Relative with Criminal Record

[HappilyChatterly]

We're thinking of becoming adopters. I'm just concerned as one of my step parents had a criminal record, just cautions I think (drunk and disorderly), they've never "done time". My birth DS has sleep overs at my parent and step parents house and we would like any future adopted child to do the same. Would we have to stay away from step parent or would it be individually assessed?

[thefrozensouth]

When you are assessed be open with the social worker about this. I really don't think it will be too much of an issue.

[Kewcumber]

It would be assessed individually - including for example how recent the cautions, how many etc. If it was felt to be a problem then I suspect you may have to do quite of lot of explaining why you think it is appropriate for your existing birth child to be staying with someone who have alcohol and violence problems. I know some social workers would make this into quite a big deal about using judgement to keep an adopted child safe.

Also it may not be a case of staying away but just not leaving them unsupervised.

How many cautions and how old are they?

[HappilyChatterly]

Thanks for the replies. The cautions are from some years ago I believe, I'm not sure how many but definitely more than one.I leave my child with them because they are very old fashioned and never drink in the house, they never have any alcohol in the house and they are a lovely caring individual who, unless I had been told had this in their past, I would never have guessed it. They are from boys nights that I think probably ended up in binge drinking when they were younger. I will throw myself on the mercy if the sw and see what they say. Sleepovers round there would not be a deal breaker so if they could only be there supervised it wouldn't be the end of the world.

[Devora]

HC, one of my biggest adoption tips is to show great (but not creepy) respect for the sw's knowledge and experience. So when you first explain the situation, let the questioning go both ways: tell them your own assessment of the situation, but ask them: do you think I might be missing something here? What should I be looking for in assessing whether unsupervised contact would be in my child's interests? If you think it best to at least start with supervised contact, how would you handle that to minimise family friction?

The sw will be relieved and impressed that you are open-minded, thoughtful and open to professional advice. And their answers might be really useful for you, too.

By asking questions, you also relieve the pressure on yourself to come up with exactly the right response straight away. Try to keep the issue as a bit of a dialogue rather than an open-and-shut case.