend, she was in a violent relationship (ok a very very violent relationship with a complete nutjob) and social services do not trust her to keep away from him (even tho she's been with her new boyfriend for 6 months) and so have decided to take her baby pending assesments on my sister. She made the decision that instead of fighting for her baby, just to be knocked back (unlikely she will get her back quickly-she has depression, money troubles etc) and her baby spending years in care, she will alow her baby to be adopted to a loving home (social have to find them somewhere in 6 weeks)
So my question is, how the hell do I support her? She is in bits and terrified of the moment they take her away... Its breaking my heart
How can I expect her to be happy for me, knowing what she will go through? She wants to be at my babys birth but I will be so worried she is getting upset, also don't even know who will give birth first yet! I want to support her when she has her baby but I'm so scared! I don't know how I will cope with seeing her go through this. Would be easier if I wasn't due so close so I could help more but don't know how I will help her through this being 10months pregnant or having a newborn.
Also I'm scared she will be jealous of me and my baby
Any advice or reasurrance?

Dinosaursareextinct Tue 25-Feb-14 23:49:30

Great news, but worrying that 2 social workers deal with a situation so completely differently - the first one insisting that the baby be adopted, against your sister's wishes.

morethanpotatoprints Tue 25-Feb-14 23:50:40

Oh bless you both, I am so happy for you and so glad baby is with her mum.
You are a fantastic sister, good luck to you all . x

Squidwert Tue 25-Feb-14 23:58:02

Just wanted to say that reading this made my day - both you and your twin sister deserve all the happiness your little ones will bring, and I wish you well in your journey as mums grin thank goodness she wasn't forced to give up her baby, be strong together and enjoy every moment!

HappySunflower Wed 26-Feb-14 07:10:52

Oh, what a wonderful update. Thank you for taking the time to come and tell us now things are. What about you? How is your baby, did you have a boy or girl? Congratulations-to both of you smile

Kewcumber Wed 26-Feb-14 08:26:27

Dinosaurs - you don't know that the difference in attitude isn't the social workers but the sisters. Previously not engaging, failing to turn up to meetings etc why would a social worker be optimistic about the situation. Fighting for her child and engaging = more supportive social worker. (I am not dismissing the idea that social worker wasn't great btw)

TBH madmillie the problem isn't only the men in her life but also her failure to recognise that. If she can continue being focussed on healthy relationships for herself and putting her child first then the future looks good for both of them.

I'm glad it has all worked out for them.

madmillie92 how wonderful. I am so pleased for your sister and you, and for your babies. I really hope your sister will be able to continue on this good path and will be able to stay away from any bad influences, especially bad men! Knowing what she could lose (her lovely baby), I really hope this will enable her to find all the support and help she needs.

You are obviously a very great sister to be so supportive.

All best wishes.

happydazed Wed 26-Feb-14 21:04:53

that's such good news, so pleased for you both

angelinterceptor Wed 26-Feb-14 21:12:37

what lovely news and a happy ending for once -

adoptmama Thu 27-Feb-14 04:52:50

That's really great OP. So glad you were able to support your twin and that you have had such a great outcome. So lovely your babies can grow up knowing each other.

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