If you knew then what you know now, would you still do it?

(52 Posts)
MrsBW Wed 07-Aug-13 18:12:27

We are coming up on panel day and, although I'm not having second thoughts, I'm trying to mentally prepare myself the best I can for what may be ahead.

I feel so positive about adoption, but when everyone says 'you're so brave' or, when looking at forums I see the issues people have, I wonder if, rather than being positive, I'm actually being naive.

About the only thing I can see is that (in common with all parents) you just can't prepared yourself.

So... I ask you experienced adopters.

Bottom line... If you'd known then what you know now, would you have still done it?

Andro Sun 08-Sep-13 13:53:57

Would I still adopt my 2 (they're bio siblings)? Yes I would. They have always been family, so the thought of them going into care when their parents were killed...no, just NO! The first months were utterly brutal; we had all (me, DH, and both DC) been hit hard by grief, DS has needed both grief and trauma counseling along with therapy for a serious phobia. DD is much younger and adapted faster.

Would I adopt again? That's an ongoing topic of discussion between me and DH; he would like to, I'm not keen at the moment. I have my doubts about how DS and DD would cope, I also hated every second of the adoption process and felt as though I'd been emotionally raped by the end of it (gross invasion of privacy doesn't even begin to cover it).

Maryz Sun 08-Sep-13 17:05:34

I probably come to this thread with a different perspective to some adoptive parents, because ds has been very unhappy, and very very difficult (think drugs, alcohol, violence and worse sad).

So, for him, I often wonder would he have been happier with different parents (either his birth parents or another family altogether). And I worry for my younger children, that living in such a dysfunctional home might have harmed them.

But for me, I love him with every bit of me. I cannot imagine life without him (even though I sometimes wish he would disappear for a bit), and I feel sick at the thought that he might be as troubled as he is but placed with someone who doesn't love him, which would be truly tragic.

So for me (possibly selfishly), I would do it again. No question.

And having had the discussion with my other children now they are all a bit older, they surprisingly agree with me. As dd put it "I can't imagine how he would cope with other parents" which was nice for me to hear.

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