Court for Adoption Order - What to tell DD?

(15 Posts)
RedPT Mon 10-Jun-13 18:22:06

Hi - DD2 has been with us for 20 months, she's now 3.5 yrs, many social workers have come and gone! and we're finally going to court on Friday. Because she's been with us so long, and we've always told her that she's with us for ever I don't know what to tell her about Friday. She's is aware as a 3 year old can be about adoption e.g. she knows she used to live with her foster parents who we see regularly. Any ideas at all?

Kewcumber Mon 10-Jun-13 19:48:17

We were in a similar position (and very similar ages) - in fact DS had been with me about 2.5 years before the adoption order was granted! I just told DS that we needed a final piece of paper to make everything absolutely final and have a piece of paper to prove he is mine forever in case anyone asks.

morethanpotatoprints Mon 10-Jun-13 19:58:46

Kewcumber.

That is lovely, definitely not scary at all and understandable.
I think its lovely that at the end of the day its a piece of paper. A bit like marriage really, you love the person enough to want the piece of paper.
So, Kewcumber are you officially mummy now?

I remember my mum telling me it was a huge weight lifted off her and dads shoulder when they finalised me and my sisters adoption.

Sending all you adopted parents my best wishes and hugs thanks

RedPT Mon 10-Jun-13 20:12:44

Yes, it does feel like a huge weight. No more social worker visits and scrutiny, we can just get on with being a family.

happyon Mon 10-Jun-13 20:15:21

We had a similar issue so we told dd it was special family day celebration and one we could mark every year like a birthday if we wanted to. She knows she wasn't always with us so was happy to join in with celebrating the fact that she now was.

We made sure the day was great fun with not too much talk about adoption as she doesn't really understand the concept yet.

Kewcumber Mon 10-Jun-13 20:57:26

potatoprints - I've been officially mummy for quite a few years now DS is 7.5yrs. And yes in some ways I do think of the adoption order as being like a marriage certificate.

I had DS from 11 months and his adoption was only finalised when he was about 3.5 so I didn't think the final order would make any difference to me but it did. I can't even explain how, it just did. I think because there wasn't even one iota of doubt that he was mine.

We went out for tea and cakes with social worker and his guardian ad litem and solicitor which was nice. He also shouted "Thank you" to the judge when she said that the order was granted - apparently (the lawyer told me later) she was chuffed!

KristinaM Mon 10-Jun-13 21:15:25

I wouldn't even mention it TBH. It's pretty meaningless to her at 3.5

But big congratulations to you, I hope it's a weight off your minds

morethanpotatoprints Mon 10-Jun-13 21:46:17

Kewcumber

Bless you.

Sorry to ask but am genuinely interested (law changes and stuff)

Was there a time before the adoption was finalised that he could have been moved somewhere else.
If so I understand from my parents that this is a difficult time.
In my day my parents had to wait about 6 months and longer with my sister as her bio mum had mh issues.
My mum said the waiting was the worst time ever and she was so scared we'd be taken away.
I am so happy for you and you sound like a great mum.
Mine have gone now, but there isn't a day goes by that I don't thank my lucky stars for the wonderful life they gave me.

AngelsWithSilverWings Mon 10-Jun-13 21:56:56

When we adopted our second DC the adoption hearing was done without us being present. We were given the result of the hearing on the phone and were then invited for a celebration hearing.

So we called it her Adoption Celebration day. We celebrate the anniversary of it every year and talk about how it is a special day to celebrate her being here with us.

She loves it and it's like having two birthdays. She calls it her "doption" day.

morethanpotatoprints Mon 10-Jun-13 22:34:40

Angels

That's it I'm welling up now.
What a wonderful idea, and what a lovely thing to celebrate.
She is a very special girl, all adopted people are grin
I hope she brings you many years of happiness. I know she will appreciate the lovely life you are able to give her.

MuseumOfHam Mon 10-Jun-13 22:56:39

What you said about just getting on with being a family, can you tell her that although you all know you've been a family for a while, this is a special day when a judge officially says you are a forever family.

We said something along these lines to DS, although our circs were slightly different as he was just 2, so didn't understand so much, and had only been with us for 6 months. Also we are in Scotland so we went to the sheriff court.

In my experience judges / sheriffs love doing adoption hearings. The sheriff was lovely to DS and we have a photo of all of us with him that still takes pride of place 4 years on.

Enjoy your day!

RedPT Tue 11-Jun-13 00:33:21

Museum yes that's lovely I'll do that. Thank you

AngelsWithSilverWings Tue 11-Jun-13 10:56:33

Oh yes the Judges are lovely! At my DS's hearing he let us all take turns wearing his special wig.

We have a photo up of DH sitting in the Judge's big red chair wearing the wig with DS on his lap and me beside them. I love that photo and people visiting often ask if my husband is a Judge or something!

I have to admit that we really went to town with our Adoption days and they became almost like a christening with friends and family invited and a formal lunch and a celebration cake too.

TeenAndTween Tue 11-Jun-13 12:20:43

Congratulations!

My DD2 was just coming up to 4, and had been with us around 15 months. We said that although we had been a family for some time, it was the day the judges were agreeing we could be a 'forever family'.

tbh It didn't mean a lot to DD2, but was very important to DD1, then aged 9 who was so much more settled after court and finalised everything.

Our judges didn't have wigs or anything, bit of a shame really, but the girls did get nice certificates.

We celebrate 'court day' and also 'moving in day'.

flossymuldoon Tue 11-Jun-13 14:08:31

We weren't at court when the adoption order was made but were invited to the court for celebration hearing.

The celebration hearing was on a different date to the date the adoption order was made so it didn't feel particularly significant. He had been my son for 11 months by then.
I can honestly say that for us the day was only about formalities and not a particularly enjoyable day for him. He and no idea what was going on (he was 2.5) and his and our social workers were there, and both were a source of anxiety for him by then. So, we don't mark it. I can't even remember the day off the top of my head.

The day we do mark though is the day we all met for the first time which is hugely significant for all of us. It also coincides with DHs birthday so it is a special day for me as that's both my boys special day, and special for DH as that's when he got the 'best birthday present ever'!

This year he seemed to understand more and was really excited to share a special day with his beloved Daddy.

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