After approval

(57 Posts)
Broodymomma Sat 14-Sep-13 11:32:14

So we were approved 5 days ago and we are starting to think about practical things like doing a bedroom up for our new lo. I am a little scared to tempt fate and just wondered when everyone else started doing things like the bedroom? We are approved for a 0-4 of either sex so we could only do the basics until we have more specifics.

It's only been 5 days but already feel in limbo and desperate to know what the next few months will bring. Do you literally just get a phone call one day from the sw to say they have a child for you to consider or should sw be in touch even to say no news? On average how long do people wait? During hs we were told they had lots of children waiting in our age group and it would not be long for us but I don't know if my version of not long is the same as the sw.

Have this dream of our lo being home for Xmas but as we have only just been approved I doubt that's going to happen.

Happiestinwellybobs Wed 02-Oct-13 06:01:13

Fabulous news Broody smile

mrsballack Tue 01-Oct-13 22:55:50

Wow great news broody.

We are meeting with our potential children's social worker tomorrow. Our approval panel has been delayed due to some paperwork not being ready and we had a brief panic that 'our' children would be given to someone else but all the social workers are keen to get us to matching panel before Christmas.

Just want to be approved at least, I'm not sure I'll cope if it all goes wrong.

so so happy for you!

Broodymomma Tue 01-Oct-13 19:59:16

Well it's all going full steam ahead. His sw is coming to see us on Friday and if all goes well we are getting a matching panel date. He is the one!!

Happiestinwellybobs Tue 01-Oct-13 06:18:52

We went with the first profile. I felt like I 'should' look at other profiles, but didn't want to at all. The minute I read DD's details I knew she was meant to be with us.

We took a few days to let it sink in, but actually I didn't even need that. I was adamant from the start she was ours smile

Good luck smile

Moomoomie Sun 29-Sep-13 20:56:00

It just shows that the SW's think he is a good match, they have done their job well.
We only saw the profiles of our girls, no others.
If he feels the right match and the SW thinks so too, there is no need to look at other profiles.

broody just read this whole thread hoping you got some news. I had butterflies in my tummy! fantastic news! grin grin

Maiyakat Sun 29-Sep-13 12:01:41

All very exciting! smile

Re: seeing other profiles, I saw about 10 profiles before I found DD, however I knew as soon as I saw hers that she was my DD. I don't think that was as a result of seeing other profiles, it would have happened if her's was the first or the hundredth that I'd seen. If it feels right and there are no issues you feel you can't deal with then it probably is!

What you could do if you wanted to see some other profiles to help you be sure is sign up for Be My Parent online (costs about £7 for a month).

It's so exciting and so hard at the same time, the weight of the decision you are making not just for you but for this little boy is huge. Hopefully when you've met LO's SW it will be even clearer.

Good luck!!

Broodymomma Sat 28-Sep-13 21:01:07

Thanks everyone. It's starting to sink in now it's just all happened so fast we have not been approved 3 weeks yet but as I said they have had lo in mind for us for a while. We have kind of fallen for him and there is nothing in his form e that puts us off. Do people really go with the first child shown to them without viewing other children? I just can't see a reason why we would say no but it's I'm my mind before approval everyone said don't just jump at the first profile you see. However he feels so right with our heads and our hearts.

Happiestinwellybobs Sat 28-Sep-13 20:40:23

Very exciting news smile fabulous!

Happiestinwellybobs Sat 28-Sep-13 20:40:11

Very exciting news smile fabulous!

Moomoomie Sat 28-Sep-13 13:54:20

Exciting news. So pleased for you.
Hope all goes smoothly.

judybloomers Sat 28-Sep-13 11:51:37

Broody - so exciting! That is wonderful news. Keep us posted.

Choccyjules Sat 28-Sep-13 10:56:39

Broody so happy for you, hope everything goes smoothly, exciting stuff!

Lilka Sat 28-Sep-13 00:30:48

Broody - Fantastic, congratulations grin

Lilka Sat 28-Sep-13 00:29:30

NT = Neurotypical smile

Devora what is NT baby? Sorry to be dumb!

Broody fab, great news.

Devora Fri 27-Sep-13 23:09:05

Brilliant news, Broody - you must be so excited!

And for others: I agree with allthingswillpass about the NAR. Our dd came to us as a beautiful 10 month old NT baby girl from the NAR. I think she was on there because she couldn't be ethnically matched locally.

wafflingworrier Fri 27-Sep-13 19:45:30

wow! congratulations!
I have been following with interest, thank you for sharing the journey with us and keep posting!

and thanks nananina for the helpful advice about reading material

Broodymomma Fri 27-Sep-13 19:37:25

Thanks for all your advise and well wishes. I am delighted to say they had a lo in mind for us all through the process. We got his form e today and he just sounds so like our birth ds.
No other families are being considered and he has been with 1 foster cater since he was removed as a baby. He seems perfect for our family. His social worker is coming to meet us next week. Certainly be reading our attachment books again. Can't believe how quick it has all happened.

NanaNina Fri 27-Sep-13 18:32:54

Of course your post doesn't sound like a rant, and I think it's important that you made this point, and I think I am a bit behind the times. The NAR was just coming into being as I retired. I'm not even sure children are shown in the journals that I mentioned. So glad that your LO is doing so well.

allthingswillpass Fri 27-Sep-13 18:12:01

I must add to Nananinas post that it isn't always the case the children on the NAR are "hard to place" for reasons mentioned above.
Some children are on there for mainly geographical reasons where the placing authority is So Miniscule that it would be impossible to place them locally (IME).
Our LO was on the NAR and is bright, resilient and doing amazingly well.
Don't discount the NAR - instead be very clear about what you think you can cope with.
Sorry if it sounds like a rant - not meant to.

NanaNina Fri 27-Sep-13 15:11:01

Hi to all you lovely people - my social work career spanned some 30 years (now retired) and the last 15 years I was a manager of a fostering & adoption team. I just want to mention (although you may already know) that it is the child's social worker who makes the choice about the adopted family, together with his/her team manager. In an ideal situation the child's sw and the fsw work in collaboration when it comes to making this important decision. When you are waiting for a young child (0-5) there will almost certainly be more than one family for consideration. The usual practice is for the child's sw to read the Form F and then do a joint visit with the fsw, and they may be doing visits to other approved adoptors. They won't always tell you this (but sometimes your fsw will tell you) and of course that increases the tension, but that's the way it is I'm afraid.

A lot depends on the experience of the social worker to be honest, as for some it will be the first time they have been involved in adoption, and then they are more likely to be "led" by the fsw! If they're both inexperienced I would hope that the team managers would step in to help. I certainly did this when necessary.

The other thing is I notice that there is mention of looking in the journals "Be My Parent" and "Adoption UK" (think they are still called that) and of course the children featured need an adoptive home, but be aware that these are the children who have been unable to be placed in their "home" LA on a national basis. By definition therefore they are usually going to be children with significant difficulties, and of course children with disabilities and large sibling groups. Many of these children will have been sexually abused and that can cause problems for the child to a greater or lesser extent through their lifetime.

We used to hold "hard to place" days and the profiles of all the children would be up on boards for everyone to see. The social workers for the children used to come and give talks to the adopters though I can't recall if we did in fact place any of these children successfully.

You will almost certainly wait longer for a single child 0 -5 as most children come with siblings, and there is a need for middle years aged children, those with disabilities and sibling groups. Having said that, I recall that we placed significant numbers of children in the 0 -5 age range.

My advice is to stop worrying about the room and as someone has said read all you can, especially about attachment theory as I believe this is the single most important issue for adopters. Many of the children will have insecure attachment issues related to their experiences with the birthparents. Also it has to be said, foster carers vary hugely (like anyone else in society) and some children awaiting adoption will have had better foster carers than others. I think most LAs do cover "attachment difficulties" but maybe only briefly. BAAF and Adoption UK and Fostering Network should have books on Attachment and I recommend you get them and read them.

I won't say good luck, because successful placements aren't built on "luck" - they are built on adoptive parents having the understanding of how the child's past affects his future and how he/she can be helped to learn to trust adults again. They are built on adoptive parents who can be patient and resilient in the early days, weeks and months when the child may be particularly stressful, although there is often a "honeymoon period" when the child first moves in. A good book is Vera Falberg "A child's Journey through Placement" but I think it's costly, not sure. I'm sure Amazon have books on Attachment.




However sometimes the child's sw has his/her own very definite ideas and the

allthingswillpass Fri 27-Sep-13 13:36:37

We didn't get any visits after panel so remain positive, hope for the best, prepare for a large glass of wine if she has no profiles.
Fingers crossed for you here. Xxxx

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