I've also heard of exeptions but not met anyone this has happened to. Since some LA's are now doing adoption parties I think this will happen bit more now, but will still be pretty uncommon
Seeing a DVD is quite common now though
Does not meeting the child before you say yes have any detrimental affect on your ability to bond/attach?
No, not at all IME. Attachment is something that takes months at least and will only ever happen when you are living with your child.
When/How you 'knew' or 'felt' this was the child for you?
Well I felt a real click or some kind of connection I can't explain when I read DD1's information. I knew I wanted to adopt her very quickly. With DD2 there were more things to consider and some serious things so I didn't really committ myself and think/feel 'yes this is her' until I'd not only read a lot of reports but also met with people who knew her etc. That said, whilst I didn't feel an instant click like with DD1, I was feeling a connection by the time I had had her info for a week+ and seen her photo.
If you don't feel any real connection to a childs information, don't worry. I do know people who didn't feel anything, either because they were guarding their hearts and not letting themself, or they just couldn't connect with words on paper. Those people have bonded just fine :) It just didn't start until they were living together.
Is bonding different from attachment?
Yes it is. But people often confuse them for each other. I understand it as -
Bonding is from the parents side only, it describes the parent developping parental feelings towards the child. It's the first thing to happen. It can describe you feeling a strong conection, your first rush of love, when you start to feel protective towards your child etc. Parent start bonding at different times. Some on the first day of introductions, others (like me) won't start bonding until our children have been home for weeks and months.
On the childs side, they will have their own ajustment period, and will hopfully begin to feel some kind of liking for you and start looking to you to get their needs met, start deciding that they want to kiss you etc. People often think that if the child (having only moved in 2 weeks previously) is hugging, kissing and seems very close to their new parents, that they have attached. But no, that's not attachment, the child has not developped a deep emotional realtionship in two weeks. That's either the childs equivalent of bonding and they're starting to develop feelings, OR it's a defence mechanism and they're acting out 'love' to keep themselves safe and might secretly be very scared inside.
Attachment you could describe as an 'enduring emotional relationship'. It's two way, you to the child, and also the child back to you. Because it's the long term emotional relationship, it takes months or years to build.
I guess i could draw a slight comparison to partners? It's not quite the same but - when you have your first dates you might build a very strong connection, and then you want to spend all your time with each other etc etc. Compare that to a couple of years later when you're fully fledged partners and you have a very deep long term emotional relationship and love each other unconditionally