My dp finally got her adoption file yesterday. It was a really emotional day for her, but she dealt with it amazingly well. Some of the language in it was of the time and quite offensive, but luckily the social worker warned her about that first. The most important thing for dp was that it was clear that her birth mum wanted to keep her but was in an impossible situation, she always assumed she wasn't wanted. So after finding this out she decided to try and find her birth mum, amazingly it took us no more than ten minutes to find her on Facebook! We spent ages just staring at the photos of her, dp and her look so alike there was no doubting that we'd found the right person. So after recovering from the shock actually finding her, dp decided to send her a message. She made it clear that there was no pressure to reply but she just wanted to let her know that she had a wonderful childhood and she made the right decision to put her up for adoption. Thing is, I know dp really really wants her to reply and will be very hurt if she is just ignored. Has anyone else on here traced their birth parents or children they had adopted? I want to support dp in the best way possible and would really welcome any advice.
Contact is often best through an intemediary first, as it can be a real shock for those involved and it may take time for the birth mother to come to terms with the news. It can stir up many emotions of a difficult and emotionally charged time and it may cause stress and confusion if they have kept the secret in their present life. Give it time.